Bardell V. Pickwick Part 8

How well described, too, and satirised, is yet another "common form" of the cross examiner, to wit the "How often, Sir?" question. Winkle, when asked as to his knowledge of Mrs. Bardell, replied that "he did not know her, but that he had seen her." (I recall making this very answer to Boz when we were both driving through Sackville Street, Dublin. He had asked "Did I know so-and-so?" when I promptly replied, "I don't know him, but I have seen him." This rather arrided him, as Elia would say.)

Skimpin went on:

'Oh, you don't know her, but you have seen her.'

'Now have the goodness to tell the gentlemen of the jury what you mean by _that_, Mr. Winkle.'

'I mean that I am not intimate with her, but that I have seen her when I went to call on Mr. Pickwick, in Goswell Street.'

'How often have you seen her, Sir?'

'How often?'

'_Yes_, _Mr. Winkle_, _how often_? I'll repeat the question for you a dozen times, if you require it, Sir.' And the learned gentlemen, with a firm and steady frown, placed his hands on his hips, and smiled suspiciously to the jury.

_On this question there arose the edifying brow-beating_, _customary on such points_. First of all, Mr. Winkle said it was quite impossible for him to say how many times he had seen Mrs. Bardell.

Then he was asked if he had seen her twenty times, to which he replied, 'Certainly,--more than that.' And then he was asked whether he hadn't seen her a hundred times--whether he couldn't swear that he had seen her more than fifty times--whether he didn't know that he had seen her at least seventy-five times, and so forth; the satisfactory conclusion which was arrived at, at last, being--that he had better take care of himself, and mind what he was about. The witness having been, by these means, reduced to the requisite ebb of nervous perplexity, the examination was concluded.

How excellent is this. Who has not heard the process repeated over and over again from the young fledgeling Counsel to the old "hardbitten" and experienced K.C.?

A young legal tyro might find profit as well as entertainment in carefully studying others of Mr. Skimpin's adroit methods in cross examination. They are in a manner typical of those in favour with the more experienced members of the profession, allowing, of course, for a little humorous exaggeration. He will note also that Boz shows clearly how effective was the result of the processes. Here are a few useful recipes.

_How to make a witness appear as though he wished to withhold the truth_._ How to highly discredit a witness by an opening question_._ How to insinuate inaccuracy_._ How to suggest that the witness is evading_._ How to deal with a statement of a particular number of instances_._ How to take advantage of a witness' glances_._ How to suggest another imputed meaning to a witness' statement and confuse him into accepting it_.

Another happy and familiar form is Skimpin's interrogation of Winkle as to his "friends"--

'Are they here?'

'Yes they are,' said Mr. Winkle, _looking very earnestly towards the spot where his friends were stationed_.

As every one attending courts knows, this is an almost intuitive movement in a witness; he thinks it corroborates him somehow.

But how good Skimpin and how ready--

"'Pray attend to me, Mr. Winkle, and _never mind your friends_,' with another expressive look at the jury; '_they must tell their stories without any previous consultation with you_, if none has yet taken place,' another expressive look. 'Now Sir, tell what you saw,' etc.

'_Come_, _out with it_, _sir_, _we must_ have it sooner or later.'" The a.s.sumption here that the witness would keep back what he knew is adroit and very convincing.

A REVELATION.

But now we come to a very critical pa.s.sage in Mr. Pickwick's case: one that really destroyed any chance that he had. It really settled the matter with the jury; and the worst was, the point was brought out through the inefficiency of his own counsel.

But let us hear the episode, and see how the foolish Phunky muddled it.

Mr. Phunky rose for the purpose of getting something important out of Mr. Winkle in cross-examination. Whether he did get anything important out of him, will immediately appear.

[Picture: Mr. Phunky]

'I believe, Mr. Winkle,' said Mr. Phunky, 'that Mr. Pickwick is not a young man?'

'Oh no,' replied Mr. Winkle, 'old enough to be my father.'

'You have told my learned friend that you have known Mr. Pickwick a long time. Had you ever any reason to suppose or believe that he was about to be married?'

'Oh no; certainly not;' replied Mr. Winkle with so much eagerness, that Mr. Phunky ought to have got him out of the box with all possible dispatch. Lawyers hold out that there are two kinds of particularly bad witnesses, a reluctant witness, and a too willing witness; it was Mr. Winkle's fate to figure in both characters.

'I will even go further than this, Mr. Winkle,' continued Mr. Phunky, in a most smooth and complacent manner. 'Did you ever see any thing in Mr. Pickwick's manner and conduct towards the opposite s.e.x to induce you to believe that he ever contemplated matrimony of late years, in any case?'

'Oh no; certainly not,' replied Mr. Winkle.

'Has his behaviour, when females have been in the case, always been that of a man, who having attained a pretty advanced period of life, content with his own occupations and amus.e.m.e.nts, treats them only as a father might his daughters?'

'Not the least doubt of it,' replied Mr. Winkle, in the fulness of his heart. 'That is--yes--oh yes--certainly.'

'You have never known anything in his behaviour towards Mrs. Bardell, or any other female, in the least degree suspicious?' said Mr.

Phunky, preparing to sit down, for Serjeant Snubbin was winking at him.

'N--n--no,' replied Mr. Winkle, 'except on one trifling occasion, which, I have no doubt, might be easily explained.'

Now, if the unfortunate Mr. Phunky had sat down when Serjeant Snubbin winked at him, or if Serjeant Buzfuz had stopped this irregular cross-examination at the outset (which he knew better than to do, for observing Mr. Winkle's anxiety, and well knowing it would in all probability, lead to something serviceable to him), this unfortunate admission would not have been elicited. The moment the words fell from Mr. Winkle's lips, Mr. Phunky sat down, and Serjeant Snubbin rather hastily told him he might leave the box, which Mr. Winkle prepared to do with great readiness, when Serjeant Buzfuz stopped him.

'Stay, Mr. Winkle--stay,' said Serjeant Buzfuz, 'will your lordship have the goodness to ask him, what this one instance of suspicious behaviour towards females on the part of this gentlemen, who is old enough to be his father, was?'

'You hear what the learned counsel says, Sir,' observed the Judge, turning to the miserable and agonized Mr. Winkle. 'Describe the occasion to which you refer.'

'My lord,' said Mr. Winkle, trembling with anxiety, 'I--I'd rather not.'

And Winkle had to relate the whole Ipswich adventure of the doublebedded room and the spinster lady.

It is surprising that Dodson and Fogg did not ferret out all about Mr.

Pickwick's adventure at the Great White Horse. Peter Magnus lived in town and must have heard of the coming case; these things _do_ somehow leak out, and he would have gladly volunteered the story, were it only to spite the man. But further, Dodson and Fogg must have made all sorts of enquiries into Mr. Pickwick's doings. Mrs. Bardell herself might have heard something. The story was certainly in the Ipswich papers, for there was the riot in the street, the appearance before the mayor, the exposure of "Captain FitzMarshall"--a notable business altogether. What a revelation in open court! Conceive Miss Witherfield called to depose to Mr. Pickwick's midnight invasion. Mr. Pickwick himself might have been called and put on the rack, this incident not concerning his breach of promise. And supposing that the ubiquitous Jingle had heard of this business and had gone to the solicitor's office to volunteer evidence, and most useful evidence it would have been--to wit that Mr. Pickwick had been caught in the garden of a young ladies' school and had alarmed the house by his attempts to gain admission in the small hours! Jingle of course, could not be permitted to testify to this, but he could put the firm on the track. Mr. Pickwick's reputation could hardly have survived these two revelations, and sweeping damages to the full amount would have been the certain result.

This extraordinary adventure of Mr. Pickwick's at the Great White Horse Inn, Ipswich, verifies Dodson's casual remark to him, that "he was either a very designing or a most unfortunate man," circ.u.mstances being so strong against him. As the story was brought out, in open court, owing to the joint indiscretion of Phunky and Winkle, it will be best, in justice to Mr. Pickwick, to give practically his account of the affair.

'n.o.body sleeps in the other bed, of course,' said Mr. Pickwick.

'Oh no, sir.'

'Very good. Tell my servant to bring me up some hot water at half-past eight in the morning, and that I shall not want him any more to-night.'

'Yes, sir.'

And bidding Mr. Pickwick good-night, the chambermaid retired, and left him alone.

Mr. Pickwick sat himself down in a chair before the fire, and fell into a train of rambling meditations. First he thought of his friends, and wondered when they would join him; _then his mind reverted to Mrs. Martha Bardell_; and from that lady it wandered, by a natural process, to the dingy counting-house of Dodson and Fogg.