Brite and Fair Part 6

Missis Rody Shatuck Exeter New Hampshire dear Missis Shatuck. I am verry sorry for hollering to Beany at the picknic last weak about your skinny legs. i woodent have did it if i had been well, but i had been poizened by poizen ivory leeves and the minister had cheeted me out of my fifty cents and everybody had jawed me becaus i cougt a eal and so i done it. if you had a hair lip or a squint ey or a wenn on your neck like old Nat Mason it woodent be so bad but it is a dredful thing to have such skinny legs as you have got and i am verry sorry for you becaus i have got skinny legs myself and the fellers have made fun of me ever since i can remember and it is awful to be made fun of all the time. if i was a girl i cood cover them up with my skert and n.o.body wood know they was skinny unless i fell down or the wind blew two hard or i pulled up my skert like you done at the picknic.

so if i was you i wood be very cairful not to pick up your skert like you done at the picknic and n.o.body will know how skinny your legs is. sumtimes i wish fellers wore skerts but i gess i would ruther have skinny legs. so pleese to forgive me for what i done.

yours very respectively Harry Shute.

this is the leter i rote to the minister.

the referent minister of the ferst Congrigasionel Chirch dear sir. i thougt i wood wright you and tell you how sorry i am that i sed the sa.s.sy things to you whitch i sed at the picknic last weak. i am also verry sorry indeed that i douted your word when you sed you wood give me the fifty cents. if you had been ennything but a minister i wood not have thougt you wood cheet me but i have heard my father say that ministers has so many things give to them and has so many old mades and fulish wimmen after them that they aint mutch to blaim if they forgets sumthings whitch they hadent augt to forget. you see i dident know you verry well and i thought you mite be one of them kind of ministers but i found out that you wasent when you paid me the fifty cents and done as you agreed when you promised not to grab me and lam time out of me. i was reddy for you and if you had grabed that boat i wood probly have rew so hard that you wood have been puled into the water all over. i am glad you done as you agreed and paid me. you were prety lait in doing it and i was not to blaim for thinking you wood not keep your agreement, espesially as the wimmen all told you not to pay me a cent.

so i am verry sorry for what i sed and i think you done prety well for a congirigasional minister and i hoap you will forgive me even if i am a unitarial and done beleeve in hel as you do.

yours very respectively Harry Shute.

i bet when old mister minister gets that leter he will wish i had staid in his chirch. but it is two lait now. i bet they will all be sorry i left the chirch.

it aint many fellers whitch are willing to oan up that they are rong as i have done in these leters.

my granmother usted to say that a soft answer tirnith away rath. so i bet i have made sum frends by them leters.

when i got throug wrighting the leters it was almost time for dinner but i had a little moar time and i rote one mor to miss Tabithy Wilkins. she is a old made and she was xcited when i holered to Beany about the wimmen chasing after the minister and i dident mean her and so i thougt i had augt to tell her so she woodent wurry. so i rote her a leter two. this is what i rote her.

Miss Tabithy Wilkins Exeter New Hampshire dear miss Wilkins. when i hollered to Beany at the picknic last weak about the wimmen running after the minister you thought i ment you and you got xcited. i thougt i wood wright and tell you who i ment. i dident meen you at all. i ment your 2 sisters Mary Ann and Unice and i ment missis Angilina Annis and Feeby Derborn and 2 or 3 others.

i hoap you have not wurred about this. i rote jest as soon as i cood for i have been awful sick and lade between life and deth for a long time and coodent see ennything becaus my eys were all swole up by poizen ivory. i gnew you wood be glad to know i dident meen you, but i wood speek to your 2 sisters if i was you.

yours very respectively Harry Shute.

after i had rote that i got sum stampls of mother.

she wanted to know what i wanted them for and when i told her what i had did she sed it was verry brave of me to admiit i was rong and i must feel verry happy over it and i sed i did and i et my dinner and put the leters in the post ofice and all i have got to do now is to have a good time for the nex 2 weaks.

September 3th, 186---brite and fair and hot as time. i dident have enny chanse to wright ennything yesterday. i dident feel mutch like it neether. i dont believe enny feller had so mutch truble in 2 weaks as i had last nite. to hear father talk you wood think i was a bank burglar or a cannybile whitch kills and eats children. i have been jawed and licked and kep in my room and sent to bed without super, only Cele brougt it up after father had went down town, and had evry thing did to me jest becaus i rote them leters and i dont see what there was in them leters to make ennyone mad. i coodent wright enny beter leters than them if i tride a hole weak, and the peeple whitch got them is feerful mad with me and father says that posiably they may persecute me at law and i may have to go to jale for what i rote and father says i have got him into a feerful scraip becaus i told them peeple what he sed about them. but then he sed it so i dont see why he shood be mad, and what he sed is true and he says that evrybody knows it is true so i done see why he shood be mad.

the wirst of it is mother is mad with me two, that is to say mother aint mad xactly for she dont get mad but she is verry mutch displeesed with me and sed i done rong in wrighting to them as i did. i dont see why. ferst she says i done rong by hollering to Beany about them and she was glad i begged their pardon and now she says i done rong becaus i dident stop when i begged their pardon and not say enny more. of course i had to xplain things to them. ennyway i dont understand it now and i dont beleeve i shall if i have to go to jale for forty-five years. i wonder if peeple ever do stay in jale forty-five years. peraps i shall find out sum day.

i dont care. ennything i sbetter than having evrybody mad with you. a feller mite as well be ded.

i wish i was ded. if i was ded peraps sum of them wood be sorry.

well day before yesterday was a bully day. i went fishing in the morning with Pewt and Fatty Melcher and cougt 2 hogbaks, old lunkers and 3 pickeril and a big roach almost as big as the one i left in my jaket poket the time the folks thougt there was a ded rat in the wall of the house and got old man Staples to pull down the plastering.

then in the afternoon i went b.u.t.terfling with Potter Goram and got sum splendid red and black ones on the nettle flowers by the side of the road. father he came home from Boston good-natured and was glad to see i was so mutch better and we had the roach and pickeril for supper and they was fine.

after supper father went down town for sumthing and we was setting round the table. Cele had read the 95nd palsam and was reading Dare Devvil Dave the Ded Shot and i was wateing for father who sed he wood bring me a new novil from Fogg and Fellers store. Keene was reading the Fireside Companion, mother lets her read that insted of the New York Legger. Georgie was putting a picture puzel together and Annie and Franky and the baby had been put to bed when i heard father comin up the steps. as soon as he opened the door i sed have you got my novil and he sed the thing you will get is a thundering good licking insted of a novil and i see i a minit that he was mad. so i sed what have i done and he sed what in thunder did you wright that devilish leter to that infernal idiut Aspinwall for? and i sed i done it to beg his pardon and mother she sed i done rite. then father he sed that is a prety way to beg a mans pardon by telling him i sed he was a dam hippokrit. then i sed i dident say you sed he was a dam hippokrit i only sed you sed when a man tries to be a decon and a plug ugly one at the same time it was the dam hippockerasy of the thing that made you mad. i dident say you sed he was a dam hippokrit.

father he sed for G.o.ddlemitys sakes what is the difference? what rite had you to tell him that ennyway and i sed well you did say it dident you? and he sed of coa.r.s.e i sed it and it is true but if you dont know enny more than to tattle evrything i say at home i will give you a good sound thrashing rite now and i thougt i was going to get it when mother sed wait George to father and then she sed to me what did you wright to decon Aspinwall and i cood remember all of it and i told her jest what i had rote and she leened back in her chair and begun to laff and laffed and laffed until i thought she wood fall out of her chair and Aunt Sarah she laffed almost as hard as mother and father he begun to laff and then we all laffed. i laffed becaus i see father laffin and i sed to my self it is all rite he wont lick me now. so i laffed. after we had stoped laffing mother sed how did you find out about the letter George and father he sed i went into Fogg and Fellers store to get your novil and while i was talking to Jack Fogg up come decon Aspinwall as red as a beat and sed what do you mean George Shute by calling me a dam hippokrit? and i sed i havent called you a dam hippokrit or enny sort of a hippokrit and he sed yes you have and i have it hear in black and white and he shook a leter rite in my face.

so i sed i dont know what you meen. i havent rote any leter about you and he sed i know it but your misable son has ritten this atrosius ep.i.s.sle and you shall pay for it sir, you shall pay for it. well all the peeple in the store were lissening and i was a geting mad and so i sed well decon i know you aint drunk for you are to cussed meen to pay for a drink and so i gess you must be crasy but to keep you from going cleer out of your mind i will read the leter and i was sirprized. but i tried to smooth it over and sed now decon do you supose for one minit that i ever thougt that of you, mutch less sed it?

and he sed yes sir that is jest what a man like you wood say and think two. well i kep my temper and tride to smooth him down but the more i tride the mader he got and finally he told me i was a defaimer of innosent persens and that he wood maik me proove it in coart. then i got mad and sed look hear you longnosed old vagrant, sue and be d.a.m.ned, but i have heard enuf of your chin musick and if you say 2 words moar i will smash that sankit monious old snout of yours so flat that they wont be able to see your ears. then i told him to go to h.e.l.l and i come home. but it was the bigest fool performance to wright a leter like that i ever heard of and if you ever do ennything again like that i will tan the hide off of you.

i sed i woodent and i hoaped n.o.body wood say enny more but jest then mother sed i hoap you were moar cairful about the other leters and father he sed what have you sent enny others and i sed yes sir and he sed who elce did you wright to and i told him and he sed what did you wright to Missis Peezly and i sed i told her i was verry sorry for what i hollered to Beany and asted her to forgive me, and he sed are you sure and i sed yes sir hoap to die and cross my throte. and he sed what did you wright to Rody Shatuck and i sed i rote her jest about the saim as i had rote to Missis Peezly and he asted if i was sure and i sed hoap to die and cross my throte. and he asted me what i rote to the minister and i sed i asked him to forgive me becaus i douted his word and for sa.s.sing him and he sed are you sure and i sed hoap to die and cross my throte.

then he asted if i rote the same to the other peeple and i sed yes ser and he sed well thank the good lord you had more sence than you did when you rote the leter to old Aspinwall. and i sed yes sir I am glad i had so i thougt i was all rite when the door bell rang kind of mad. i can always tell how a person feals when he rings our doorbell and when he neerly pulls it out i know he is mad. i felt as if sumthing was going to hapen jest then.

well Cele went to the door and i heard a woman asing if father was in and i reconised Misses Peezlys voice and i gnew she was mad and i wondered what she was mad for. so father he went in and i cood her her yapping away at him and cood hear father talking but coodent hear what they was saying.

mother sed i hope you told your father the truth and i sed yes mam. bimeby father come in and called mother and she went in and i cood hear her talking.

jest then the door bell rang and Cele let in old Rody Shatuck and a minit afterwerds in come Angelina Annis and Unice and Mary Ann Wilkins and Feeby Derborn all of them jest mad enuf to fite. i cood tell they was mad by the way they asted for father. i tell you i got fealing prety sick but i coodent see what they was mad about. when they went into the parlor you wood have thougt it was a chirch meating when they was voating for the carpet in the vestry. evry woman talked to onct jest as loud as they cood. i never head such a noise in my life before. bimeby father come in and told me to come in and told me not to say a word unless to answer questions that he asked. i hated awful to go in but i had to. when i got in they was all there with there faces as red as beats and mad enuf to bit spikes.

Rody Shatuck called me a misable brat and old Missis Peezly called me a low minded retch and made a mosshun as if she was going to paist me one with her old umbrela, but father told me to set down in a chair by mother then Angelina sed to mother that she augt to be ashaimed of herself for incurageing me in my criminallity. that is what she sed but i dident know what she ment. but father who had not yipped a single yip sence i went in sed loud now look hear Misses Shatuck i want you to understand that you must keep Missis Shute out of this discussion. you can say what you like to me or about me and when you are all through i may have sumthing to say but if ennyone of you say a word disrespectful to her why then we will stop this thing to onct. Now if you understan that go ahead. well i gess they understood it for of all the talk you ever heard, you wood have thought to thousand hens was cakling. they jest give it to me and father.

father looked stern and serius but i thougt i cood see sumthing in his eys that looked like he wanted to laff, but mother dident look a bit like laffing. bimeby when they had talked about a hour it seamed to me they stoped. then father sed now young ladies i am a grate deel older then you are and have tride to look at the matter on both sides. why father aint within a most a hundred years so old as eny of them but he gnew how to pleese them. mother looked mad but father went on. as for you Missis Peezly n.o.body here ever heard of you having fits or ennything else. i goke a good deel to home here and i never goke about peeple i dont like. it is always about peeple for which i have the greatest respec and liking. i may have sed sumthing like what he sed and if i did i hadent augt to have did it, and woodent have did it if i had suposed that this boy woodent have gnew better than to have took it serius. i beg your pardon verry sincerely and this boy must do it two. so father he done it and i had to do it a 2th time. well she told father she was sorry she lost her temper with him for evrybody sed he was a perfick gentleman, but she still thougt the boy had augt to be punished verry sevearly for mottifiing her so. father he sed she mite be very sure he wood attend to that and he glore at me when he sed it as if he wood cut me into 40 peaces and she sed good nite to father and good nite to mother and mother looked at her as if she wasent there and old Missis Peezly tirned red and snifed and went out stifleged.

then father he sed to Rody Shatuck now Missis Shatuck the last thing in the wirld that a yung lady shood be ashamed of is to be slite and graiceful.

that is one of the menny things you had augt to be proud of. there isnt a fat woman in this town whitch dusent envy you for your graice and activity, of coa.r.s.e the boy was very infortunate in his choice of words but i asure you that the only thing he did was to call two publick atension to your verry atractive figure. i am real sorry i was not there to taik advantage of a most unusual oportunity.

and then old Rody gigled and sed she had been told she had a fine figure but she dident like to be told like i told it and father glore at me again and sed it woodent happen again and she sed goodnite to father and to mother and mother looked at her as if she wasent there at all and she tirned red and snifed and went off stifleged like old Missis Peezly.

then father sed to Mary Ann and Unice Wilkins and Feeby Derborn. young ladies there probly aint enny peeple that do as mutch for the moral uplif of the chirch as those devoted young wimmen whitch do so mutch to help the minister in his menny duties in the chirch and parrish and when the history of the chirch is rote you young ladies will occupy a very high place on the role of onner. they always is and always will be peeple whitch is consoomed with gelousy and probly sum one has sed things and my son has heard them. but i am sure young ladies whitch is so kind harted as you have shew yourselfs to be will not be two sevear on a boy whitch at the time was sufering from poizen ivory and over eating and as for his part he wood punish him sevearly for saying what he did.

so they sed if he wood do that it wood be all rite and they sed it was a pleasure to talk with a man who was so willing to do rite and to maik others do rite and father sed it was a pleasure to meat and talk to ladies of their standing in chirch and in society and he shook hands with them and they sed good nite to father and to mother and mother looked at them jest as if they wasent there, and they all tirned red and snifed and went off mad as time and jest as stifleged as the others.

well after they had went father looked at mother kind of funny and scrached his hed and sed well Joey, he calls mother Joey, you have got about as mutch tack as a fire alarm on resurexion day and mother sed George Shute do you realy mean to say that you are going to whip him for lying to you after what you have sed to them wimmen? and father laffed and sed he had to do sumthing to teech me a lesson and that one moar nite like this wood send him to a mad house. and mother told him he lide to them wimmen wirse than i had lide to him and he sed it wasent lies it was dipplomercy and if she had enny tack he wood have had them gnitting sox and mittens for him, and mother snifed two.

so then he took me up stairs and licked me. not verry hard but moar than i desirved. but the wirst was that i cant go out of the yard for 3 days and nex weak is the last weak of vacation. i think it is prety meen to treat a boy so whitch has lade between life and deth for 3 days. i always get the wirst of it when i try to be good.

i never will try to be good again if i live a million years.

September 4, 186- brite and fair. it mite jest as well rane as not. i cant go out of the yard today and none of the fellers have been up. i saw Beany ride by on Jo Palmers back. i hollered at him but he dident look. then Pewt went down throug the high school yard with 2 oars over his shoulder. me and Pewt aint so frendly now becaus old man Purinton has bougt 2 boats, new ones and is leting them to peeple for less than i get for mine. he has painted them all white with a red rim and a picture on the stirn and they dont enny peeple want my boat. i wasent mad with Pewt but he feals so big over his old boats that it maiks me sick.

ennyway he mite have come over to see me when i was sick and laid between life and deth 3 days.

sum other peeple mite have come. Lizzie Tole was one of them. if it had been Beany she wood have went to see him.

i read in a book onct how a feller had a girl whitch took up with another feller whitch had a fine horse and buggy and a silver mounted harnis.

so this feller told her he had lost all faith in wimmens consistency and had put them out of his life for ever. so the girl laffed and told him all rite she dident cair. so he went away with his hart curroded with bitterniss and went to wirk in a hotel. He wirked so hard that in 3 years he oaned the hotel and had money in the bank. then the girl rote him that she had always luved him and never had luved the other feller but he rote her that the dye was cast, he shood never marry. and he never did, so his children never gnew a mothers cair.

so i shall never marry like that feller who dident and all on account of Beany. sumhow i cant get mad with Beany. i had augt to menny times and keep mad two but i cant do it.

September 5, 186---i got up erly this morning befoar father went to Boston and took cair of Nellie and swept out the stable and luged in the water and split a lot of wood and blacked fathers boots and set up and had breckfast with him. i was hoaping he wood let me go out of the yard. but he dident say nothing about that but did say i had got to get up evry morning befoar he goes away and do my ch.o.r.es i done them so well this morning. i thougt that was a prety mean thing for him to do. i wished i hadent got up. well tonite father he caime home mad and sed i was the bigest fool he ever see. he sed i had blacked his boots with stove polish and evrybody laffed at him. so i wont have to get up.

i had to black his boots over 2 times with Day and Martins blacking befoar i cood get them to shine.

it was a awful long day in the yard. Beany brougt his black and tan terrier over and we got Frank Haines dog over and had a fite but jest as they were going good mother come out and poared a pale of water on them and they run off prety quuick.

neether licked. that is always the way. sumbody always stops the good fites.

it was Saterday nite and after i had luged in about a milion pales of water and filled all the tubs for the folks to taik there baths in father he sed to mother, Joey, he calls her Joey, becaus her name is Joanna. sumtimes when father wants to plage her he calls her Johanna with a h and says she is irish. she dont like that becaus she is inglish.

mother came to America when she was 3 years of aig and so she doesent remember verry much about ingland. father says mother dont understand gokes becaus she is inglish and mother says she is glad of it becaus a good menny of fathers gokes hadent augt to be understood by ennybody. when she says that father always laffs and says she is a goker herself sumtimes.

well i forgot what i was a going to say becaus when i wright about my father and mother i dont think about ennything else they are so bully. My father was the best fiter in Exeter or ennywhere elce. Ed Thursten told me that once he and father went down to newmarket and a feller in the hotel tride to lick father and father hit him a old he one in the snout and gnocked him up 2 flites of stairs and round 3 corners befoar he stoped. i bet they aint many fellers whitch cood do that. ennyway Ed was there and seen him do it and he says he can show me the hotel and the stairs and the corners he went round and the big dent in the wall where he stoped. so i gess it must be so. i bet Beanys father coodent do it. i bet Pewts coodent eether.

evrybody likes father and calls him George and he gokes with them and gets them to say funny things and then he laffs and evrybody laffs. so he dont never have to fite now. i am glad of it for i shoodent like to se father fite even if he can lick evrybody.

gosh it is funny i forgot what i was going to say.

you see i think father and mother is about the best peeple in the wirld. i dont know whitch is best.

father says mother is wirth 500 of him and he augt to know becaus he has gnew her longer than i have.

well father sed well Joey, he calls her Joey, how has the boy behaived himself today and mother sed he has done verry well indeed. so father he sed to me what do you say if we go in swimming at the gravil and i sed all rite i wood like to. so we went down to the boat and i rew him up to the gravil and we went in and had a grate swim. father dont like to have me swim under water. he says i stay under so long that he gets scart for fear that i wont never come up. after we got back home he let me go down town with him and after he had been to old Tom Conners store and old Nat Weeks and old Josh Getchels and Gid Lyfords we went into Fogg and Fellows store and father bougt a new novil for me. the naim of it is Grissly Ike the Scalp Lifter. i bet it is a riper. i havent read it yet becaus father sed as long as he let me go out befoar my tirm of imprisenment was over i had got to let Cele read it first. so she read it most all the evining. she only read one palsam tonite. she aint so religus as i thougt she was when they is a new novil round.

September 6, 186---brite and fair to-day and cool. it feals like autum. i tell you i dont like to have the summer go. one weak from nex munday school begins. i hait to think of it. we will have to do the old xamples about A. and B. and how many squaire feet there is in 4 ackers 2 roods and 28 rods and New Hamshire is bounded on the north by Maine on the east by long ileand Sound on the south by Rode Iland and Conetticut and on the west by New York, and the capital of Tennysee is Tallyha.s.sy and the capital of New York is Oswego and things we lerned last year. sumtimes i feal like saying to old Francis, who sed it aint, but i know if i did he wood lam time out of me.