Best Science Fiction of the Year 1984 Part 37

"That doesn't make it ethical for Bohentin to destroy them. Ethical or legal."

"It's legal on Dominica. And in thinking you know better than the partic.i.p.ants what they should risk their own lives for, aren't you playing G.o.d?"

"Better me than some untrained fanatic who offers himself up like an exalted Viking hero, expecting Valhalla."

"You're an intellectual sn.o.b, Seena."

"I never denied it."

"Are you sure you aren't really objecting not to the Insti-tute's dangers but to its purpose? Isn't the 'Hope' part what really bothers you?"

"I don't think scientific method and pseudo-religious mush mix, no. I never did. I don't think it leads to a perception of G.o.d."

"The holotank tapes indicate it leads to a perception of something the brain hasn't encountered before," Devrie said, and for a moment I was silent.

I was once, almost, a biologist. I was aware of the legiti-mate studies that formed the basis for Bohentin's megaloma-nia: the brain wave changes that accompany anorexia nervosa, sensory deprivation, biological feedback, and neurotransmit-ter stimulants. I have read the historical accounts, some merely pathetic but some disturbingly not, of the Christian mystics who achieved rapture through the mortificationof the flesh and the Eastern mystics who achieved anesthesia through the control of the mind, of the faith healers who succeeded, of the carcinomas shrunk through trained will. I knew of the research of focused clairvoyance during o.r.g.a.s.m, and of what happens when neurotransmitter number and speed are in-creased chemically.

And I knew all that was known about the twin trance.

Fifteen years earlier, as a doctoral student in biology, I had spent one summer replicating Sunderwirth's pioneering study of drug-enhanced telepathy in identical twins. My results were positive, except that within six months all eight of my research subjects had died. So had Sunderwirth's.

Twin-trance research became the cloning controversy of the new decade, with the same panicky cycle of public outcry, legal restrictions, religious misunderstandings, fear, and demagogu-ery. When I received the phone call that the last of my subjects was dead-cardiac arrest, no history of heart disease, forty-three G.o.dd.a.m.n years old-I locked myself in my apart-ment, with the lights off and my father's papers clutched in my hand, for three days. Then I resigned from the neurology department and became an entomologist. There is no pain in cla.s.sifying dead insects.

"There is something there," Devrie had repeated. She was holding the letter sent to our father, whom someone at the Inst.i.tute had not heard was dead. "It says the holotank tapes-''

"So there's something there," I said. "So the tanks are picking up some strange radiation. Why call it 'G.o.d'?"

"Why not call it G.o.d?"

"Why not call it Rover? Even if I grant you that the tape pattern looks like a presence-which I don't-you have no way of knowing that Bohentin's phantom isn't, say, some totally unG.o.dlike alien being."

"But neither do I know that it is."

"Devrie-"

She had smiled and put her hands on my shoulders. She had-has, has always had-a very sweet smile. "Seena. Think. If the Inst.i.tute can prove rationally that G.o.d exists- can prove it to the intellectual mind, the doubting Thomases who need something concrete to study... faith that doesn't need to be taken on faith..."

She wore her mystical face, a glowing softness that made me want to shake the silliness out of her.

Instead I made some clever riposte, some sarcasm I no longer remember, and reached out to ruffle her hair. Big-sisterly, patronizing, think-ing I could deflate her rapturous interest with the pin-p.r.i.c.k of ridicule.

G.o.d, I was an a.s.s. It hurts to remember how big an a.s.s I was.

A month and a half later Devrie committed herself and half her considerable inheritance to the Inst.i.tute of the Biological Hope.

"Tell me," Devrie whispered. The Inst.i.tute had no win-dows; outside I had seen gra.s.s, palm trees, b.u.t.terflies floating in the sunshine, but inside here in the bare gray room there was nowhere to look but at her face.

"He's a student in a Master's program at a third-rate college in New Hampshire. He was adopted when he was two, nearly three, in March of 1997. Before that he was in a government-run children's home. In Boston, of course. The adopting family, as far as I can discover, never was told he was anything but one more toddler given up by somebody for adoption."

"Wait a minute," Devrie said. "I need... a minute."

She had turned paler, and her hands trembled. I had recited the information as if it were no more than an exhibit listing at my museum. Of course she was rattled. I wanted her rattled. I wanted her out.Lowering herself to the floor, Devrie sat cross-legged and closed her eyes. Concentration spread over her face, but a concentration so serene it barely deserved that name. Her breathing slowed, her color freshened, and when she opened her eyes, they had the rested energy of a person who has just slept eight hours in mountain air. Her face even looked plumper, and an EEG, I guessed, would show d.a.m.n near alpha waves. In her year at the Inst.i.tute she must have mastered quite an array of biofeedback techniques to do that, so fast and with such a malnourished body.

"Very impressive," I said sourly.

"Seena-have you seen him?"

"No. All this is from sealed records."

"How did you get into the records?"

"Medical and governmental friends."

"Who?"

"What do you care, as long as I found out what you wanted to know?"

She was silent. I knew she would never ask me if I had obtained her information legally or illegally; it would not occur to her to ask. Devrie, being Devrie, would a.s.sume it had all been generously offered by my modest museum con-nections and our dead father's immodest research connec-tions. She would be wrong.

"How old is he now?"

"Twenty-four years last month. They must have used your two-month tissue sample."

"Do you think Daddy knew where the... baby went?"

"Yes. Look at the timing-the child was normal and healthy, yet he wasn't adopted until he was nearly three. The research-ers kept track of him, all right; they kept all six clones in a government-controlled home where they could monitor their development as long as humanely possible.

The same-s.e.x clones were released for adoption after a year, but they hung onto the cross-s.e.x ones until they reached an age where they would become harder to adopt. They undoubtedly wanted to study them as long as they could. And even after the kids were released for adoption, the researchers held off publish-ing until all six were placed and the records sealed. Dad's group didn't publish until April, 1998, remember. By the time the storm broke, the babies were out of its path, and anonymous."

"And the last," Devrie said.

"And the last," I agreed, although of course the research-ers hadn't foreseen that. So few in the scientific community had foreseen that. Offense against G.o.d and man, Satan's work, natter natter.

Watching my father's suddenly stooped shoulders and stricken eyes, I had thought how ugly public revulsion could be and had n.o.bly resolved-how had I thought of it then? So long ago-resolved to s.n.a.t.c.h the banner of pure science from my fallen father's hand. Another time that I had been an a.s.s. Five years later, when it had been my turn to feel the ugly scorching of public revulsion, I had broken, left neurological research, and fled down the road that led to the Museum of Natural History, where I was the curator of ants fossilized in amber and moths pinned securely under permaplex.

"The other four clones," Devrie said, "the ones from that university in California that published almost simultaneously with Daddy-"

"I don't know. I didn't even try to ask. It was hard enough in Cambridge."

"Me," Devrie said wonderingly. "He's me."

"Oh, for-Devrie, he's your twin. No more than that. No-actually less than that. He shares your genetic material exactly as an identical twin would, except for the Y chromo-some, but he shares none ofthe congenital or environmental influences that shaped your personality. There's no mystical replication of spirit in cloning. He's merely a twin who got born eleven months late!"

She looked at me with luminous amus.e.m.e.nt. I didn't like the look. On that fleshless face, the skin stretched so taut that the delicate bones beneath were as visible as the veins of a moth wing, her amus.e.m.e.nt looked ironic. Yet Devrie was never ironic. Gentle, pa.s.sionate, trusting, a little stupid, she was not capable of irony. It was beyond her, just as it was beyond her to wonder why I, who had fought her entering the Inst.i.tute of the Biological Hope, had brought her this infor-mation now. Her amus.e.m.e.nt was one-layered, and trusting.

G.o.d's fools, the Middle Ages had called them.

"Devrie," I said, and heard my own voice unexpectedly break, "leave here. It's physically not safe.

What are you down to, ten percent body fat? Eight? Look at yourself, you can't hold body heat, your palms are dry, you can't move quickly without getting dizzy. Hypotension. What's your heart-beat? Do you still menstruate? It's insane."

She went on smiling at me. G.o.d's fools don't need men-struation. "Come with me, Seena. I want to show you the Inst.i.tute."

"I don't want to see it."

"Yes. This visit you should see it."

"Why this visit?"

"Because you are going to help me get my clone to come here, aren't you? Or else why did you go to all the trouble of locating him?"

I didn't answer. She still didn't see it.

Devrie said, " 'Anything for a sister.' But you were al-ways more like a mother to me than a sister."

She took my hand and pulled herself off the floor. So had I pulled her up to take her first steps, the day after our mother died in a plane crash at Orly. Now Devrie's hand felt cold. I imprisoned it and counted the pulse.

"Bradycardia."

But she wasn't listening.

The Inst.i.tute was a shock. I had antic.i.p.ated the labora-tories: monotonous gray walls, dim light, heavy soundproofing, minimal fixtures in the ones used for sensory dampening; high-contrast textures and colors, strobe lights, quite good sound equipment in those for sensory arousal. There was much that Devrie, as subject rather than researcher, didn't have authority to show me, but I deduced much from what I did see. The dormitories, divided by s.e.x, were on the sensory-dampening side. The subjects slept in small cells, ascetic and chaste, that reminded me of an abandoned Carmelite convent I had once toured in Belgium. That was the shock: the physical plant felt scientific, but the atmosphere did not.

There hung in the gray corridors a wordless peace, a feeling so palpable I could feel it clogging my lungs. No. "Peace" was the wrong word. Say "peace" and the picture is pastoral, lazy sunshine and dreaming woods. This was not like that at all. The research subjects-students? postulants? -lounged in the corridors outside closed labs, waiting for the next step in their routine. Both men and women were anorec-tic, both wore gray bodysuits or caftans, both were fined down to an otherworldly ethereality when seen from a dis-tance and a malnourished as.e.xuality when seen up close. They talked among themselves in low voices, sitting with backs against the wall or stretched full-length on the carpeted floor, and on all their faces I saw the same luminous patience, the same certainty of being very near to something exciting that they nonetheless could wait for calmly, as long as necessary.

"They look," I said to Devrie, "as if they're waiting to take an exam they already know they'll ace."She smiled. "Do you think so? I always think of us as travelers waiting for a plane, boarding pa.s.ses stamped for Eternity."

She was actually serious. But she didn't in fact wear the same expression as the others; hers was far more intense. If they were travelers, she wanted to pilot.

The lab door opened and the students brought themselves to their feet. Despite their languid movements, they looked sharp: sharp protruding clavicles, bony chins, angular unpadded elbows that could chisel stone.

"This is my hour for biofeedback manipulation of drug effects," Devrie said. "Please come watch."

"I'd sooner watch you whip yourself in a twelfth-century monastery."

Devrie's eyes widened, then again lightened with that lumi-nous amus.e.m.e.nt. "It's for the same end, isn't it? But they had such unsystematic means. Poor struggling G.o.d-searchers. I wonder how many of them made it.''

I wanted to strike her. ' 'Devrie-''

"If not biofeedback, what would you like to see?"

"You out of here."

"What else?"

There was only one thing: the holotanks. I struggled with the temptation, and lost. The two tanks stood in the middle of a roomy lab carpeted with thick gray matting and completely enclosed in a Faraday cage. That Devrie had a key to the lab was my first clue that my errand for her had been known, and discussed, by someone higher in the Inst.i.tute. Research subj jects do not carry keys to the most delicate brain-perception equipment in the world. For this equipment Bohentin had received his n.o.bel.

The two tanks, independent systems, stood as high as my shoulder. The ones I had used fifteen years ago had been smaller. Each of these was a cube, opaque on its bottom half, which held the sensing apparatus, computerized simulators, and recording equipment; clear on its top half, which was filled with the transparent fluid out of whose molecules the simulations would form. A separate sim would form for each subject, as the machine sorted and mapped all the electromag-netic radiation received and processed by each brain. All that each brain perceived, not only the visuals; the holograph equipment was capable of picking up all wavelengths that the brain did, and of displaying their brain-processed a.n.a.logues as three-dimensional images floating in a clear womb. When all other possible sources of radiation were filtered out except for the emanations from the two subjects themselves, what the sims showed was what kinds of activity were coming from-and hence going on in-the other's brain. That was why it worked best with identical twins in twin trance: no structural brain differences to adjust for. In a rawer version of this holotank, a rawer version of myself had pioneered the recording of twin trances.

The UCIC, we had called it then: What you see, I see.

What I had seen was eight autopsy reports.

"We're so close," Devrie said. "Mona and Marlene"- she waved a hand toward the corridor but Mona and Marlene, whichever two they had been, had gone--"had taken KX3, that's the drug that-"

"I know what it is," I said, too harshly. KX3 reacts with one of the hormones overproduced in an anorectic body. The combination is readily absorbed by body fat, but in a body without fat, much of it is absorbed by the brain.

Devrie continued, her hand tight on my arm. "Mona and Marlene were controlling the neural reactions with biofeed-back, pushing the twin trance higher and higher, working it. Dr. Bohentin was monitoring the holotanks. The sims were incredibly detailed-everything each twin perceived in the perceptions of the other, in all wavelengths. Mona and Mar-lene forced their neurotransmission level even higher and then,in the tanks"-Devrie's face glowed, the mystic-rapture look-"a completely third sim formed.

Completely separate. A third presence."

I stared at her.

"It was recorded in both tanks. It was shadowy, yes, but it was there. A third presence that can't be perceived except through another human's electromagnetic presence, and then only with every drug and trained reaction and arousal mode and the twin trance all pushing the brain into a supraheightened state.

A third presence!"

"Isotropic radiation. Bohentin fluffed the pre-screening pro-gram and the computer hadn't cleared the background microradiation-" I said, but even as I spoke I knew how stupid that was. Bohentin didn't make mistakes like that, and isotropic radiation simulates nowhere close to the way a presence does.

Devrie didn't even bother to answer me.

This, then, was what the rumors had been about, the rumors leaking for the last year out of the Inst.i.tute and through the scientific community, mostly still scoffed at, not yet picked up by the popular press. This. A verifiable, repli-cable third presence being picked up by holography. Against all reason, a long shiver went over me from neck to that cold place at the base of the spine.

"There's more," Devrie said feverishly. "They felt it. Mona and Marlene. Both said afterwards that they could feel it, a huge presence filled with light, but they couldn't quite reach it. d.a.m.n-they couldn't reach it, Seena! They weren't playing off each other enough, weren't close enough. Weren't, despite the twin trance, melded enough."

"s.e.x," I said.

"They tried it. The subjects are all basically heteros.e.xual. They inhibit."

"So go find some h.o.m.os.e.xual G.o.d-yearning anorectic in-cestuous twins!"

Devrie looked at me straight. "I need him. Here. He is me."

I exploded, right there in the holotank lab. No one came running in to find out if the shouting was dangerous to the tanks, which was my second clue that the Inst.i.tute knew very well why Devrie had brought me there. "d.a.m.n it to h.e.l.l, he's a human being, not some chemical you can just order up because you need it for an experiment! You don't have the right to expect him to come here, you didn't even have the right to tell anyone that he exists, but that didn't stop you, did it? There are still anti-bioengineering groups out there in the real world, religious split-brains who-how dare you put him in any danger? How dare you even presume he'd be interested in this insane mush?"

"He'll come," Devrie said. She had not changed expression.

"How the h.e.l.l do you know?"

"He's me. And I want G.o.d. He will, too."

I scowled at her. A fragment of one of her poems, a thing she had written when she was fifteen, came to me: "Two humans species/Never one-/One aching for G.o.d/One never." But she had been fifteen then. I had a.s.sumed that the senti-ment, as adolescent as the poetry, would pa.s.s.

I said, "What does Bohentin think of this idea of importing your clone?"

For the first time she hesitated. Bohentin, then, was dubi-ous. "He thinks it's rather a long shot."

"You could phrase it that way."