Bureaucracy Part 21

Dutocq. "Then come home with me; for I must put the doc.u.ment into safe keeping."

Bixiou. "You go first alone." [Re-enters the bureau Rabourdin.] "What Dutocq told you is really all true, word of honor! It seems that Monsieur Rabourdin has written and sent in very unflattering descriptions of the clerks whom he wants to 'reform.' That's the real reason why his secret friends wish him appointed. Well, well; we live in days when nothing astonishes me" [flings his cloak about him like Talma, and declaims]:--

"Thou who has seen the fall of grand, ill.u.s.trious heads, Why thus amazed, insensate that thou art,

to find a man like Rabourdin employing such means? Baudoyer is too much of a fool to know how to use them. Accept my congratulations, gentlemen; either way you are under a most ill.u.s.trious chief" [goes off].

Poiret. "I shall leave this ministry without ever comprehending a single word that gentleman utters. What does he mean with his 'heads that fall'?"

Fleury. "'Heads that fell?' why, think of the four sergeants of Roch.e.l.le, Ney, Berton, Caron, the brothers Faucher, and the ma.s.sacres."

Ph.e.l.lion. "He a.s.serts very flippantly things that he only guesses at."

Fleury. "Say at once that he lies; in his mouth truth itself turns to corrosion."

Ph.e.l.lion. "Your language is unparliamentary and lacks the courtesy and consideration which are due to a colleague."

Vimeux. "It seems to me that if what he says is false, the proper name for it is calumny, defamation of character; and such a slanderer deserves the thrashing."

Fleury [getting hot]. "If the government offices are public places, the matter ought to be taken into the police-courts."

Ph.e.l.lion [wishing to avert a quarrel, tries to turn the conversation].

"Gentleman, might I ask you to keep quiet? I am writing a little treatise on moral philosophy, and I am just at the heart of it."

Fleury [interrupting]. "What are you saying about it, Monsieur Ph.e.l.lion?"

Ph.e.l.lion [reading]. "Question.--What is the soul of man?

"Answer.--A spiritual substance which thinks and reasons."

Thuillier. "Spiritual substance! you might as well talk about immaterial stone."

Poiret. "Don't interrupt; let him go on."

Ph.e.l.lion [continuing]. "Quest.--Whence comes the soul?

"Ans.--From G.o.d, who created it of a nature one and indivisible; the destructibility thereof is, consequently, not conceivable, and he hath said--"

Poiret [amazed]. "G.o.d said?"

Ph.e.l.lion. "Yes, monsieur; tradition authorizes the statement."

Fleury [to Poiret]. "Come, don't interrupt, yourself."

Ph.e.l.lion [resuming]. "--and he hath said that he created it immortal; in other words, the soul can never die.

"Quest.--What are the uses of the soul?

"Ans.--To comprehend, to will, to remember; these const.i.tute understanding, volition, memory.

"Quest.--What are the uses of the understanding?

"Ans.--To know. It is the eye of the soul."

Fleury. "And the soul is the eye of what?"

Ph.e.l.lion [continuing]. "Quest.--What ought the understanding to know?

"Ans.--Truth.

"Quest.--Why does man possess volition?

"Ans.--To love good and hate evil.

"Quest.--What is good?

"Ans.--That which makes us happy."

Vimeux. "Heavens! do you teach that to young ladies?"

Ph.e.l.lion. "Yes" [continuing]. "Quest.--How many kinds of good are there?"

Fleury. "Amazingly indecorous, to say the least."

Ph.e.l.lion [aggrieved]. "Oh, monsieur!" [Controlling himself.] "But here's the answer,--that's as far as I have got" [reads]:--

"Ans.--There are two kinds of good,--eternal good and temporal good."

Poiret [with a look of contempt]. "And does that sell for anything?"

Ph.e.l.lion. "I hope it will. It requires great application of mind to carry on a system of questions and answers; that is why I ask you to be quiet and let me think, for the answers--"

Thuillier [interrupting]. "The answers might be sold separately."

Poiret. "Is that a pun?"

Thuillier. "No; a riddle."

Ph.e.l.lion. "I am sorry I interrupted you" [he dives into his office desk]. "But" [to himself] "at any rate, I have stopped their talking about Monsieur Rabourdin."

At this moment a scene was taking place between the minister and des Lupeaulx which decided Rabourdin's fate. The general-secretary had gone to see the minister in his private study before the breakfast-hour, to make sure that La Briere was not within hearing.

"Your Excellency is not treating me frankly--"

"He means a quarrel," thought the minister; "and all because his mistress coquetted with me last night. I did not think you so juvenile, my dear friend," he said aloud.

"Friend?" said the general-secretary, "that is what I want to find out."

The minister looked haughtily at des Lupeaulx.