As If You Never Left Me Part 1

AS IF YOU NEVER LEFT ME.

ELIZABETH JEWELL.

Chapter One.

It had been a good day, and Joely Birch felt about as high as the clouds she could see out her office window. Laughing to herself, she pressed her nose against the gla.s.s. The pine-filled valley swooped away, deep down below. She imagined herself suspended above the trees in a hang glider, or perhaps powered by her own wings. She laughed, dizzy with the height and her own happiness, then leaned back and rubbed at the mark her nose had made on the gla.s.s.

Joely turned to the computer again, where the graph for her quarterly profit estimate sheet was still displayed. Black numbers all over the place. Compared to last October, business was booming, and last October hadn't been that bad. With the holidays approaching, things could only get better.

She folded her hands under her chin and gazed contentedly at the graph. When she'd left the sprawl of New York City fourteen months ago and settled here, in the sprawling mountains of Colorado, she'd told herself she was doing the right thing. Up until now, she wasn't sure she'd believed it.

From the little gallery's front room, Joely heard whistling. Perry hadn't heard the good news yet, but Joely was sure her one-and-only employee's mood would just get better when she did. The bell on the front door tinkled, indicating a customer had come in, and Perry's whistling stopped. The cheerful sound of her voice rose in its place.

Joely looked back out the window. A lone aspen stood gold against the dark green of the pines. Most of the aspens had dropped their leaves by now and stood reaching empty silver branches to the blue sky. Joely had never seen skies as blue as these, here above the smog, sometimes above the clouds. Today, there were only a few puffy white ones, floating high. It was truly a gorgeous day. Maybe she'd go for a walk later- "Joely?"

Joely jumped, only then realizing how far she'd let herself drift. Sheepish, she looked up to see Perry grinning at her around the half-open office door.

"Boy, you're in la-la land." She stepped into the room. "I haven't seen you that lost in s.p.a.ce since the early, 'Are we ever going to sell anything,' days."

Joely laughed. "I have a right to be. Look at this." She moved a little aside as Perry came over to peer at the computer.

"Hot d.a.m.n!" said Perry as the significance of the graph soaked in.

"That's right. Maybe there'll be a Christmas bonus this year." Joely had no qualms about letting Perry see the spreadsheets-the two of them had spent too many hours alone in this place to have any secrets from each other.

"That wouldn't suck." Perry grinned, then she, too, jerked herself back to the present. "Oh, there's a guy out front who wants to ask you about one of the new pieces."

"Which pieces?"

"Your pieces. The wolf ones you brought in this morning. You didn't give me the rundown."

"Oh, right." Joely had just finished the wolf-themed pots last night, and hadn't had time to make up display cards. "I'll take care of it." She stood, straightening her sweater. "Does he sound interested?" "Maybe. I told him your more complicated pieces run around two hundred, and he didn't blink. And he's wearing a really nice suit."

Joely paused at the door. "A suit? n.o.body up here wears a suit."

"Well, if I had to guess, I'd say he's from out of town. Fine Flatlander Man, we'll call him."

"Fine, huh?" Joely grinned. "Then I guess I'd better hurry."

She stepped out of the office into the s.p.a.ce behind the gallery's main display case. The case was full of jewelry, consignment work from local artisans. She sold other items on consignment as well-paintings and sculptures and an exquisite selection of handmade dreamcatchers. But the centerpiece of her business was the pottery filling the shelves across the room. All that was her own work.

The man perusing her new wolf-themed pieces, his back toward her, was indeed wearing a nice suit. Armani, she decided, at the same time realizing she hadn't had the occasion to identify a suit since she'd left New York. In this area, even the well-heeled tended toward jeans.

In any case, the suit hung nicely across his shoulders. Wide shoulders set atop a tall, lean body. He had brown hair, cut neatly. From the back he looked like-Joely gave a reflexive shudder.

"Good morning," she said brightly. "Perry says you're interested in the new pieces?"

He turned around. For a moment, Joely just stared at him, unable to believe what she was seeing. Her heart took a giant leap in her chest and her adrenaline soared, not sure whether her system should fight or flee, or do something else entirely.

His gray-blue eyes regarded her placidly, a smile tugging the corners of his full and inarguably lovely mouth. "h.e.l.lo, Joely."

Too aware of Perry's lingering presence behind the counter, Joely cleared her throat.

"What are you doing here?"

"Looking at your pottery, apparently."

The familiar voice sent tingles up and down her spine. Made her hot and wet, thoroughly against her will. She hadn't heard it in a very long time, not even over a phone line. Those primal reactions should have died out a long time ago, but apparently they hadn't. Fighting an urge to walk toward him, maybe to touch him-h.e.l.l, to step right up to him and rip his shirt off, have her way with him right in the middle of the sedate little boutique-she set her mouth in a cold line.

"Are you going to buy it?"

He turned his attention to the sleek, graceful urn, eyeing the howling timber wolf etched on its long curves.

"It's beautiful."

Joely watched his long, clever fingers as they turned the pottery in his hands. She remembered the magic those hands could perform-when he'd bothered to use them.

"Put it down. You're going to break it."

He set it gently on the shelf, the vague smile becoming wider, and soft. "You've really developed your technique. I remember when you still had trouble keeping the clay on the wheel."

"Do you want something, Rey?"

He hesitated, then slowly drew folded papers from inside his jacket. "I want to give you these."

Joely's heart skipped, her mouth going dry. The divorce papers. She'd drawn them up herself two years ago, using software she'd gotten off the Internet, and she'd given them to Rey right before she'd left him.

That was the last she'd heard of them. He held them out to her and she stared at them, afraid to touch them. Even more afraid to touch him, for fear even the accidental brush of his fingers against hers would set off a chain reaction she wouldn't be able to control.

"I finally realized you never filed these, or, as far as I could tell, ever even ran them by a lawyer. Given the circ.u.mstances, I thought I should deliver them in person." She forced herself to reach out, forced her hands not to shake. Careful not to touch him, she took the papers, opened them. Her heart started beating again. She breathed.

"You haven't signed them."

"No. I didn't file them, either, or take them to my lawyer."

"Why not?"

"I guess the same reason you didn't. I didn't want to."

Suddenly exasperated again instead of relieved, she shoved the papers back at him. He wouldn't take

them. "It's been two years, Rey. You called me what, twice? What the h.e.l.l do you want?"

"I want you to have dinner with me."

Joely spared a glance over her shoulder where Perry still lingered behind the counter. Perry c.o.c.ked an

eyebrow, then slid past the door, back into the office. Joely recognized that expression-she was going to have to bring Perry up to speed, Rey-wise, or suffer the consequences of a bruised friendship. "Just like that?" He smiled, bemused. "It's just dinner." "You came two thousand miles just for dinner?" "Well, not really."

"Then what do you want really?"

He took a long breath, his attention moving to the papers, still in Joely's hand. "I want to talk. About those, about some other things." His gaze strayed to the office door behind her, as if afraid Perry might come back into the room at any moment.

She was having a hard time looking him in the eye, her body betraying her with alarming intensity. She wanted him. Preferably naked, his hands all over her. Wanted him inside her. Hoping for some sort of control, she took a long, slow, careful breath.

"I don't think this is the time or the place," he said.

She swallowed, her heart fluttering again. "No, it isn't. I have work to do."

"Then will you see me tonight?"

The bell on the door tinkled and a woman entered, pausing to look at the jewelry.

"All right. Fine."

"Good." He plucked the papers from her hand and laid them on the counter behind her. "Meet me

tonight at that little restaurant next door. Six o'clock. Bring these with you if you want and I'll sign them,

then I'll take them back to New York and get them filed. Otherwise-well, I have some things to say."

He turned toward the door, looked back over his shoulder once with a look half smolder and half regret, then he was gone.

It was all Joely could do to keep from running after him. Not fair. So not fair that he could just walk in

out of nowhere and light her hormones up like a torch. She was having trouble catching her breath.

Behind her, the office door creaked open and Perry came out, a concerned expression on her face. "I'll take care of the customers," she offered.

"Thanks."

Joely retreated into the office. The computer was still on, a screensaver winding brightly-colored patterns across the screen. She pressed a b.u.t.ton. The profit graph returned.

She mustered a strained smile. She was doing well on her own. Nothing and no one could take that

away, and her heart still warmed at the thought. But everything had changed, because after fourteen months of building life as a single woman, suddenly she was married again.

In the showroom, the bell on the front door tinkled again, signaling the departure of their customer, and

Perry came back into the office. "What's the story?" Perry demanded. "There's no story." No way was Perry going to let her get away with that, and Joely knew it. She wasn't even sure why she'd tried. Predictably, Perry c.o.c.ked her head to one side and regarded her friend dubiously. "You tell me you're divorced, then this long tall drink of water shows up on your doorstep with year-old invalid divorce papers and there's no story?" Joely put her head in her hands. "Okay, so I fudged things a little. We're not legally divorced." "So I gathered. And you committed this little oversight because...?" Joely gave a defeated shrug. "I don't know. I was doing well here, and I didn't feel like dragging up the past." "You'd think that would be worth your attention, if you really wanted to get rid of the guy." "I know. I just-I don't know."

Perry leaned against the edge of the desk, crossing her arms over her chest. "That was coherent."

"Yeah. Rey has that effect on me." And other effects, as well, dredging up questions and emotions she'd hoped she wouldn't have to deal with. Ever. She should have known better. "Rey? That's his name?" "Reynard. Reynard Birch. Fine Mr. Lawyer Man, we'll call him." Her voice shook a little; she hoped Perry wouldn't notice. Perry made a face. "He's a lawyer? Defense or prosecuting?" "Corporate." "Is that worse or better?" "It was enough to break up our marriage." She turned her chair, looking out the window. A few puffy clouds had drifted into the sapphire skyscape. Rey didn't belong here. He was part of New York, and always would be. She didn't think she could go back to that life. "You said it's been over a year?" Perry's voice intruded gently on her thoughts. "Just about." "He never called or wrote?"

"He called a few times. He wrote some letters. I never read them."

"Why did you leave him?" Her voice had softened a little, and Joely could tell by her expression that she understood how difficult the conversation had become. "Was he abusive?"

"No, it wasn't like that. He just-he had an affair, I guess. With his job."

"So he never beat you, never cheated on you, and never signed the divorce papers."

"That's about it."

"He sounds like quite the ogre." She paused, waiting for a laugh. Joely didn't oblige. "Do you still love him?"

"I don't know." Seeing him had brought back so many memories, for some reason only the good ones. His warm smile. His long, clever fingers. The way his eyes darkened when he came... Rey still made something inside her sing. Too loudly, even. So loudly it was hard to hear any sort of logic over it. Whether that was love or not, she didn't know. She looked imploringly at Perry. "I don't know what to do, Perry. What should I do?" Perry shook her head in what appeared to be exasperated sympathy. "Hon, I think you need to go have dinner tonight with your husband."

Joely closed up shop early that evening. It had been another good day, but customers had trickled to nothing by four-thirty, so Joely turned the "Closed" sign around and headed home to face the decision she'd made that afternoon.

She almost wished she'd made him sign the divorce papers right there, just to get it over with. But if he wanted to talk, she supposed she should give him that chance. Could anything he might say make a difference? He'd hurt her so deeply, so irrevocably, that she doubted he could woo her back with words of any kind.

She turned her Jeep onto the dirt road that led to her house, then up the long, winding driveway. Some days, it was too long and winding-days when it snowed, or when a heavy rain washed it into ruts even the Jeep could barely handle. But the payoff was worth it. She pulled into the small garage and headed inside.