Aunt Judy's Tales Part 8

"Then don't try on any account, dear No. 6," exclaimed Aunt Judy. "I like make-believe Cook Stories much better than real ones."

"So do I!" cried No. 7, "they're so much the more entertaining."

"And not a bit less useful," subjoined Aunt Judy, with a sly smile.

"Well, I didn't see much good in the real ones," pursued No. 7, in a sort of muse.

"Let us tell you another make-believe one, then," cried No. 6, who saw that Aunt Judy was moving off, and wanted to detain her.

"Then it's MY turn!" shouted No. 8, jumping up, and stretching out his arm and hand like a young orator flushed to his work. And actually, before the rest of the little ones could put him down or stop him, No. 8 contrived to tumble out the Cook Story idea, which had probably been brewing in his head all the time of Aunt Judy's talk.

It was very brief, and this was it, delivered in much haste, and with all the earnestness of a maiden speech.

"_I_ had a b.u.t.ton boy too, and he was a--what d'ye call it--oh, a RASCAL, that was it;--he was a rascal, and liked the currants in mince-pies, so he took them all out, and ate them up, and put in gla.s.s beads instead. So when the people began to ear, their teeth crunched against the beads! Ah! bah! how nasty it was!"

No. 8 accompanied this remark with a corresponding grimace of disgust, and then observed in conclusion:-

"Perhaps he found it in a book, but I don't know where," after which he lowered his outstretched arm, smiled, and sat down.

The company clapped applause, and No. 4 especially must have been very fond of laughing, for the gla.s.s-bead anecdote set her off again as heartily as ever, and the rest followed in her wake, and while so doing, never noticed that Aunt Judy had slipped away.

They soon discovered it, however, when their mirth began to subside; but before they had time to wonder much, there appeared from behind the door of the wardrobe a figure, which in their secret souls they knew to be Aunt Judy herself, although it looked a great deal stouter, and had a thick-filled cap on its head, a white linen ap.r.o.n over its gown, and a pair of spectacles on its nose. At sight of it they showed signs of clapping again, but stopped short when it spoke to them as a stranger, and willingly received it as such.

Ah! it is one of the sweet features of childhood that it yields itself up so readily to any little surprise or delusion that is prepared for its amus.e.m.e.nt. No nasty pride, no disinclination to be carried away, no affected indifference, interfere with young children's enjoyment of what is offered them. They will even help themselves into the pleasant visions by an effort of will; and perhaps, now and then, end by partly believing what they at first received voluntarily as an agreeable make-believe.

If, therefore, after the cook figure of Aunt Judy had seated itself by the doll's table, and the little ones had looked and grinned at it for some time, hazy sensations began to steal over one or two minds, that this WAS somehow really a cook, it was all in the natural course of things, and n.o.body resisted the feeling.

Aunt Judy's altered voice, and odd, a.s.sumed manner, contributed, no doubt, a good deal to the impression.

"Dear, dear! what pretty little darlings you all are!" she began, looking at them one after another. "As sweet as sugar-plums, when you have your own way, and are pleased. Eh, dears? But you don't think you can take old Cooky in, do you? No, no, I know what ladies and gentlemen, and ladies' and gentlemen's YOUNG ladies and YOUNG gentlemen are, pretty well, dears, I can tell you! Don't I know all about the shiny hair and smiling faces of the little pets in the parlour, and how they leave parlour-manners behind them sometimes, when they run to the kitchen to Cook, and order her here and there, and want half-a-dozen things at once, and must and will have what they want, and are for popping their fingers into every pie!

"Well, well," she proceeded, "the parlour's the parlour, and the kitchen's the kitchen, and I'm only a cook. But then I conduct myself AS Cook, even when I'm in the scullery, and I only wish ladies, and ladies' YOUNG ladies too, would conduct themselves as ladies, even when they come into the kitchen; that's what I call being honourable and upright. Well, dears, I'll tell you how I came to know all about it. You see, I lived once in a family where there were no less than eight of those precious little pets, and a precious time I had of it with them. But, to be sure, now it's past and gone- -I can make plenty of excuses for them, poor things! They were so coaxed and flattered, and made so much of, what could be expected from them but tiresome, wilful ways, without any sense?

"'If your mamma would but put YOU into the scullery, young miss, to learn to wash plates and scour the pans out, she'd make a woman of you,' used I to think to myself when a silly child, who thought itself very clever to hinder other people's work, would come hanging about in the kitchen, doing nothing but teaze and find fault, for that's what a girl can always do.

"It was very aggravating, you may be sure, dears, (you see I can talk to you quite reasonably, because you're so nicely behaved;)--it was very aggravating, of course; but I used to make allowances for them.

Says I to myself, 'Cook, you've had the blessing of being brought up to hard work ever since you were a babby. You've had to earn your daily bread. n.o.body knows how that brings people to their senses till they've tried; so don't you go and be c.o.c.ky, because ladies and gentlemen, and ladies' and gentlemen's YOUNG ladies and YOUNG gentlemen, are not quite so sensible as you are. Who knows but what, if you'd been born to do nothing, you might have been no wiser than them! It's lucky for you you're only a cook; but don't you go and be c.o.c.ky, that's all! Make allowances; it's the secret of life!'

"So you see, dears, I DID make allowances; and after the eight little pets was safe in bed till next morning, I used to feel quite composed, and pitiful-like towards them, poor little dears! But certainly, when morning came, and the oldest young master was home for the holidays, it was a trying time for me, and I couldn't think of the allowances any longer. Either he wouldn't get up and come down till everyone else had had their breakfast, and so he wanted fresh water boiled, and fresh tea made, and another m.u.f.fin toasted, and more bacon fried; or else he was up so outrageous early, that he was scolding because there was no hot water before the fire was lit-- bless you, he hadn't a bit of sense in his head, poor boy, not a bit!

And how should he? Why, he went to school as soon as he was out of petticoats, and was set to all that Latin and Greek stuff that never puts anything useful into folks' heads, but so much more chatter and talk; so he came back as silly as he went, poor thing! Dear me, on a wet day, after lesson-time, those boys were like so many crazy creatures. 'Cook, I must make a pie,' says one. 'There's a pie in the oven already, Master James,' says I. 'I don't care about the pie in the oven,' says he, 'I want a pie of my own. Bring me the flour, and the water, and the b.u.t.ter, and all the things--and, above all, the rolling-pin--and clear the decks, will you, I say, for my pie.

Here goes!' And here used to go, my dears, for Master James had no sense, as I told you; and so he'd shove all my pots and dishes away, one on the top of the other; and let me be as busy as I would, and dinner ever so near ready, the dresser must be cleared, and everything must give way to HIS pie! His pie, indeed--I wish I had had the management of his pie just then! I'd have taught him what it was to come shaking the rolling-pin at the head of a respectable cook, who wanted to get her business done properly, as in duty bound!

"But he wasn't the only one. There was little Whipper-snapper, his younger brother, squeaking out in another corner, 'I shan't make a pie, James, I shall make toffey; it's far better fun. You'd better come and help me. Where's the treacle pot, Cook? Cook! I say, Cook! where's the treacle-pot? And look at this stupid kettle and pan. What's in the pan, I wonder? Oh, kidney-beans! Who cares for kidney-beans? How can I make toffey, when all these things are on the fire? Stay, I'll hand them all off!'

"And, sure enough, if I hadn't rushed from Master James, who was drinking away at my custard out of the bowl, to seize on Whipper- snapper, who had got his hand on the vegetable-pan already, he would have pulled it and the kettle, and the whole concern, off the fire, and perhaps scalded himself to death.

"Then, of course, there comes a scuffle, and Master Whipper-snapper begins to roar, and out comes Missus, who, poor thing, had no more sense in her head than her sons, though she'd never been to school to lose it over Latin and Greek; and, says she, with all her ribbons streaming, and her petticoats swelled out like a window-curtain in a draught--says she:-

"'Cook! I desire that you will not touch my children!'

"'As you please, ma'am,' says I, 'if you'll be so good as to stop the young gentlemen from touching my pans, and--' I was going to say 'custard,' but Master James shouts out quite quick:-

"'Why, I only wanted to make a pie, mamma.'

"'And I only wanted to make some toffey!' cries Whipper-snapper; and then mamma answers, like a d.u.c.h.ess at court:-

"'There can't possibly be any objection, my dears; and I wish, Cook, you would he a little more good-natured to the children;--your temper is sadly against you!'

"And out she sails, ribbons and window-curtains and all; and, says I to myself, as I cooled down, (for the young gentlemen luckily went away with their dear mama,)--says I to myself, 'It's a very fine thing, no doubt, to go about in ribbons, and petticoats, and grand clothes; but, if one must needs carry such a poor, silly head inside them, as Missus does, I'd rather stop as I am, and be a cook with some sense about me.'

"I don't say, my dears," continued the supposed cook, "that I spoke very politely just then; but who could feel polite, when their dinner had been put back at least half-an-hour over such nonsense as that?

Missus used to say the 'dear boys' came to the kitchen on a wet day, because they'd got NOTHING ELSE TO DO! Nothing else to do! and had learnt Latin and Greek, and all sorts of schooling besides! So much for education, thought I. Why, it would spoil the best lads that ever were born into the world. For, of course, you know if these young gentlemen had been put to decent trades, they'd have found something else to do with their fingers besides mischief and waste.

And, dear me, I talk about not having been polite to Missus just then, but now you tell me, dears, what Missus, with all her education, would have said if she'd been in my place, when one young gentleman was drinking her custard, and another young gentleman was pulling her pans on the floor! Do you think she'd have been a bit more polite than I was? Wouldn't she have called me all the stupid creatures that ever were born, and told the story over and over to all her friends and acquaintance to make them stare, and say there were surely no such simpletons in the world as ladies and gentlemen, and ladies' and gentlemen's young ladies and young gentlemen?

"However, I did not go as far as that, because, you see, I had some sense about me, and could make allowances for all the nonsense the poor things are brought up to."

There was no resisting the twinkle in Aunt Judy's eye when she came to this point, though it shone through an old pair of Nurse's spectacles; and the little ones clapped their hands, and declared it was every bit as good as a Cook story, ONLY A GREAT DEAL BETTER!

That twinkle had quite brought Aunt Judy back to them again, in spite of her cook's attire, and No. 6 cried out:-

"Oh! don't stop, Aunt Judy! Do go on, Cooky dear! do tell some more!

Did you always live in that place, please?"

"There now!" exclaimed Aunt Judy, throwing herself back in the chair, "isn't that a regular young lady's question, out and out? Who but a young lady, with no more sense in her head than a pin, would have thought of asking such a thing? Why, miss, is there a joint in the world that can bear basting for ever? No, no! a time comes when it must be taken down, if any good's to be left in it; and so at the end of three years my basting-time was over, and the time for taking down was come.

"'Cook,' says I to myself, 'you must give in. If you go on with those cherubs (that was their company name, you know) much longer, there won't be a bit of you left!' And, sure enough, that very morning, dears, they'd come down upon me with a fresh grievance, and I couldn't stand it, I really couldn't! The sweeps had been by four o'clock to the kitchen chimney, and I'd been up and toiling every minute since, and hadn't had time to eat my breakfast, when in they burst--the young ladies, not the sweeps, dears, I mean:- and there they broke out at once--I hadn't fed their sea-gulls before breakfast--(a couple of dull-looking grey birds, with big mouths, that had come in a hamper over night as a present to the cherubs;) and it seems I ought to have been up before daylight almost, to look for slugs for them in the garden till they'd got used to the place!

"Oh, these ladies and gentlemen! they'd need know something of some sort to make amends, for there are many things they never know all their life long!

"'Young ladies,' says I, 'I didn't come here to get meals ready for sea-gulls, but Christian ladies and gentlemen. If the sea-gulls want a cook, your mamma must hire them one on purpose. I've plenty to do for her and the family, without looking after such nonsense as that!'

"'That's what you always say,' whimpers the youngest Miss; 'and you know they don't want any cooking, but only raw slugs! And you know you might easily look for them, because you've got almost nothing to do, because it's such an easy place, mamma always says. But you're always cross, mamma says that too, and everybody knows you are, because she tells everybody!'

"When little Miss had got that out, she thought she'd finished me up; and so she had, for when I heard that Missus was so ungenteel as to go talking of what I did, to all her acquaintance, and had nothing better to talk about, I made up my mind that I'd give notice that very day.

"'Very well, miss,' says I, 'your mamma shall soon have something fresh to talk about, and I hope she'll find it a pleasant change.'

"There was some of them knew what I meant at once, for after they'd scampered off I heard shouts up and down the stairs from one to the other, 'Cook's going!' 'We shall have a new cook soon!' 'What a lark we'll have with the toffey and the pies! We'll make her do just as we choose!'

"'There, now,' thought I to myself, 'there'll be somebody else put down to baste before long. Well, I'm glad my time's over.' And thereupon I fell to wishing I was back again in father and mother's ricketty old cottage, that I'd once been so proud to leave, to go and live with gentlefolks. But, you see, it was no use wishing, for I'd my bread to earn, and must turn out somewhere, let it be as disagreeable as it would. Father and mother were dead, and there was no ricketty cottage for me to go back to, so I wiped my eyes, and told myself to make the best of what had to be.

"Well, dears," pursued Cooky, after a short pause, during which the little ones looked far more inclined to cry than laugh, "Missus was quite taken aback when she heard I wouldn't stay any longer.

"'Cook,' she said, 'I'm perfectly astonished at your want of sense in not recognizing the value of such a situation as mine! and as to your complaints about the children, anything more ridiculously unreasonable I never heard! Such superior, well-taught young people, you are not very likely to meet with again in a hurry!'

"'Perhaps not, ma'am,' says I, 'in French, and crochet, and the piano, and Latin, and things I don't understand, being only a cook.

But I know what behaviour is, and that's what I'm sure the young ladies and gentlemen have never been taught; or if they have, they're so slow at taking it in, that I think I shall do better with a family where the behaviour-lessons come first!'

"Missus was very angry, and so was I; but at last she said:-