Beauty Queens Part 15

Might I remind you that we witnessed a murder and were forced to go on the run? Believe me, I'd rather be studying for my chem final than running from barmy terrorist blokes who want to kill us just because we know too much.

PIRATE AHMED.

Captain! Starboard - look!

(Captain Sinjin puts a small telescope to his eye. When he pulls it away, his expression is one of teen heartthrob alarm. His hair is still perfect.) CAPTAIN SINJIN.

Gentlemen, we may get a battle yet.

FIRST MATE GEORGE.

Should we oil our pecs, sir, so that we'll look fantastic during the fight scenes?

CAPTAIN SINJIN.

Indeed. Gentlemen! Glisten up those pecs! And if you've got any hair gel for making tousled waves, now's the time to use it! We stand and fight. But we stand and fight with hotness on our side.

VOICEOVER.

PATRIOT DAUGHTERS. Tuesdays at 8. CAPTAINS BODACIOUS IV: BADDER AND MORE BODACIOUSER at 9. Followed by a special encore performance of CAPTAINS BODACIOUS III: THE CALL OF BOOTY at 10. Only on The Corporation Network: Giving you what you don't even know you want.

MISS TEEN DREAM FUN FACTS PAGE!.

Please fill in the following information and return to Jessie Jane, Miss Teen Dream Pageant administrative a.s.sistant, before Monday. Remember, this is a chance for the judges and the audience to get to know YOU. So make it interesting and fun, but please be appropriate. And don't forget to mention something you love about our sponsor, The Corporation!

Name: Sosie Simmons

State: Miss Illinois

Age:16

Height: 5' 6"

Weight: 118 lbs

Hair: Strawberry blond

Eyes: Green

Best Feature: My hands

Fun Facts About Me: I am hearing impaired but that doesn't stop me! I hear with my heart. Well, not really. Because, as anybody who is not a complete and total moron knows, the heart does not have ears. This is the kind of s**t they make disabled people say all the time so everybody's all "okay" with us. Soooo annoying.

I perform with the non-hearing dance troupe Helen Keller-bration! And by "non-hearing" I mean deaf. Again, people, get over yourselves.

My dream is to have my own dance troupe and work with kids. For real.

Once, I saved my family from an earthquake because I could sense the seismic activity.

My favorite Corporation TV show is the makeover show, Pimp My Face (Ugly Stepsister). I love to watch the girls get all new faces and clothes. I love that part after all the bruising and swelling and st.i.tches and pain when they see themselves in the mirror for the first time and they just cry and cry. It's really sweet.

The thing that scares me most is being left out.

The thing I want most is a best friend.

21Design This!, a popular interior design show in which maligned teen contestants get to overhaul the bedroom of the person they hate most using only what they can find in the house. On hiatus after one contestant decorated her rival's room in cat poo.

22Fluffy Soft Laundry Puppy: The laundry detergent mascot that became a plush toy and multimillion-dollar product line. "Your friend in the laundry room. Cuddle up to new Fluffy Soft(tm) and see just how soft life can be!"

23Feast for the Fishermen, the ultimate emo band. Said to be sold with a complimentary prescription for antidepressants and a free flatiron.

24DiscomfortWear, shapewear designed to eliminate rolls, ripples, and m.u.f.fin tops. In some cases known to eliminate circulation and breathing. If you're not uncomfortable, it's not DiscomfortWear.

CHAPTER TWELVE.

Sosie wasn't afraid of the jungle. Her ears didn't register the screeches and growls that so unnerved the others. She heard only her heartbeat, which ticked in rhythm with the swaying leaves of a tree, the tiny ripples in the stream, the flutter of feathers on the wild bird roughly ten paces ahead of her. Her pumiced spear at the ready, Sosie crouched behind the bush to watch and wait. The bird pecked at seeds on the ground. It probably cooed or gobbled or some s.h.i.t like that, but she couldn't hear it. Maybe it was complaining about the quality of the seeds: "Really? Seeds again? I thought Wednesdays were taco day!" That's right, birdie. Life's unfair, Sosie thought as she poised her stick to strike. Go out squawking.

When the virus stole most of Sosie's hearing, it also stole her right to complain. She figured out early that n.o.body liked an angry disabled person. It messed with their sympathy, with the story in their head about people overcoming adversity to be shining lights in the world. People wanted to think you were so okay with it all so they wouldn't have to expend any energy feeling guilty. Sosie had played her part, being the smiling, plucky, don't-worry-about-me, lip-reading Pollyanna. If she was angry about how unfair life could be, she never let on. Not like Fawnda Toussaint. Fawnda was fat and in a wheelchair due to cerebral palsy. She had not gotten the memo about how disabled people were supposed to be happy and n.o.ble all the time in order to make people without disabilities feel okay about being lucky b.a.s.t.a.r.ds.

Sosie was in sixth grade when her teacher had wheeled Fawnda over to her at recess. "SOSIE," she shouted with a smile. "THIS IS FAWNDA. SHE MIGHT NEED A FRIEND HERE AT BRIGHT PROMISES ELEMENTARY. I'LL LET YOU TWO GET ACQUAINTED."

Sosie had only heard about every third word, but she understood completely that Mrs. Brewer thought she could pair disabled kids like socks. Still, she played along.

"Hi. I'm Sosie. I may be disabled but that doesn't stop me from -"

Fawnda glared. "Stop."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, Stop. With. The. Bulls.h.i.t," Fawnda enunciated clearly.

Sosie's cheeks grew hot. "It's not, um, what you said. I choose to have a positive att.i.tude. I don't let my hearing loss get me down. I can do anything a hearing person can do."

Fawnda's eyes went flinty. She grabbed a notebook from the purse dangling from her chair and scribbled with hard strokes. Then she held up the notebook for Sosie to read: Yeah? Anything? Like hear? While Sosie digested the shock of it, Fawnda flipped the notebook closed, placed it back in the purse, and stared out at the kids racing around screaming on the blacktop.

"Why are you being so mean?" Sosie asked.

Fawnda answered with a mangled shrug. "I'm not here to make anybody feel better," she enunciated. Then she wheeled herself off.

Fawnda stuck to her guns. Her seventh grade essay was ent.i.tled "The Cerebral Palsy Wheelchair Olympics Blues." Her eighth grade poetry unit featured the poems "Reasons I Hate You," "Hope You Enjoy Those Legs, Cheerleader Beyotch," and "Dear Weil-Meaning Church Groups: Please Ask Jesus to Stop d.i.c.king Around and Get Me Out of This Chair. Sincerely, Fawnda." Those had landed her a visit from the guidance counselor, who'd suggested that Fawnda might try an art therapy group to help heal her inner tantruming child. Fawnda suggested the guidance counselor might try something that started with "F" and ended in "Off." After that, Fawnda was sent to a special school for the differently abled - out of sight, out of mind, as if she had never existed.

Fawnda might not have been likeable. She might not even have been a nice person. But she had something: anger. It gave her a reason to wake up in the morning. And she wasn't giving it up just to make some guidance counselor or church group feel okay. Deep down, Sosie had admired her. Because what had she herself done? Rolled over and showed her belly. Like me and I won't be any trouble at all.

But things were different out here in the jungle. It was as if the wheels were coming off the old Sosie. She wasn't interested in being everybody's good sport anymore. The sweet deaf girl mascot. f.u.c.k that.

Bye, Bye, Birdie, she thought and let the spear fly. It veered to the right, missing the bird and bouncing into the bushes. With a panicked rustle of feathers and probably a lot of squawking, the bird flapped its wings and scuttled away.

"d.a.m.n," Sosie said. There was a tap on her shoulder and Sosie whipped around, ready to fight.

Jennifer put her hand up. "Whoa! Peace!"

"Sorry," she signed. She retrieved the spear from the bushes.

"Cool. Very B-A-D-A-S-S," Jennifer answered and finger-spelled. Her signing had gotten pretty good. "Want to go for a swim?"

"Nah. Wanna bag the bird. Sick of fish."

"Okay. Let's ..." Jennifer stopped. "What's the sign for hunt?" she asked. Sosie showed her and Jennifer repeated it. "This is cool. Like having a secret code."

Sosie glared and Jennifer's stomach tensed. "What did I say?"

"It's not code. It's how I talk." She both said and signed it, her fingers moving sharply.

"I-I didn't mean ..."

"I just need you to know that it's not some cute code. It's a language. My language."

Jennifer nodded. "What's the sign for a.s.shole?"

Sosie grinned. "Did you see which way it went?"

Jennifer shook her head.

"c.r.a.p." Sosie stuck her spear into the ground. "Hey! I've been working on a new dance based on girl superheroes. Wanna see what I've got so far?"

Jennifer nodded enthusiastically. Without hesitation, Sosie launched into her sequence, a modern dance full of grace and power and vulnerability. When she was dancing, Sosie felt as powerful as any superhero. Her body did what she wanted it to without her having to say a word. With every flex of her foot or contraction of her muscles, she came wondrously alive, blood pumping, emotions playing across her face. Once, while dancing a piece from Swan Lake, she'd cried, so overcome by the beauty of it that she felt as if she really were the dying swan. But this dance was not about wounded bird girls, and Sosie reveled in unleashing the full power of her body.

Jennifer watched, awestruck, at Sosie's grace and power and utter lack of self-consciousness. For most of her life, Jennifer had learned to hold her emotions in check. But it was obvious that Sosie had full access to hers, and Jennifer felt envious of her ease. She wondered why she'd held so tightly to her feelings for so long, and if it might be possible to give them some slack.

Sosie stopped, breathing heavily. "That's all I've got so far."

Jennifer clapped enthusiastically. She made the sign for awesome.

"Yeah?"

Jennifer nodded.

Sosie grinned and reached out to her friend. "Come dance with me."

"Oh, no!" Jennifer waved her off.

"I'll teach you! It's easy." Sosie pulled on Jennifer's arm, but Jen resisted.

"I can't dance," Jennifer signed.

Sosie scoffed. "Everybody can dance. It's about pa.s.sion. It's like kissing. If you can kiss, you can dance." Sosie looked her square in the eyes. "Can you kiss?"

Jennifer blushed hard. "Well, yeah, but -"

Sosie brightened. "Then you can dance!"

Jennifer folded her arms across her chest and shook her head.

There were few things Sosie loved more than a direct challenge. If she had to pick a personal motto, it would be "Bring it!" Her grin was a dare. "Gonna make you." Laughing, Sosie made another grab for Jennifer's arms, but Jen, also laughing, broke away.

"You're not the boss of me!" Jen yelled and adopted a fake ninja pose.

"I can make you... ." Sosie taunted. She snapped her fingers across her body like one of the Jets in West Side Story.

"Stop!"