Lily Bouquet - A Girls Love Anthology 30 Til Life Do Us Part - Jacqueline Side

For Jacqueline, that day started as a nightmare. She and Amanda were just sixteen years old. They were always together since they were children. Jacqueline had brown skin just a little lighter than Amanda. Her long brown hair was straight as a result of a curling iron. Amanda had praised it, but saying that "you're pretty no matter what."

It was just the last month when Jacqueline realized her feelings. It was through a dare her cousin made them do. Just one kiss, nothing more. Amanda was fast to agree, but Jacqueline resisted at first. In the end, she gave up. And that moment, that kiss, was something she wouldn't forget so fast. That was enough to make her realize her feelings for her friend weren't just of friendship. She was in love with her.

It took one month for her to gather courage, but the previous night she finally did. It was late of night. Jacqueline confessed her love to Amanda and asked to be her girlfriend. Amanda looked surprised. Struggling to even talk, she asked for some time to think about it and the two girls said goodbye. Later that night, Jacqueline received the tragic notice, delivered by her mother. Amanda had suffered an accident. She fell in the river and drowned to death.

First, Jacqueline was in shock. Then she started to cry desperately. Her mother had to hold her strong because her body had lost all strength. In the middle of all despair, Jacqueline wondered if it was an accident. Could Amanda had jumped because she wanted? Could Jacqueline's confession trigger that? The timing of it made her think that wasn't an accident. Somehow, it had to be her fault.

But at the funeral, in front of the coffin, she couldn't even cry anymore. It was impossible. The reason for that was across the coffin. Standing up and smiling at her. The same Amanda who was now lying inside it.

Jacqueline put her hand on the coffin and stared at her friend, the one with open eyes and smiling at her, not the one lying dead inside it. She was confused. She was trying to understand if that was just some hallucination, but it looked too real. Amanda was even wearing the same clothes she did last night. As Jacqueline was trying to decide what to do, Amanda walked to her side. She whispered in her ear.

"Don't talk to me. Don't look at me that much. You're the only one who can see me."

There was an impish smile on her friend's lips. Jacqueline didn't know if she could keep pretending she wasn't seeing that. While she was still confused and a little scared, the truth is all she wanted was to hug the girl beside her. The girl who was just the same as the one inside the coffin.

"They were so close, the poor thing," she heard the voices saying around her.

"Her mother saying she was crying so much."

"She's probably in shock. Someone should help her."

There were lots of people talking as if there was nothing wrong. Close to the coffin, Amanda's parents were sitting. Her mother didn't stop crying for a minute while the father was trying to greet everyone.

Amanda threw a look their way and Jacqueline saw a hint of sadness on her face.

"Come with me, dear," Jacqueline's mother said, touching her shoulder. "Let's sit there for a while. You need some water?"

Jacqueline let her body be guided by her mother to a bench at the corner of the little chapel. Amanda followed them with a smile. But no one looked at her. Jacqueline was the only one who seemed to realize her friend was there.

"I know it's hard, dear, but," her mother said, but then she shut her mouth. It didn't look like she knew what to say.

Jacqueline just smiled and nodded to her mother, trying to signalize she was ok.

After some minutes, she gave up and stood up.

"I'll take some air," she said and exited the chapel, walking at the cemetery just outside.

She walked through the tombs on the high sun, since it was almost noon. Looking at all those tombs with photos above it, she realized Amanda's body would soon be inside one just like it. It was a crushing feeling, and yet…

She arrived at a point at the back where no one could see her and sat down on a low tomb. Amanda had followed her the whole way. She stopped in front of her friend and put her hands on her back. She looked somehow embarra.s.sed.

"Last time I came here was for grandma's funeral," she said, and Jacqueline felt a chill run through her body. "Who would know the next time would be for my own funeral."

Amanda let out a sad smile. Jacqueline stared at her friend in silence. She reached her hand trying to touch her body. Amanda got closer and Jacqueline held her fingers. Feeling the warmth, she choked her cry.

"I-I thought I would never feel you again," she said, with emotion in her voice.

"Hey, that's my line," Amanda said with a laugh. "If you wanted to touch my body, I am not buried yet."

Jacqueline threw a glare at her friend, as if angry at what she said, but then her face softened. She looked confused about the whole situation.

"I'm sorry," Amanda said and sat beside Jacqueline. "Jackie, I'm sorry. I'm pretty b.u.mmed about it all, too. Mom was crying…"

"Are you really here?" Jacqueline asked, after all. "Are you real? Am I seeing things?"

"Well, if I am not real, I wouldn't tell you," she said with a smile. "But if you really want to know, it's true that I'm here. But it's also true that I'm dead."

"I don't get it."

"What can I say? I was given another chance. So, like, I came here to see you," she stopped to look at her friend, who didn't seem to know how to react. "I know it's weird, but I am really me. And I wanted to see you again."

Jacqueline kept her eye on Amanda. With the sun of that morning, she had no doubt the one in her front was her friend, even though that should be impossible.

"You're b.u.mmed about it? Amanda, you're dead!"

"Y-Yeah. I know I probably shouldn't joke about it, but you know…" she touched Jacqueline's hand. Her friend's body reacted to it with an involuntary jump. "Seeing you again, after all, makes me happy, even considering the whole thing about being dead. Which I agree is pretty sad."

"After all? What happened to you?"

"Oh, that is, like, a long story. Well, not that long, but I still have something more important to tell you. The truth is that I'm here because they gave me another chance and I don't want to waste it."

"Another chance? You mean like…" Jacqueline paused. Then a shadow crossed her face, but she tried to remove is by shaking her head. "Wait, before you continue, there's something I want to ask you. About, huh, your death."

Even though she said that Jacqueline silenced. She stared at her friend, who was giving her a curious look, waiting for her to start again.

"I mean, huh, when I heard that you died. Soon after my confession, it made me think. I don't know if I'm wrong, but I mean. If that made you so disgusted. If you didn't know what to do, I…"

Amanda threw her friend a confused look until she finally realized what she was implying and jumped from where she was.

"Wait, you think I took my life? Suicide?"

"I mean…" Jacqueline lowered her eyes to her feet, avoiding her friend's gaze.

"Of course I didn't do something like that! If I was grossed about it, I would just call you gross at your face. In fact, it makes sad that you think that. How long do we even know each other?"

"So what happened last night? It can't be unrelated."

"I'll tell you, but," Amanda sat beside Jacqueline and threw a timid look at her friend. "Promise you won't laugh."

"Of course I wouldn't laugh at something like that, right?" Jacqueline's face was serious.

"And promise you won't get angry."

"I wouldn't get angry either, right?"

"And don't blame yourself."

Jacqueline didn't say anything after that. There was fear on her face when she faced Amanda.

"Well, you see," Amanda started saying. "I won't say it's not related to what you said. When you confessed to me, that was really surprising. I was really surprised and didn't know what to do. I wasn't grossed out, but I never considered, huh, you know. After saying goodbye, I walked to the bridge. I wanted to cool my head, so I inclined my body over it, and, well, I felt little dizzy and, huuh, I fell."

After Amanda finished her story, Jacqueline just kept looking at her, as if waiting for more.

"And that was it," Amanda finished with a smile.

"Are you an idiot?!" Jacqueline shout.

"Hey, you said you wouldn't get angry!"

"How can I not get angry at that? Do you even understand how stupid that was? You're dead now and…"

"I know. I'm sorry. It's not like I wanted to die, but…"

"And if I hadn't said anything…"

"No, stop!" Amanda put her finger on Jacqueline's lips, shutting her up. "Yeah, maybe if we hadn't met that day and I wasn't surprised, I wouldn't have died. But saying that was your fault is bulls.h.i.t," she put her hands on her lap and let out a faint smile, staring at her friend. "And also, I wouldn't be here now if you hadn't confessed to me, even if I died."

"So, that's really the reason…" Jacqueline's voice was weak.

"Yeah. Because I have things I still wanted to do, they allowed me to be back. With some conditions…"

"Conditions?"

"You don't need to worry about that. I'm here to give an answer to your confession, so…"

"Amanda!" Jacqueline said standing up suddenly. "S-Shouldn't we go back? My parents will be worried if I'm not back soon."

"Huh?" Amanda made a confused face. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Y-Yeah, but you see. There's no hurry, right?" Jacqueline turned to Amanda with a nervous smile. "I mean, we have all the time. We can wait until your funeral is over. And look, aren't you hungry? Come to my home after. Let's have a sleepover today. Oh, I don't know if you can eat, but…"

"Jackie…"

Amanda stood up and held Jacqueline's hands. Her friend was giving her a fearful look. She suddenly guessed what was going on.

"I want to give your answer right now."

"N-No," Jacqueline said with tears on her eyes. "I don't need it. Forget it. You don't need to tell me anything. Ok? Just stay with me."

Amanda sighed. She stared at her friend with a smile, the sun high in the morning making her face shine.

"I love you. I was really surprised yesterday, but after giving it some thought, I want to accept it. I love you and I accept to be your girlfriend."

After those words, Jacqueline started to cry. Amanda just let out a smile and pulled her friend closer, kissing her lips. Jacqueline was taken by surprised but hugged Amanda's body. That kiss was warm and soft. It wasn't any different from the first kiss the last month, even though Amanda wasn't alive anymore.

When their bodies parted, Amanda had a smile on her face. Jacqueline looked confused. Slowly, she touched her friend's cheek.

"Aren't you going to disappear?"

"Hey, that's rude!" Amanda said with a displeased face, slapping Jacqueline's hand away. "I just got here. Do you want me to go back already?"

"No, I don't!" Jacqueline was fast to say. "I want you to be here with me! But, didn't you say you were given a second chance because there were things you wanted to do yet?"

"Yes, there's lots. Like accepting your confession, kissing you, becoming your girlfriend, sleeping with you, living with you, spending all my life together with you. Well, your life, I guess. I'm still confused about all this "being dead" thing," Amanda held Jacqueline's hands and looked at her wet eyes. "While you allow me by your side, I'll never leave."

"So," Jacqueline swiped her tears with her arm and held Amanda's hand. "I hope you're ready to spend a long time as a ghost," she said with a smile. Then her face became serious. "Are you really a ghost, though?"

"I'm not sure. A ghost or an angel, I guess," she looked at her own hands. "But it doesn't matter."

"How can I touch you?"

"I don't know. I do know you're the only one who can touch me. But don't ask me how that works."

Jacqueline still looked at Amanda for some time, touching her face and arms without saying anything, as if mesmerized by the view in front of her. She had a smile on her face while doing it. Amanda just stood there, letting her friend absorb everything.

Once she stopped, Jacqueline held Amanda's hand.

"Let's go back for now, though. Or my mother will come looking for me."

Amanda slipped her hand out of Jacqueline's grasp and gave her friend a smile when she was looking with surprise.

"You go ahead," she said. "There's still something I have to take care of alone."

Nodding and giving Amanda a fast kiss on the lips, Jacqueline walked away. She was almost skipping until she realized looking too euphoric would be suspect, so she controlled herself.

Entering the chapel and looking at Amanda's dead body after having a conversation with her was weird. Her family came to comfort her, but from her point of view, there was nothing to be comforted anymore. Still, she just let them do as they pleased.

Time pa.s.sed and Amanda didn't come back. Jacqueline was getting worried about it.

It had become night already when they started to close the coffin to bury her body. Jacqueline almost asked them to stop but controlled herself. Her feet while walking to follow the ones carrying the coffin were heavy. Amanda disappearance was making her think that maybe it was all a hallucination. Or maybe it was real, but Amanda lied to her.

When they were in front of Amanda's tomb, she felt the tears running down her face. She was sure Amanda wouldn't be back. She wanted to ask them to stop. To ask them for one last chance to see her friend again since she didn't think that would be the last time.

She gave a step forward but was stopped by a grip on her arm. She looked to the side to see Amanda standing beside her.

Jacqueline let out a relieved smile, but seeing the tears on her friend's face, her face became serious. She followed Amanda's eyes to meet her parents. Her mother was still crying and now her father was hugging her, also with tears on his eyes.

"Don't get me wrong," Amanda said in a serious tone. "I'm happy that we can be together again. I just realized there are more people I left behind."

Jacqueline nodded and stood there. This time, however, she grabbed her friend's hand and she wouldn't let her grip go until the funeral was over.

***

When Jacqueline opened the door to her room, Amanda entered even before her, throwing her body on Jacqueline's bed. Jacqueline went after her friend, closing and locking the door behind her.

"I never thought I would see this room again," Amanda said, burying her head on Jacqueline's pillow. "Last night it flashed a lot in my mind, though."

Jacqueline sat on the corner of the single bed, throwing a glance at Amanda's body lying there. She looked embarra.s.sed.

"So, are you going to sleep there?"

"Of course we're going to sleep together, right?" Amanda said and Jacqueline felt her face turning red. "I mean, I can't get too far away from you and you're not making a bed on the floor for me, right? Your parents would find it weird. We also shared a bed before already."

"Y-Yeah," Jacqueline turned her eyes away.

"Unless you wanna make me sleep on the floor without a bed on it."

"Of course not! We'll share a bed, don't worry. But, huh…" she poked Amanda's knees. "Not that it has anything to do with it, but I was thinking. How does this new body even works? Is it the same as your previous body?"

"Oh, that?" Amanda let out a smile, pulled her friend by her arm and kissing her. "That I guess we'll discover together."