Captain Brassbound's Conversion Part 11

LADY CICELY. He says he couldn't, you know. But perhaps the real reason was that he didn't like her. You know, don't you, that if you don't like people you think of all the reasons for not helping them, and if you like them you think of all the opposite reasons.

BRa.s.sBOUND. But his duty as a brother!

LADY CICELY. Are you going to do your duty as a nephew?

BRa.s.sBOUND. Don't quibble with me. I am going to do my duty as a son; and you know it.

LADY CICELY. But I should have thought that the time for that was in your mother's lifetime, when you could have been kind and forbearing with her. Hurting your uncle won't do her any good, you know.

BRa.s.sBOUND. It will teach other scoundrels to respect widows and orphans. Do you forget that there is such a thing as justice?

LADY CICELY (gaily shaking out the finished coat). Oh, if you are going to dress yourself in ermine and call yourself Justice, I give you up.

You are just your uncle over again; only he gets 5,000 a year for it, and you do it for nothing.

(She holds the coat up to see whether any further repairs are needed.)

BRa.s.sBOUND (sulkily). You twist my words very cleverly. But no man or woman has ever changed me.

LADY CICELY. Dear me! That must be very nice for the people you deal with, because they can always depend on you; but isn't it rather inconvenient for yourself when you change your mind?

BRa.s.sBOUND. I never change my mind.

LADY CICELY (rising with the coat in her hands). Oh! Oh!! Nothing will ever persuade me that you are as pigheaded as that.

BRa.s.sBOUND (offended). Pigheaded!

LADY CICELY (with quick, caressing apology). No, no, no. I didn't mean that. Firm! Unalterable! Resolute! Ironwilled! Stonewall Jackson! That's the idea, isn't it?

BRa.s.sBOUND (hopelessly). You are laughing at me.

LADY CICELY. No: trembling, I a.s.sure you. Now will you try this on for me: I'm SO afraid I have made it too tight under the arm. (She holds it behind him.)

BRa.s.sBOUND (obeying mechanically). You take me for a fool I think. (He misses the sleeve.)

LADY CICELY. No: all men look foolish when they are feeling for their sleeves.

BRa.s.sBOUND. Agh! (He turns and s.n.a.t.c.hes the coat from her; then puts it on himself and b.u.t.tons the lowest b.u.t.ton.)

LADY CICELY (horrified). Stop. No. You must NEVER pull a coat at the skirts, Captain Bra.s.sbound: it spoils the sit of it. Allow me. (She pulls the lappels of his coat vigorously forward) Put back your shoulders. (He frowns, but obeys.) That's better. (She b.u.t.tons the top b.u.t.ton.) Now b.u.t.ton the rest from the top down. DOES it catch you at all under the arm?

BRa.s.sBOUND (miserably--all resistance beaten out of him). No.

LADY CICELY. That's right. Now before I go back to poor Marzo, say thank you to me for mending your jacket, like a nice polite sailor.

BRa.s.sBOUND (sitting down at the table in great agitation). d.a.m.n you!

you have belittled my whole life to me. (He bows his head on his hands, convulsed.)

LADY CICELY (quite understanding, and putting her hand kindly on his shoulder). Oh no. I am sure you have done lots of kind things and brave things, if you could only recollect them. With Gordon for instance?

n.o.body can belittle that.

He looks up at her for a moment; then kisses her hand. She presses his and turns away with her eyes so wet that she sees Drinkwater, coming in through the arch just then, with a prismatic halo round him. Even when she sees him clearly, she hardly recognizes him; for he is ludicrously clean and smoothly brushed; and his hair, formerly mud color, is now a lively red.

DRINKWATER. Look eah, kepn. (Bra.s.sbound springs up and recovers himself quickly.) Eahs the bloomin Shike jest appeahd on the orawzn wiv abaht fifty men. Thy'll be eah insawd o ten minnits, they will.

LADY CICELY. The Sheikh!

BRa.s.sBOUND. Sidi el a.s.sif and fifty men! (To Lady Cicely) You were too late: I gave you up my vengeance when it was no longer in my hand. (To Drinkwater) Call all hands to stand by and shut the gates. Then all here to me for orders; and bring the prisoner.

DRINKWATER. Rawt, kepn. (He runs out.)

LADY CICELY. Is there really any danger for Howard?

BRa.s.sBOUND. Yes. Danger for all of us unless I keep to my bargain with this fanatic.

LADY CICELY. What bargain?

BRa.s.sBOUND. I pay him so much a head for every party I escort through to the interior. In return he protects me and lets my caravans alone. But I have sworn an oath to him to take only Jews and true believers--no Christians, you understand.

LADY CICELY. Then why did you take us?

BRa.s.sBOUND. I took my uncle on purpose--and sent word to Sidi that he was here.

LADY CICELY. Well, that's a pretty kettle of fish, isn't it?

BRa.s.sBOUND. I will do what I can to save him--and you. But I fear my repentance has come too late, as repentance usually does.

LADY CICELY (cheerfully). Well, I must go and look after Marzo, at all events. (She goes out through the little door. Johnson, Redbrook and the rest come in through the arch, with Sir Howard, still very crusty and determined. He keeps close to Johnson, who comes to Bra.s.sbound's right, Redbrook taking the other side.)

BRa.s.sBOUND. Where's Drinkwater?

JOHNSON. On the lookout. Look here, Capn: we don't half like this job.

The gentleman has been talking to us a bit; and we think that he IS a gentleman, and talks straight sense.

REDBROOK. Righto, Brother Johnson. (To Bra.s.sbound) Won't do, governor.

Not good enough.

BRa.s.sBOUND (fiercely). Mutiny, eh?

REDBROOK. Not at all, governor. Don't talk Tommy rot with Brother Sidi only five minutes gallop off. Can't hand over an Englishman to a n.i.g.g.e.r to have his throat cut.

BRa.s.sBOUND (unexpectedly acquiescing). Very good. You know, I suppose, that if you break my bargain with Sidi, you'll have to defend this place and fight for your lives in five minutes. That can't be done without discipline: you know that too. I'll take my part with the rest under whatever leader you are willing to obey. So choose your captain and look sharp about it. (Murmurs of surprise and discontent.)

VOICES. No, no. Bra.s.sbound must command.

BRa.s.sBOUND. You're wasting your five minutes. Try Johnson.

JOHNSON. No. I haven't the head for it.