Barks and Purrs Part 9

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (_dryly_)

Don't you believe it, they're only good to eat. They're noisy, stupid creatures, infatuated with themselves, _made_ to be eaten. ... You know the two jays?

TOBY-DOG

Not very well.

KIKI-THE-DEMURE They live in the little wood. When I walk by they laugh a sardonic "tiac, tiac," because I wear a bell at my neck. In vain do I hold my head very stiffly and put my paws down _very_ gently, my bell tinkles and the two creatures scream from the top of the fir-tree. Just let me get hold of them, one of these days!...

(_He lays back his ears and raises the hair along his back_.)

TOBY-DOG, (_pensive_) Positively, Cat, there are times when I don't know you. We are talking quietly and suddenly you bristle like a bottle-brush; or we happen to be playing amicably together and I bark behind your back--bow, wow-wow!--just for fun; then,--one doesn't know why, perhaps because my nose has grazed the long hairs on your legs you're so proud of--you become all at once a savage beast, spitting fire, and charging at me like a strange dog. Don't you think that shows a bad character?

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (_mysterious, eyes half-closed_)

Not at all. It's character, simply. A Cat's character. In such moments of irritability, I'm keenly alive to the humiliation of my present state, and that of my race.

I can remember a time when priests in long, linen tunics, bending low, spoke to us and humbly tried to comprehend our chanted utterance. Know, dog, that it is not _we_ who have changed! It may be, there are days when I'm more myself, when everything offends me, and justly; a brusque gesture, a vulgar laugh, the banging of a door, your odor, your inconceivable impudence when you touch me, or encircle me, jumping and yelping ...

TOBY-DOG, (_patiently, to himself_)

He's having one of his attacks.

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (_with a start_)

Did you hear?

TOBY-DOG

Yes, the kitchen door, and the door into the dining-room ... and now the drawer where the spoons are kept. At last! At last! aaah! (_He yawns_.) I can't stand this any longer. _Where_ is She? I don't hear the gravel creaking ... night's coming on!

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (_ironically_)

Go find her.

TOBY-DOG

And how about Him? He usually worries, and comes in asking, "Where is She?" But He's scratching still. He must have drunk up all the violet-colored water in the muddy little pot by this time. (TOBY _carefully stretches his legs_.) Ah! I feel lively ... and empty. We're going to eat soon! Just smell the good kitchen-smells that come under the door!... Let's play!

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

No.

TOBY-DOG

Run, I'll chase, without touching you.

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

No.

TOBY-DOG

Why not?

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

I don't want to.

TOBY-DOG

Oh! but you're tiresome! Watch me jump and arch my neck like a little horse and try to catch my stubby tail. Now I turn 'round and 'round--and--heavens! the whole room spins!--It's--st--opping--now.

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

Insufferable creature!

TOBY-DOG

Insufferable yourself! Look out, I'm going to run at you as She does, when She's merry, crying "Ha, cat!"

(KIKI-THE-DEMURE, _without rising, puts up a paw bristling with claws and spotted underneath with rose color and black; it looks like a th.o.r.n.y flower_.)

If you dare!...

TOBY-DOG, (_in a frenzy_) I do dare! Bow-wow-wow! Ha, cat! ha, cat!

(KIKI-THE-DEMURE, _exasperated, gives a spring and hangs on the table-cloth, slowly dragging it down. A lamp and various things fall to the ground. Terrified silence. The two animals, crouching under an arm-chair, await punishment_.)

HE _appears at the study door, holding a pen, like a bit, between his teeth_.

Thunder and blitzen! What is it now? This cursed menagerie has overturned everything! Where's your Mistress? What a place this is to be sure! Dinner never on time!... (etc., etc., etc....)

(_The two guilty ones, who well know the harmlessness of such outbursts, laugh quietly to themselves and lying flat as bed-room slippers, look at one another through the fringes of the chair. The garden gate opens_.

SHE _comes in carrying a basket, full of fragrant plums; her hands are sticky from their sugariness, her hair tumbled_. SHE _stands horrified, before the disaster_.)

SHE

Oh! They've been fighting again, have they? (_Without conviction_.) Dear _me,_ what nasty creatures! I'll give them away! I'll sell them!!--I'll _kill_ them!!! (_But the cat and dog, groveling in exaggerated humility, crawl up to her, and speak together_.)

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

Purr-rr-rr!...There you are!...It's very late ...Toby attacked me; it's he who's broken everything. I believe he went mad from hunger.... You smell good, of gra.s.s and the twilight. You sat down on some wild thyme.

Come!...Tell your Master to carry me on his shoulder--the meat will be overdone, I'm afraid. You'll carve the chicken very quickly, won't you, and you'll keep the browned skin for me? If you wish I'll stretch out my paw like a spoon, which knows how to take up the littlest morsels, and carry them to my mouth with that human gesture that makes you laugh so--you and He.... Come!

TOBY-DOG Hiii ... hiii ... there you are at last! I'm so unhappy when you're away. You banished me ... you didn't love me ... The lamp fell down all by itself ... Come! I'm awfully hungry, but I'll gladly go without dinner, if you'll promise to take me with you always wherever you go ... yes, even out in the twilight, though it makes me sad, I'll willingly follow you there ... my nose close, close to the hem of your dress....

SHE, (_disarmed and quite indifferent to the cataclysm_)