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But maybe not right now.
Her stomach rumbled. Ice cream sounded good now, not mental agony. Ice cream. With lots and lots of chocolate.
Chapter 23.
Tears filled her eyes, but didn't spill over. Holding her shoulders in his hands, Levi leaned down and kissed her forehead. He couldn't think of anything to say, but then, they'd already said everything they needed to the night before. There was nothing left.
With a small smile, he let her go then turned on his heel.
He breathed in deep then exhaled slowly as he walked to the Prius, keys in hand. The sun was shining, the morning air smelled like spring it was a brand new day.
As he drove out of the condo parking lot, he spared one last glance at Heidi in the rearview mirror. Standing alone on the sidewalk in her pink pajamas, she gave him a small wave. He waved back until she was out of his view.
A new adventure awaited and he had no idea what to expect. For now, he just drove.
Chapter 24.
She had to get up eventually. Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and brooding was a stupid waste of time. This was the last day of the convention and Emerson had vowed to get her money's worth. She'd moped around enough yesterday. Today, she had to move her a.s.s.
Groaning, she rolled out of bed and searched the messy room for something decent to wear. She pulled on jeans and the t-shirt she hadn't worn yet that read There's no such thing as anonymous. Levi would've made fun of it if he were here.
Her stomach rumbled. Priorities: Food. Coffee. Convention.
She checked her email quickly, noting Levi had asked for her parents' address. He'd probably spent the night at Heidi's house. The idea disgusted her, though she didn't understand why. Heidi hadn't cheated after all. Other than the lying, she might be a good person.
Emerson scoffed. n.o.body was good enough for Levi.
Whoa. Where did that come from? That errant thought plus the intense jealousy she felt toward Heidi was more than disturbing. Must be lack of coffee.
Yeah. Let's go with that.
After packing up her stuff, she headed downstairs and straight to the Starbucks attached to the hotel. Minutes later she was caffeinated, fed, and ready for a day of learning and avoiding Michael Chen, who was no doubt looking for an answer from her.
Join the club. She'd like some answers too.
At the convention, she decided to play a game to stay occupied. A war game where entrants attack and defend software would be fun but enough of a challenge to keep a certain someone out of her mind. Hopefully.
Glued to a screen, she tuned out the sounds around her. Time pa.s.sed as she let herself get immersed in the game. It wasn't until her stomach started growling again and she had to pee that she bowed out and left the area.
After using the bathroom, she made her way toward the exit where a slew of restaurant options sat on the main road. The morning had flown by, which was exactly what happened when she got lost in her work. Maybe she'd go to a panel or lecture after lunch, just to slow things down.
Tomorrow brought dread and excitement. The paradoxical reaction was annoying especially the excitement part. She didn't want to want to see him. Dread was better, more right. Why spend eight hours in a car with a guy who was over the moon for someone else? A guy who bought her candy, smelled good, and made her laugh. Whose voice lulled her at night when she couldn't sleep. Whose s.e.xy body and charming smile haunted her dreams.
Yeah. This was gonna suck.
He'd sing Heidi's praises and Emerson would have to repress her gag reflex while stewing in her unexplained jealousy.
Pushing through the heavy door to get outside, she readied herself for the cold blast of Chicago air.
"Emerson!"
She froze. Huh? Slowly, she turned to face the direction of the voice. She took three steps back in, letting the door close behind her. Did she imagine someone calling her name? Or maybe there was another Emerson in the crowd.
She scanned the people streaming in and out of the busy hotel foyer. The owner of the voice eluded her.
Sighing, she turned away. Crazy much, Emerson?
"Em!"
That was definitely real. She spun back around and spotted him. From across the lobby, Levi stood on his tiptoes, waving madly. A smile found its way onto her lips. Her muscles tightened, poised to run to him.
Whoa. Simmer down.
This was not a cheesy romance movie. She did not need to go leaping into his arms like a f.u.c.king Hallmark commercial either. Questions needed to be answered. Like, what the h.e.l.l was he doing here?
Still, it was hard to slow her feet as she tried to casually stroll toward him. Grinning, he walked to her and they met in the middle of the entrance, underneath a grand chandelier.
"What the h.e.l.l are you doing here?" she demanded, realizing after how rude she sounded.
But he only stared at her, wearing a ridiculous sappy smile. "I missed that too," he said more to himself.
Missed? He was on crack. What else could explain this? "What are you talking about? Where's Heidi?"
"At home. We broke up."
She eyed him curiously. He didn't seem sad about it. No, he was still grinning at her. His thumbs hooked in his pockets and he rocked back on his heels.
Her heart was skipping beats inside her chest. She'd never been so happy to see someone, but letting on meant risking her heart. It was better to stay reserved, cynical even, than to hope he was there for her.
"Why?" she asked.
He considered her for a moment then stepped in. Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her. Every nerve awakened. The heat from his mouth seemed to shoot through her body like an electric current. Her muscles softened, making her want to melt against him. His familiar scent comforted her, chased the feelings of loneliness away until all she felt was him, filling her up with warmth and love and wholeness.
Just then, she did feel like she was in a romance movie, but as a secondary character. And somehow, the s.e.xy lead wanted her, the flat-chested nerd. She didn't turn hot and popular as soon as her gla.s.ses came off either. He knew that, yet he wanted her anyway.
Maybe.
She pulled his hands off of where he held her face. "Are you f.u.c.king with me?" She had to fight hard to keep control, to hold the tears back. This wasn't a game to her. Messing with her emotions was just cruel. She'd fallen for him days ago, but had been telling herself over and over that she couldn't have him, he wasn't hers. This flip flopping was going to break her heart.
"I'm not f.u.c.king with you," he said, rolling his eyes. "I love you, Emerson." The conviction in his voice sent a shudder through her. He meant it. "I love your sarcasm, your crazy ambition, your hair..." He chuckled and shook his head. "I never knew I could love a girl's hair. I even love your obsession with prime f.u.c.king numbers. And that scowl. The one you're wearing now. I especially love that."
Tears pushed and threatened to roll down her cheeks. But why, she wanted to demand. There had to be a better answer than that. Love just didn't make sense. It didn't fit. It felt right and good to her, but he wasn't supposed to love her. He was supposed to love Hope.
"But..." She sniffled, held it together, suddenly self-conscious of the people walking by. "But what about Heidi?"
He shook his head. "She wasn't for me. Look, I know you think love equals three x y z and some silly math equation but...love doesn't have to just take time away. It can give it too. You and I..." he paused like he was trying to find the right words, "you and I have something most people don't. We can give each other balance. I understand how important work is to you. I would never want to get in the way of that. But love gives back. While you're caught in your crazy web of math problems, I can go grocery shopping so you're eating more than just ketchup and sour milk all the time." He looked at the floor then back to her. "I have things to offer, if you're willing to give me just a little bit of your time. X can equal something small, can't it?" His pleading smile awoke something inside her. "And sometimes doesn't the sum of small numbers equal something big? Well, that could be us too. Love is bigger than the sacrifice to get it."
For the last few years, she'd put aside her heart, her human needs as much as possible and focused on her intellect. The last week had gradually opened that side of her, like a door that had been nailed shut to keep out intruders that would compromise her work. Levi had chipped away slowly at that door and, now, as he bared the truth of his feelings, and laid it all out there in front of her, the wall around her heart came crashing down.
She couldn't do much more than stare without completely losing her s.h.i.t. She was scrambling to close the door, put herself back together, box it all in where it was safe and contained. But it was far too late to go back. Levi had uncovered her heart. He'd opened her up and made her vulnerable. If he hurt her now, she was going to be so p.i.s.sed.
As she stared, silently, he frowned. His forehead wrinkled and shoulders sagged. "I just bared my soul to you. Aren't you going to say something?"
She thought for a moment, trying to calm her buzzing nerves, and think of something remotely as romantic or meaningful to say. She looked up into his worried eyes, feeling her bottom lip quiver. "I think my heart just lagged."
His furrowed brow relaxed as amus.e.m.e.nt hit. He smiled. "Is that like the geek version of I love you?"
Nodding, she threw herself into his arms. Stupid betraying tears poured down her face where he probably felt them on his neck.
"What about your love equation?" he rasped. "Are you sure I'm worth it?"
Three x squared plus y equals love. The number for x had already proven to take up a large chunk of the weekend. She was behind in her work because of him. She started to do a quick calculation in her head to solve for x based on the pattern of time used for the weekend. As he kissed her neck then her cheeks where her tears fell, the numbers got all jumbled up.
With a frustrated grunt, she mumbled into his neck, "f.u.c.k it."
And right there, in the middle of a crowd full of the smartest people in the world, she let him love her, not caring that she looked like a fool.
Chapter 25.
Levi knew he'd made the right decision the moment he spotted Emerson in the crowded foyer. The six hour drive that morning had been more than worth it. Heidi was sweet but she was no Emerson.
Now that he had her in his arms, he could relax. The world just seemed right. And even though he knew they were probably making a scene in the hotel lobby, all he could focus on was Em. His girl.
She shook against him, her face pressed into his neck. He could feel wet there from her eyes. The tears were a surprise. He wanted to wipe them away forever, and make sure she never had a reason to cry again.
He'd known it was a risk interrupting her convention, professing his love. He'd expected to get shot down, or at least told off, but he couldn't help himself. After he'd broken things off with Heidi, the only logical thing to do had been to drive. When he'd gotten back to her parents' house, it didn't seem right either, so he kept going. At the time, he'd known it was insane. But it was one of those insane things that only ever happened in romance movies and for some reason, turned out okay for him too. He'd been prepared either way, though the speech had been kind of an improv. But she'd said it. She'd actually said it.
She loved him.
Finally, Emerson released her death grip around his neck and stepped back. "What should we do now?" Blushing, she gazed around them. "We've made a spectacle of ourselves."
He ignored the strange looks and shrugged. "Where were you headed?"
"Lunch. I'm starving."
"Me too." He took her hand, more content than he'd ever been, then walked toward the exit. "I woke up at five AM to get here so I might need a little nap later."
She chuckled. "You're crazy. This is the wrong direction to get home, dork."
They walked out of the hotel and onto the sidewalk. Chicago was colder than he'd prepared for. He zipped his coat and Emerson did the same. The wind whipped her hair around her face, making her look a little wild.
"Wanna grab a sandwich and bring it to the room?" she asked, yelling over the wind and city noises.
He nodded. A little while later, they were finishing their drinks as they sat on the floor of her hotel room. He was having trouble wiping his grin away. Emerson looked happier than he'd ever seen her, which meant not scowling. They eyed the one queen size bed a few times, but had mostly eaten quietly. He wondered if she was thinking what he was.
After they finished their meals, Emerson looked at him and nodded. "Nap?"
"Yes."
She stared at him a moment longer then smirked. Her eyes narrowed in mischief as she stood up. Why did it feel like napping was a euphemism for something? She unb.u.t.toned her jeans and he was about to ask her what she was doing, but when she slid her pants down her s.e.xy legs, he lost all thought. Smooth, creamy skin perfectly shaped legs, long and lean and kissable. "Yeah, I'm up for that."
"What?"
In a flash, he jumped up from the floor and leapt at her. She yelped in surprise as he tackled her onto the bed.
"I'm just taking them off to sleep, you idiot," she said laughing as he covered her face and neck in kisses.
"Mmmm." He inhaled deeply, relishing her sweet scent. "You should know better than to bare your legs in front of me. You'll never be left innocent when you do that."
Chuckling, she looked up into his eyes ran a finger across his forehead, down his cheek then traced his lips. "You need to sleep."
"I'll sleep when I'm dead." He moved downward and lifted her shirt with his teeth then kissed her belly. "I only have a lifetime to corrupt you."
"Corrupt me?" She giggled and squirmed as he nipped her soft skin. "You make me sound like some kind of blessed virgin."
He breathed against her belly, inhaling her scent, letting it fill his lungs and his memory. When he exhaled, it must've tickled her because she wriggled and tried to push him off.
"Stay still," he ordered. When she did, he dragged his gaze up and down her body. Why was she still wearing clothes? The urge to be naked, feel her skin against his, was strong.
"G.o.d, you're hot," he mumbled, staring at her b.r.e.a.s.t.s.
Frowning, she covered them with her arms.
He tsked. "None of that." Girls were so self-conscious of their bodies. He'd never understand it. It was their natural G.o.d-given curves, soft skin, and girly scent that men loved. Every imperfection stretch mark, mole, wrinkle just added to the humanness, gave women character. The guys he knew didn't want a boring Barbie doll.