Baseball Dads: Sex, Drugs, Murder, Children's Baseball Part 40

"Sweet Jesus, Jade, I had to hide from a tribe of pygmies last night," he explained. "They chased me everywhere! I think I beat one to death in the kitchen. It jumped out of the fridge when I went to put the milk back. I had to put a dagger through its heart."

Jade glanced into the kitchen. In the middle of the floor sat a pummeled raw chicken with a large butcher knife sticking up from it. All of the cabinet doors were open. A broken bowl of cereal lay spilled across the floor beside an empty gallon of milk.

"Aww, baby, I'm glad you're okay," she soothed. "It's time to get ready for church, okay? Jackson is getting dropped off from his sleepover any minute."

Russ pulled himself up and balanced against the wall.

"Are you just now getting home?"

"Yes, I spent the night with Kelly and Tommy, sweetie pie, and now I need to go ask Jesus for a little forgiveness."

Jade walked into her bedroom and stripped her clothes off. Russ heard the shower turn on as he tried to process what Jade had just said. He flung his underwear across the room and joined Jade in the shower so that he could interrogate her concerning the previous night's activities.

"Why the h.e.l.l do you need to talk to Jesus, Jade?" Russ demanded. "Did you see Tommy naked? Just answer me that."

Jade looked down at Russ's package briefly and winced.

"Don't worry about it, sweetie," she said with pity. "It was a lot like any other crazy night in our bedroom."

"Yeah, except it wasn't our bedroom, and I wasn't there!"

"You're so cute, honey," she said in a baby voice as she softly grabbed his manhood. "I wuv my furry widdle fella!"

"G.o.ddammit," he muttered as he stepped out of the shower and toweled off.

Tommy, Kelly, and TJ had saved seats for Russ's family at the Westside Church of Jesus. Russ glanced accusingly at Tommy as they took their seats. Kelly had a mildly uncomfortable look on her face as she hugged Jade, who took the seat right beside her. Tommy just grinned.

Pastor Jim Harper asked everyone to bow their heads, hold hands, and join him in prayer. When he asked for G.o.d to forgive everyone of their sins, Russ felt Jade squeeze his hand a bit tighter. He looked over at Tommy, who was standing with his eyes closed while smiling. He watched Jade's hand release Kelly's, and then find its way down the small of Kelly's back and onto her a.s.s, where she gave a gentle squeeze.

The pastor asked G.o.d to watch over those who had gone missing in recent weeks, including a group that had disappeared the previous evening.

"I'm not sure what your plan is for these people, Lord, but I know it must be something amazing. With the exception of the guy who worked at Walmart, these people had valuable lives. Please offer comfort to us as we try to understand your plan. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Russ and Tommy slid down in their seats. Pastor Jim then launched into his sermon for the day: "Jesus Was a Capitalist." When church finally ended, Russ and the other deacons went to greet Pastor Jim, to congratulate him on another fine sermon.

"Just wait until you hear next week's sermon," the pastor boasted. "It's t.i.tled 'Science: The Tool of Lucifer.' It's a big part of my campaign to get creationism back in public schools. Should be amazing."

Once the deacons began to depart, Pastor Jim pulled Russ to the side. "Russ, I'm concerned for you," he counseled. "You've been running around with a known drug abuser, Dwayne Devero. And your actions at the fundraiser last night were jaw dropping."

"Sometimes, the sheep strays from the herd, Pastor," Russ said, placing his hand on the pastor's shoulder. "And sometimes the sheep has an orgy with the herd. h.e.l.l, sometimes the sheep takes ecstasy and snorts cocaine and then gratifies himself watching other sheep mount his wife. Sheep can get crazy, Pastor Jim. They can lose their f.u.c.king s.h.i.t. But as long as they have a good shepherd, they can usually take a shower with a crab-lice comb and be forgiven. Am I right?"

Pastor Jim mustered a half smile, unsure of what to say. Russ leaned in and slapped him on the b.u.t.t.

"Good stuff, Pastor. You're the man. How's that Porsche running? It's gorgeous."

"It's running great, Russ. The Germans have a proud history."

"Indeed they do, Pastor."

Monday morning, Dwayne rolled out of bed ready to swing at whatever pitch life threw him. The Tigers' first playoff game was that evening, and no one was more excited than Alex. The championship game would be two weeks away, and he knew he'd be in it. He was proud of his dad for bringing honor back to the game. Anyone who watched them knew that they were fast becoming the team to beat. They were no longer a joke.

Lately, Estelle appeared able to sense when Dwayne would wake up. Even if she'd been sleeping deeply, something would nudge her brain and pull her from her slumber. She was glad for it. She loved their playful nature in the mornings. Estelle rubbed her eyes and grinned at Dwayne from the bed as she lay there watching him turn the shower on and throw a towel over the shower door. He offered her a fully nude, goofy, "come-hither" raised eyebrow when he noticed her watching him. She instantly threw the covers off and sprinted in to join him.

With most couples, the quality of the s.e.x might have declined at this stage ... or they might have started to pa.s.s on it altogether. But for Estelle and Dwayne, s.e.x just kept getting better and better, the desire stronger and stronger.

After their morning shower session, Estelle headed to the kitchen to make breakfast for Alex while Dwayne got ready for work.

"Honey, turn on channel eight, please," she called from the kitchen.

Dwayne was just in time to catch a reporter interviewing Detective Loffland. He turned the volume up.

"So, Detective, do you have any leads in the case? That's seven missing people now from the upscale Westside area of Fort Worth, and one con firmed murder on top of that."

"Yes, we've got a few leads right now that we're working on. We need as much help from the public on this as possible, though. Late last night, we located an old burned van that could possibly fit the description of the van used in the kidnapping and murder of Ricky Dale. The charred remains of a body were found inside. Our team of forensic specialists are combing it for evidence as we speak."

"Do you have any suspects or persons of interest?"

"Not just yet, but we're pretty sure we're dealing with professionals here. We're looking into the backgrounds of all who went missing and looking for a common thread that ties it all together."

"Any luck so far? From what I understand, these are some very wealthy and powerful people that have gone missing."

"Not all of them were rich and powerful. One of them worked at Walmart."

Quack. Quack. Quack.

"Walmart? Jesus, that's awful."

"Indeed it is. As if life hadn't been cruel enough for the poor guy, he had to go and get abducted by sociopaths."

"That's inhumane. They could've at least taken someone from a Super Target. But Walmart? These people must be twisted. That's just uncalled for."

"Salt on the wound, without question."

Dwayne looked at his texts. It was just as he thought. Steve was freaking out.

STEVE:.

BRIEFCASE! BRIEFCASE!.

DAVE:.

I dont unnerstand wht that meens.

STEVE:.

Turn on your TV, n.u.m.b.n.u.t.s! They found your van!

DAVE:.

Waz their a breefcase in it?

RUSS:.

Dave, please go into the "settings" section of your phone, click on "texting," and then hit "spellcheck on." Please do this before I go slam my G.o.dd.a.m.n head in the door.

STEVE:.

I told you guys you'd gone too far!

DAVE:.

Wheres sittings?

RUSS:.

Settings! f.u.c.k!

DWAYNE:.

Calm down, Steve. We're fine.