Assassins: Slow Agony Part 30

"Maybe not well enough." I could hear him breathing. We were so close. "I've really screwed things up, haven't I?"

"No," I said. "You're wonderful."

"Only you would say that. I'm not."

I twisted in his arms to face him. "Where is this coming from?"

He cupped my cheek with one hand. "I think I'm realizing how much of an idiot I've been. I'm not a good man. I abandoned you. I've done it more than once. That time in Boston, it was only chance that brought us back together again. If I'd never gone to that club, you might never have seen me again."

I chewed on my lip. I'd thought this before. "But I did see you."

"But when I left this winter, you must have thought about that. You must have thought that there was no guarantee that I'd ever come back."

I nodded. I didn't trust myself to speak. Thinking about that time was too hard for me to do without wanting to cry. I'd felt so hopeless.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I can't believe I did that to you."

"You thought I'd been unfaithful to you."

"I shouldn't have thought that," he said.

"But my past," I said. "You knew my past. You knew what I used to be like, and of course you-"

"That was the past, though," he said. "I should have known that you'd changed."

"But you abandoned me in the past," I said. "I could have believed in you. I didn't."

He touched my hair, fingering the edge of it. "We gave up on each other."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"You know, when we were apart," he said, "I stopped believing in love. I thought back on our relationship, how things seemed to start so well, and then get completely destroyed. And I decided that falling in love was just slow agony. At first you were so attached to someone, and then, as time went on, it disintegrated. But now... now, I'm thinking we gave up too soon."

"Yeah," I said.

"Maybe it was only me," he said. "Maybe I gave up too soon." He kissed me. "I'm sorry, doll. I'm so sorry."

"Griffin, it's not all your fault."

He closed his eyes.

"And it doesn't matter," I said. "We're together now. That's what's important."

He tightened his arms around me. "I have to leave you again."

I pulled away. "What are you talking about?"

"Marcel," he said. "He's going to keep at this until I give in. He wants me to come to him willingly. I think I will."

"No," I said. "You can't go to him."

"You said we couldn't wait around for him when we were in the bas.e.m.e.nt. You said I had to do something. This is what I have to do."

"Not this," I said. "Who knows what he could do to you. He might kill you."

"If it means that everyone I love is safe, then that's a risk I'll take."

I got up off the couch. "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. I won't let you... sacrifice yourself."

"I have to, doll. If not, he could kill my mother, my sister, you, our baby. I have too many people that I have to protect. And if it all stops when I go to him, then I will."

"Let's call Silas and ask him if he thinks this is a good idea," I said. "Because I bet he won't."

"Keep your voice down, doll. You'll wake up Christa."

I got my phone out of my pocket and stalked into the hallway.

"Doll, wait." Griffin was coming after me.

I was already dialing. "I'm not letting you go to Marcel, Griffin. Just forget it."

He sighed.

The phone was ringing.

"Leigh, don't call them," he said.

"Too late," I said.

"h.e.l.lo," said Silas.

"Silas, it's Leigh. Griffin wants to turn himself over to Marcel, and I can't talk him out of it."

"Whoa," said Silas. "Marcel is in Texas? With you guys?"

"Yeah," I said. "Griffin's mother got shot yesterday."

"Really?" said Silas. "That's bad. Is Griffin there? Can I talk to him?"

"Sure," I said. I handed the phone over to Griffin, who was glowering at me. "Talk to Silas," I told him. "Maybe he can pound some sense into you."

Griffin took the phone. "Hi, Silas." He listened, pacing outside the waiting room. "I didn't want to involve you guys anymore... If anything happened, I'd never forgive myself..." He sighed heavily. "We're in San Antonio.... Really? That quickly, huh?... But I don't want you to come.... Yes, I think I can handle him myself.... You really don't understand."

"Tell him to convince you to keep yourself safe," I said.

Griffin sighed again. "Yes, all right, you're making sense.... I promise I won't do anything until you guys get here.... I swear...." He rolled his eyes. "Yes, okay, I swear on the life of my mother, you d.i.c.k." He hung up the phone and slapped it back in my hand.

"Well?" I said.

"Well," he said, "Silas says we should try a tactical approach, with him and Sloane covering me if I try to give myself up to Marcel. You heard me promise I'd wait for them, didn't you?"

I took a deep breath, relaxing. "So, you're not going to do anything crazy?"

"I'll wait for Silas and Sloane."

I threw my arms around him. "Good. If I lost you, I think I'd lose my mind. I can't let you go, and I can't let anything happen to you. You understand me?"

He nodded.

"When will Sloane and Silas get here?" I said.

"Probably late night tomorrow. He said they're going to drive straight through." He rubbed the top of his head. "We should get some rest, doll. We've got busy times ahead of us."

We curled up together on one of the couches. This time, with Griffin's arms around me, I realized I was exhausted, and I fell asleep almost immediately.

My dreams were filled with strange men chasing me. I was hugely pregnant and trying to run, but I was too large, and I couldn't go very fast, so they were gaining on me.

When Griffin moved out from beneath me, I almost woke up, mumbling my annoyance at the absence of his warmth.

But he whispered something soothing to me, and I shifted, getting comfortable without him.

For several minutes, I thought I'd be able to go back to sleep, but I then I realized that I really had to go to the bathroom. I tried rolling onto my back, hoping that would relieve the pressure enough that it wouldn't bother me.

It was no use.

I sat up on the couch. Griffin wasn't in the waiting room anymore. I wondered if he'd gone to see his mother again.

I'd worry about it when I got back from the bathroom.

I made my way down there and relieved myself. Then I came back to the waiting room. Still no Griffin, but I noticed that there was a folded piece of paper lying on the table next to the couch where I'd been sleeping.

I went over and picked it up. It had my name scrawled on it in Griffin's handwriting.

What was going on here? Griffin had left me a note?

I sat back on the couch and unfolded it.

"Doll," it read, "I know that you won't understand this, but I have to go to Marcel on my own. It's the only way I can end this. I have to come to him alone. If either Sloane or Silas were with me, he wouldn't accept my surrender. I knew there was no way that I could convince you of this, so I've gone without your agreement. I'm sorry. If there's a way that I can come back to you, I will." He'd signed it with his characteristic scrawl. I could only make out a 'G' clearly.

I let the letter flutter the ground, my hands going to my mouth.

That idiot.

What was he thinking?

I was on my feet in a second. He'd left me only minutes before. Maybe I could find him and stop him before he got to Marcel. How far could he have made it by now, anyway?

Finding my jacket, I left the waiting room and hurried down the hall to the elevators.

One was in use, but the other was open, so I got inside and punched the b.u.t.ton for the bottom floor.

The doors closed. The elevator lurched to life. I twisted my hands together, willing it to go faster.

I didn't even know if he'd go to the bottom floor, anyway. For all I knew, he'd go all the way down to the furthest underground level of the parking lot. I really had no way of knowing.

But when the door opened on the bottom floor, I saw him.

He was heading out of the front door, one of those spiral doors that travels in a big circle.

I leapt out the elevator, going after him. "Griffin!"

He didn't turn around. Maybe he hadn't heard me.

I picked up my pace, careening through the hospital lobby as fast as I could, dodging the people who were milling about.

I pushed my way through the front door.

Griffin was standing on the sidewalk, ahead of me.

"Griffin," I yelled.

No response. I was a little out of breath, but I sprinted the rest of the way to him, placing my hand on his shoulder. "Griffin."

He turned.

I stepped back. He wasn't Griffin. He was wearing the same clothes Griffin had been wearing, and he had a shaved head, just like Griffin's. But he was a different person. "I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."

"No problem," said the man, smiling amiably.

A white van pulled up in front of him. The side door swung open. Two men jumped out. "That her?" said one of them to the Griffin lookalike.

The Griffin lookalike nodded. "That's her."

Wait. Why did they know who I was? Was the man dressed like Griffin on purpose?

I hesitated for a second, looking back at the hospital.

It was a second too long.

One of the men grabbed me by the arm.

"Let go," I said. "I'll scream."

He laughed.

I struggled, letting out the highest pitched, most bloodcurdling scream I could manage.

Another man from the van had gotten a wheelchair out of it. He opened it up. "Transferring an unruly patient, folks," he said, waving to the people who'd stopped at the sound my scream.