Barks and Purrs Part 16

To see ladies who shriek, and put gloved hands on my back--hands covered with dead skin?... ugh!

(_Feminine voices are heard--Hers among them--and the clear tinkling of a little bell; then the door opens and a very diminutive toy terrier enters, alone. She's black and tan, seems in love with herself, and comes forward with a mincing step_.)

THE LITTLE DOG, (_voice way up in her head_)

I'm the darling little dog, so pretty!

(TOBY _is struck dumb with admiration and astonishment_. KIKI, _indignant, has jumped on top of the piano and remains an unseen and hostile spectator_.)

THE LITTLE DOG, (_astonished at not hearing the chorus of admiration that everywhere greets her, is reciting_--)

I'm the darling little dog, so pretty! I weigh only one pound, eleven ounces, my collar is of gold, my ears of black satin, lined with shiny rubber, my nails are polished like the beaks of little birds. (_Catching sight of_ TOBY-DOG.) Oh!--someone--(_silence_). He's rather good-looking.

(_They ogle and strut_.)

TOBY-DOG

How tiny she is!

THE LITTLE DOG

Sir--don't come near me.

TOBY-DOG

Why not?

THE LITTLE DOG

I don't know. My mistress knows. She's not here. She stayed in the other room.

TOBY-DOG

How old are you?

THE LITTLE DOG Eleven months, (_reciting_) I'm eleven months old. At the dog show, my mother took first prize for beauty. I weigh only one pound eleven ounces and--

TOBY-DOG

You've said that already. What makes you so little?

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (_from the piano_)

She's ugly, and has an evil odor. Her paws are deformed, she can't stand still an instant, and this dog takes pains to make himself fascinating!

THE LITTLE DOG, (_very coquettish and talkative_) It's my lineage, of course. One can hold me in a m.u.f.f. You've seen my new collar? It's gold....

TOBY-DOG

And what's that hanging from it?

THE LITTLE DOG

My mother's medal, Sir. I always wear it. I come from the _Palais de Glace_, where I made quite a hit. Imagine! I wanted to bite a gentleman who was speaking to my mistress. _How_ they laughed!

(_She wriggles and chirps_.)

TOBY-DOG, (_aside_)

What an odd creature! Is she _really_ a dog? (_Sniffs_.) Yes ... smells of rice powder, but it's a dog just the same. (_Aloud_.) Sit down a moment, it makes me quite dizzy to see you moving about so.

THE LITTLE DOG

Certainly. (_She lies down, like a miniature greyhound, crossing her fore-paws to show the slimness of her toes_.) You were here all alone?

TOBY-DOG, (_looking toward the piano_)

Yes, no other dog. Why?

THE LITTLE DOG

There's a strange odor.

TOBY-DOG

The Cat, doubtless.

THE LITTLE DOG

The Cat? What's a Cat? I've never seen one. Do they leave you in the room all alone?

TOBY-DOG

It happens so now and then.

THE LITTLE DOG

And you don't bark? _I_ cry as soon as I'm left alone. I'm bored, afraid, feel sick, and chew up the cushions.

TOBY-DOG

And then you're whipped.

THE LITTLE DOG, (_insulted_)

I'm--what did you say? You're losing your senses, I imagine. (_Suddenly amiable again_.) That would be a pity. You have lovely eyes.

TOBY-DOG