Around the World with Josiah Allen's Wife Part 22

I spoze that it wuz on Robert Strong's account (he is acquainted with so many big Chinamen and j.a.pans) that we wuz invited to a elegant tiffen in one of the Mikado's palaces at Tokio. The grounds wuz beautiful, the garden containing some of the most beautiful specimens of trees, trained into all shapes, some on 'em hundreds of years old, but havin' their faculties yet, and growin' jest as they wuz told to, and all the beautiful flowers and shrubs that j.a.pan can boast of, and palm trees, bananas, giant ferns and everything else beautiful in the way of vegetation.

The palace is one of the oldest in Tokio. It wuz only one story high, but the rooms wuz beautiful. The fan chamber wuz fifty feet square, the walls covered with fans of every size and shape and color. The only furniture in this room wuz two magnificent cabinets of lacquer work and four great, gorgeous bronze vases.

The tiffen wuz gin by a high official; there wuz fifty guests. The hour was two in the afternoon. There wuz ten ladies present--two beautiful j.a.panese ladies, dressed in the rich toilette of j.a.pan. The lunch cards wuz little squares of scarlet paper, with black j.a.panese writing. Josiah looked at the card intently and then whispered to me:

"How be I goin' to know what I am eatin' from these duck tracks?"

But I whispered, "Le's do what the rest do, Josiah, and we'll come out all right."

But we had a dretful scare, for right whilst we wuz partakin' of the choice j.a.pan viands a loud rumblin' sound wuz hearn, and I see even as we rushed to the door the timbers of the ceilin' part and then come together agin and the great bronze chandelier swing back and forth. My pardner ketched hold of my hand and hurried me along on a swift run and wouldn't stop runnin' for some time. I tried to stop him, for I got out of breath, but he wuz bound to run right back to Yokohama, thirty miles off. But I convinced him that we would be no safer there, for you can't argy with earthquake shocks and tell when they're comin', they are very common in all parts of j.a.pan. After the first heavy shock there wuz two lighter ones, and that ended it for that time. But though we all went back to the table, I can't say that I took any great comfort in the tiffen after that.

A blow has fell onto me I wuzn't prepared for. We found a number of letters waitin' for us here at the tarven that Robert Strong had ordered to be forwarded there. It seemed so good, whilst settin'

under a palm tree, seein' jinrikishas go by, and Chinas and j.a.pans, to set and read about the dear ones in Jonesville, and the old mair and Snip.

The letters wuz full of affection and cheer, and after readin' 'em I gathered 'em up and sought my pardner to exchange letters with him, as I wuz wont to do, and I see he had quite a few, but what was my surprise to see that man sarahuptishushly and with a guilty look try to conceal one on 'em under his bandanna. And any woman will know that all his other letters wuz as dross to me compared to the one he was hidin'. I will pa.s.s over my argyments--and--and words, before that letter lay in my hand. But suffice it to say, that when at last I read it and all wuz explained to me, groans and sithes riz from my burdened heart deeper and despairener than any I had gin vent to in years and years.

And I may as well tell the hull story now, as I spoze my readers are most as anxious about it as I wuz. Oh, Josiah! How could you done it?

How I do hate to tell it! Must I tell the shameful facts? Oh, Duty!

lower thy strongest ap.r.o.n strings and let me cling and tell and weep.

And there it had been goin' on for months and I not mistrustin' it.

But Duty, I will hold hard onto thy strings and tell the shameful tale.

Josiah owned a old dwellin' house in the environs of Jonesville, right acrost from Cap'n Bardeen's, who rented it of him to store things in.

The town line runs right under the house, so the sink is in Zoar, and the cupboard always had stood in Jonesville. But owin' to Ernest White's labors and prayers and votes, his and all other good ministers and earnest helpers, Jonesville went no-license now jest as Loontown did last year.

And jest as Satan always duz if he gits holt of souls that he can't buy or skair, he will try to cheat 'em, he is so suttle. It seems that after we got away that Cap'n Bardeen moved that cupboard over to the other side of the room into Zoar and went to sellin' whiskey out on't. Awful doin's! The minute I read the letter I sez:

"Josiah Allen, do you write this very minute and stop this wicked, wicked works!" Sez I: "No knowin' how many Jonesvillians will feel their religion a-wobblin' and tottlin' just by your example; naterally they would look up to a deacon and emulate his example--do you stop it to once!"

"No, Samantha," sez he, "Cap'n Bardeen and his father owns more cows than any other Jonesvillians. If I want to be salesman agin in the Jonesville factory I mustn't make 'em mad, and they pay a dretful high rent."

"I wouldn't call it rent," sez I, "I'd call it blood-money. I'd run a pirate flag up on the ruff with these words on it, 'Josiah Allen, Deacon.'"

He wuz agitated and sez, "Oh, no, Samantha; I wouldn't do that for the world, I am so well thought on in the M. E. meetin' house."

"Well, you won't be well thought on if you do such a thing as this!"

sez I. "Jest think how Ernest White, that good devoted minister, has labored and prayed for the good of souls and bodies, and you tryin'

your best to overthrow it all. How could you do it, Josiah?"

"Well, I may as well tell you, Samantha, I writ to Ury and kinder left it to him. He knows my ambitions and my biziness. He knows how handy money is, and he fixed it all straight and right."

"Ury!" sez I, "why should you leave it to Ury? Does he keep your conscience and clean it off when it gits black and nasty by such doin's as this?"

"No, Samantha, I've got my conscience all right. I brought it with me on my tower."

"Why should you leave it to Ury? He's your hired man, he would do as you told him to," sez I. "For a Methodist deacon such acts are demeanin' and disgustin' for a pardner and Jonesville to witness, let alone the country." And agin I sez, "You can stop it in a minute if you want to, and you know right from wrong, you know enough to say yes or no without bringin' Ury into the sc.r.a.pe; Ury! spozein' you git him into it, I can tell you he won't bear the brunt of it before the bar of this country or that bar up above. You'll have to carry the responsibility of all the evil it duz, and it will be a lastin'

disgrace to you and the hull Methodist meetin-house if you let it go on."

Agin he sez, "Ury fixed it all right."

"How did Ury fix it?" sez I, in the cold axents of woman's skorn and curiosity.

"Well, Ury said, make Bardeen stop sellin' whiskey out of the cupboard, make him sell it out of the chist. There is a big chist there that Bardeen bought to keep grain in, sez Ury; let Bardeen move that cupboard acrost the room back into Jonesville, set the chist up on the sink in Zoar and sell it out of that. Ury said that in his opinion that would make it all right, so that a perfessor and a Methodist deacon could do it with a clear conscience."

Sez I, "Do you write to once, Josiah Allen, and tell Bardeen to either stop such works, or move right out."

"Well," sez he blandly, real bland and polite, "I will consider it, Samantha, I will give it my consideration."

"No, no, Josiah Allen, you know right from wrong, truth from falsehood, honesty from dishonesty, you don't want to consider."

"Yes, I do, Samantha; it is so genteel when a moral question comes up to wait and consider; it is very fashionable."

"How long do you lay out to wait, Josiah Allen?" sez I, coldly.

"Oh, it is fashionable to not give a answer till you're obleeged to, but I will consult agin with Ury and probable along by Fall I can give you my ultimatum."

"And whilst you are a considerin' Bardeen will go on a sellin' pizen to destroy all the good that Ernest White, that devoted minister of Christ, and all the good men and wimmen helpers have done and are a doin'."

"Well," sez Josiah, "I may as well tell you, you would probably hear on't, Ernest White writ me some time ago, and sent me a long pet.i.tion signed by most all the ministers and leadin' men and wimmen, beggin'

me to stop Bardeen."

"Well, what did you tell him, Josiah Allen?"

"I told him, Samantha, I would consider it."

"And," sez I, "have you been all this time, months and months, a considerin'?"

"Yes, mom," sez he, in a polite, genteel tone, "I have."

"Well, do you stop considerin' to once, Josiah Allen."

"No, Samantha, a pardner can do a good deal, but she can't break up a man's considerin'. It is very genteel and fashionable, and I shall keep it up."

I groaned aloud; the more I thought on't, the worse I felt. Sez I, "To think of all the evils that are a flowin' out of that place, Josiah, and you could stop it to once if you wuz a minter."

"But," sez Josiah, "Ury sez that if it wuzn't sold there by Cap'n Bardeen the factory folks would go over into Zoar and git worse likker sold by low down critters."

Sez I, "You might as well say if Christians don't steal and murder, it will be done by them of poor moral character. That is one strong weepon to kill the evil--confine the bizness to the low and vile and show the world that you, a Methodist and a deacon, put the bizness right where it belongs, with murder and all wickedness, not as you are sayin' now by your example, it is right and I will protect it."

"Well," sez Josiah, as sot as a old hen settin' on a brick bat, "it is law; Ury has settled it."

My heart ached so that it seemed to clear my head. "We'll see," sez I, "if it can't be changed. I'll know before a week has gone over my head." And I got up and dragged out the hair trunk, sithin' so deep that it wuz dretful to hear, some like the melancholy winter winds howlin' round a Jonesville chimbly.

"What are you a goin' to do, Samantha?" sez Josiah anxiously.

"I am goin' back home," sez I, "to-morrer to see about that law."

"Alone?" sez he.