Around the World with Josiah Allen's Wife Part 20

"Yes, the coolers, the hired help, you know," sez he. "Catch Ury fixin' his eye on his left side coat collar when he speaks to me not dastin' to lift it, and bowin' and sc.r.a.pin' when I told him to go and hitch up, or bring in a pail of water, and catch him windin' his hair in a wod when he wuz out by himself and then lettin' it down his back when he came to wait on me."

Sez I, "Ury's hair is too short to braid."

"Well, you can spozen the case, can't you? But as I wuz sayin', for all these coolers are so polite, I would trust Ury as fur agin as I would any on 'em. And then they write jest the other way from we do in Jonesville, begin their letters on the hind side and write towards 'em; and so with planin' a board, draw the plane towards 'em. I would like to see Ury try that on any of my lumber. And because we Jonesvillians wear black to funerals, they have to dress in white.

Plow would I looked at my mother-in-law's funeral with a white night gown on and my hair braided down my back with a white ribbin on it?

It would have took away all the happiness of the occasion to me.

"And then their language, Samantha, it is fixed in such a fool way that when they want a word different, they yell up the same word louder and that makes it different, as if I wuz to say to Ury kinder low and confidential, 'I shall be the next president, Ury;' and then I should yell up the same words a little louder and that would mean, 'Feed the brindle steer;' there hain't no sense in it. But I spoze one thing that ails them is their havin' to stand bottom side up, their feet towards Jonesville. Their blood runs the wrong way. Mebby I shouldn't do any better than they do if I stood so the hull of the time; mebby I should let my finger nails grow out like bird's claws and shake my own hands when I meet company instead of theirn. Though,"

sez Josiah, dreamily, "I don't know but I shall try that in Jonesville; I may on my return from my travels walk up to Elder Minkley and the bretheren in the meetin'-house, and pa.s.s the compliments with 'em and clasp my own hands and shake 'em quite a spell, not touchin' their hands. I may, but can't tell for certain; it would be real uneek to do it."

"Well," sez I, "Josiah, every country has its own strange ways; we have ourn."

Sez he, "How you would scold me if I wuz to wear my hat when we had company, and here it is manners to do it, and take off your specs. Why should I take off my specs to meet Elder Minkley?"

"Well," sez I, "there hain't anything out of the way in it, if they want to."

Sez Josiah, "You seem to take to China ways so, you and Arvilly, that I spoze mebby you'll begin to bandage your feet when you git home, and toddle round on your big toes."

And I sez, "I d'no but I'd jest as soon do that as to girt myself down with cossets, or walk round with a trailin' dress wipin' up all the filth of the streets to carry home to make my family sick."

But it is a awful sight. I had the chance right there in Canton to see a foot all bound up to make it the fashionable size.

The four small toes wuz twisted right under the ankle, and the broken, crushed bones of the foot pressed right up where the instep should be.

The pain must have been sunthin' terrible, and very often a toe drops off, but I spoze they are glad of that, for it would make the little lump of dead flesh they call their feet smaller. They wear bright satin shoes, all embroidered and painted, and their little pantelettes cover all but the very end of the toe. They all, men and wimmen, wear a loose pair of trowsers which they call the foo, and a kind of jacket which they call a sham.

"A fool and a sham," Josiah called 'em all the time. The wimmen have their hair all stuck up with some kind of gum, making it as good as a bunnet, but I would fur ruther have the bunnet. Sometimes they wear a handkerchief over it. Wimmen hain't shut up here as they are in Turkey, but no attention is paid to their education and they are looked down on. Men seem to be willin' to have wimmen enjoy what religion they can, such as they have. But her husband won't let her set to the table with him, and he can whip her to death and not be touched for it, but if she strikes back a single blow he can get a divorce from her.

I thought wimmen wuz worse off here than they wuz in America, but Arvilly argyed that our govermunt sold stuff and took pay for it that made men beat their wives, and sold the right to make wicked wimmen and keep 'em so, and took wimmen's tax money to keep up such laws. And she went over such a lot of unjust laws that I didn't know but she wuz right, and that we wuz jest about as bad off in some things. They marry dretful young in China. Little babies are engaged to be married right whilst they're teethin', but they can't marry I guess till they are ten or twelve years old.

From Canton we went back to Hongkong, intendin' to go from there to Calcutta. But Dorothy felt that she must see j.a.pan while she wuz so near, and we concluded to go, though it wuz goin' right out of our way in the opposite direction from Jonesville. But when Dorothy expressed a wish Robert Strong seemed to think it wuz jest as bindin' on him as the law of the Medes and Persians, whatever they may be, and Miss Meechim felt so too, so though as I say it wuz some as though I should go to she that wuz Submit Tewksberrys round by the widder Slimpsey's and Brother Henzy's. We found some mail here to the tarven, letters from the dear children and our help. Thomas J. and Maggie wuz gittin'

better, and the rest well, and all follerin' our journey with fond hearts and good wishes. Philury and Ury writ that everything was goin'

well on the farm and the Jonesvillians enjoyin' good health. Arvilly got a paper from Jonesville and come in to read it to us. It had been a long time on the road. It said that a new bill was a-goin' to be introduced to allow wimmen to vote, but she didn't seem to be encouraged about it much. Sez she: "The law won't do anything about that as long as it is so busy grantin' licenses to kill folks via Saloon and other houses of death and ruin and ca.n.a.ls and trusts and monopolies to protect to steal the people's money."

But I sez, "I do hope the bill will pa.s.s for the sake of Justice, if nothin' else. Justice," sez I, "must have been so shamed to see such things goin' on that she wuz glad she wore bandages over her eyes; and her hands have shook so she hain't weighed even for some time; to see her sect taxed without representation, punished and hung by laws she has no voice in makin'."

Josiah sez, "I admit that that is ruther hard, Samantha, but that hain't the nick on't. The pint is that wimmen hain't got the self-control that men has. The govermunt is afraid of her emotional nater; she gits wrought up too quick. She is good as gold, almost a angel, in fact, as we male voters have always said. But she is too hasty; she hain't got the perfect calmness, the firm onmovable sense of right and wrong, the patience and long sufferin' that we men have; she flies off too sudden one way or t'other; govermunt well fears she would be a dangerous element in the body politick."

Jest as Josiah finished this remark Arvilly read out a thrillin'

editorial about the war between Russia and j.a.pan; the editor commented on the wickedness of men plungin' two great empires into warfare, slaughterin' thousands and thousands of men, bringin' ontold wretchedness, distress, pestilence and dest.i.tution just to gratify ambition or angry pa.s.sion. For it wuz this, he said, in the first place, whatever it became afterward.

A war of defence, of course, argued an aggressor, and he talked eloquent about Courts of Arbitration which would do away with the wholesale butchery and horror of war. And he called eloquent on Peace to fly down on her white wings bearing the olive branch, to come and stop this unutterable woe and crime of war.

(Arvilly left off readin' to remind Josiah that Peace wuz always depictered as a female, and then resoomed her readin'.)

In conclusion, the editor lamented the fact that in the annals of our nation men so often forgot the Golden Rule and gin vent to voylent pa.s.sions and onbecomin' behavior.

Sez Josiah, "I guess I will take Tommy and go out for a little walk, Samantha, I feel kinder mauger."

"I should think you would!" sez Arvilly, lookin' hull reams of by-laws and statutes at him.

And I sez, "Whilst you're walkin', dear Josiah, you might meditate on the danger to the govermunt from wimmen's emotional nature, and the patience and long sufferin' of men voters." I said it real tender and good, but he snapped me up real snappish.

Sez he, "I shall meditate on what I'm a minter. Come, Tommy," and they went out.

CHAPTER XVII

And the next day we started for Yokohama. I had felt kinder dubersome about goin' through countries that wuz plunged in a great war, but we got along all right, n.o.body shot at us or made any move to, and we didn't see anybody hurt. But knowed that the warfare wuz ragin' away somewhere out of our sight.

Death wuz marchin' along on his pale horse in front of the army, and hearts wuz breakin' and the light of the sun and of life darkened in thousands and thousands of grand and humble homes.

I felt dretful when I thought on't, but hain't goin' to harrow up the reader's feelin's talkin' about it, knowin' it won't do any good, and anyway they've all read the particulars in the daily papers.

Well, we reached Yokohama with no fatal casualties to report, though my pardner wuz real seasick, but brightened up as we drew nigh to sh.o.r.e. Here and there a little village with quaint houses could be seen, and anon a temple or shrine riz up above the beautiful tropical foliage and further off the Fujiyama, the sacred mountain, riz up above the other mountains.

We come into the harbor about half-past three and arrove at our tarven about five. When we drew nigh the sh.o.r.e almost naked boatmen come out to meet us in their sampans, as they call their little boats (Josiah called 'em "sa.s.s pans" right to their face, but I don't spoze they understood it). They wuz to take us into the sh.o.r.e and they wuz yellin' to each other fearful as they pushed their boats ahead. Their toilettes consisted mostly of figgers p.r.i.c.ked into their skins, dragons and snakes seemed their favorite skin ornaments, the color wuz blue mostly with some red. Josiah sez to me as we looked down on 'em from the dock:

"Them coolers wouldn't have to carry a Saratoga trunk with 'em when they travel; a bottle of ink and a pin would last 'em through life."

It wuz a real hot day, and Josiah continered, "Well, their clothin' is comfortable anyway, that's why they are called coolers, because they're dressed so cool," and, sez he, "what a excitement I could make in Jonesville next summer in dog-days by introducin' this fashion."

I looked on him in horrow, and he added hastily, "Oh, I should wear a short tunic, Samantha, comin' down most to my knees, with tossels on it, and I shouldn't wear snakes or dragons on my skin, I should wear some texts of Scripter, or appropriate quotations, as Josiah the fair, or Josiah the pride of Jonesville, runnin' down my legs and arms, and I shouldn't have 'em p.r.i.c.ked in, I could have 'em painted in gay colors."

"Oh, heavens!" sez I, lookin' up to the sky, "what won't I hear next from this man!"

"I hadn't said I should do it, Samantha; and 'tennyrate it would be only through dog-days. I said what a excitement it would make if I concluded to do it."

Sez I, "It is a excitement that would land you in Jonesville jail, and ort to."

But at that minute Arvilly and Miss Meechim come up to us and broke off the conversation. j.a.pan boatmen jest wear a cloth round their loins, and some of 'em had a little square of matting fastened by a rope round their necks to keep the rain offen their backs.

After goin' through the custom house, where we got off easy, we went to a tarven called the Grand Hotel and had a good night's rest.

CHAPTER XVIII

The next mornin', after tiffen, which wuz what they call breakfast, bein' just so ignorant of good Jonesville language, Josiah and I and Tommy sallied out to see what we could see, the rest of our party havin' gone out before.

Wantin' to go a considerable ways, we hired two jinrikishas, and I took Tommy in my lap, and I must say that I felt considerable like a baby in a baby carriage carryin' a doll; but I got over it and felt like a grandma before I had gone fur. How Josiah felt I don't know, though I hearn him disputin' with the man about his prices--we had took a interpreter with us so we could know what wuz said to us. The price for a jinrikisha is five sen, and Josiah thought it meant five cents of our money, and so handed it to him. But the man wuz so ignorant he didn't know anything about Jonesville money, and he kep'

a-callin' for sen, and the interpreter sez "Sen," holdin' up his five fingers and speakin' it up loud, and I hearn Josiah say:

"Well, you fool, you, I have given you five cents! What more do you want?" But at last he wuz made to understand; but when Josiah made him know where he wanted to go the interpreter said that the sedan carriers wanted a yen, and my poor pardner had another struggle. Sez he: