Anthony Lyveden Part 58

Think, sirs, what a slip on her part will do.

It will plainly knock the three precious articles aforementioned into a c.o.c.ked hat. Thence they will be retrieved to be turned against her--used to her condemnation by Anthony frantic. As for their love, the fragments of this that remain will not be worth taking up....

Anthony pa.s.sed a hand across his forehead.

"Shall I tell you what I dreamed?"

"Yes," said Valerie.

"I dreamed that you came to me to make it up. And I was afraid. I tried to keep off the subject. I'd come such an awful cropper that I didn't want any more falls. But you would have it out.... And you said--don't laugh--that you'd turned me down because of Anne Alison."

He stopped still and looked at her. "What was the real reason?"

Leaning her back against a green box wall, Valerie moistened her lips.

Then--

"It's perfectly true," she said quietly.

Anthony stared.

"What's true?"

"Listen. You remember the meet at Saddle Tree Cross?"

"Yes."

"When we spoke of my 'window,' and you said the spot meant so much to you that you couldn't keep away?"

Anthony nodded.

"D'you remember I said I was going away the next day?"

"Perfectly."

"It fell through, and I didn't go. There wasn't time to tell you, so I went--to the 'window.'" Anthony started. "That's right. I found you there with Anne Alison."

"But, Valerie----"

"I know, I know. Anne told me, after you'd gone--_down_." The slip she had so nearly made set the girl sweating--literally. "I was mad, Anthony, mad," she panted. "I couldn't think straight. I nearly jumped over the cliff. I think the shock sent me blind. I'd always grudged her being so much with you. I want you to know the truth. She was always at the back of my mind. And when I saw you together--there, at our window----" She buried her face in her hands. "I know it was vile of me, dear. You see what I'm like. And if, now that you know, you'd like to go to an hotel..."

"But, Valerie, why didn't you give me a chance?"

"I was mad," she wailed, "mad. I loved you so wildly, Anthony, that I was stunned. And, in spite of it all, I loved you just as much. And that made me so furious, I could have torn my hair. I wanted to hurt you cruelly, and when I did, I bruised my own heart."

"But why----"

"I was too proud. You'd dared to touch my pride"--she laughed hysterically--"my precious, sacred pride--my Ark of the Covenant.

D'you remember how Uzzah died because he touched the Ark? Well, you had to die.... And now"--she spread out her arms pathetically--"it's the pride that's dead, Anthony. Dead ... dried up ... shrivelled....

And I know what I'm worth."

She stopped.

Out of the neighbouring silence floated the comfortable note of a wood-pigeon. Clear of the shadow of the green box wall two b.u.t.terflies flitted and whirled in the hot sunshine, while a fat b.u.mble-bee hummed with excitement before the promise of a tall blue flag.

With his face in his hands, Anthony never moved.

"And that's all I've got to say. When I found I was wrong--well, I didn't know there was such agony in this world.... I deserved it, I know. Don't think I'm complaining. I deserve anything. But ... if tears count, then I've paid--some of the score...."

The man's hands were quivering.

Looking upon him, Valerie could see that he was gazing between his fingers.

"I'm afraid to speak," he said uncertainly. His voice was trembling with excitement. "I'm afraid to go on. Don't think I haven't forgiven you. I have, Valerie. I did--oh, ages ago. But ... we're skating on terribly thin ice--terribly thin. We must go frightfully carefully, Valerie. You've no idea how carefully." The girl stared at him. This was uncanny--as if he could read her thoughts. He went on breathlessly. "My dream, dear. This is what happened in my dream....

You reproached yourself in just the same handsome way. You used the same phrases." Valerie started. "And then--after all--_something went wrong_.... What it was, I don't know. I can't remember. And that's the trouble. I can't remember what happened. But it's been the same so far, and then--something went wrong...."

Valerie stood paralyzed. If Anthony was afraid to continue, she was terrified.

With an ungracious buzz the fat bee emerged clumsily from the tall blue flag and sailed noisily out of earshot. The sudden snap of jaws suggested that Patch, who was waiting patiently for the walk to proceed, forgave the flies no trespa.s.ses.

"You can't understand, dear. But you must take my word for it. I've trodden this way before. And presently--very soon now--there's a snare--a hole in the road. And if we go in, Valerie, it's--it's all up. I know it. It happened in my dream.... And I'm afraid to go on."

The tremulous misery of his tone wrung the girl's heart.

Instinctively she stretched out a hand.

Anthony recoiled with a cry.

"Don't! Don't touch me! I remember. You took my arm." Head back, he clawed at his temples. "That's right. And we started to walk. We had been standing. We started to walk back towards the cottage. And I felt absurdly happy--all of a sudden.... That was just before the end.

And then---- Oh, if I could _only_ remember...."

The agony of desire in his tone seared Valerie's brain into action.

With a shock she realized that there she was standing like a dolt, _quietly watching Lyveden cudgelling his brains for the pa.s.sword back to Insanity_. Any second he might stumble upon it. For once, mercifully, his memory was sluggish--would not respond. And there he was flogging it, to extract that hideous fatal delusion that he was pledged to Gramarye....

Frantically she sought for a distraction. Her brain, however, was away, with the bit in its teeth. She could do nothing with it. The only thing she could think of was that dreadful pa.s.s, which Anthony was straining every nerve to recall. This rose up vivid. His reference to the kiss he had given her--her soft reply--the way he had taken her in his arms--then that mischievous breeze that had come whispering out of the silence, remindful, suggestive--the start he had given at its touch--the hoa.r.s.e cry--the terrible light in his eyes....

Anthony gave a great shout.

"_I_ know," he panted jubilantly. "_I_ know.... It's coming back, darling, it's coming back--bit by bit. Then I spoke of that kiss. I said how sorry I was and asked your forgiveness. And you said----" He stopped suddenly and clapped a hand over his mouth. After a moment, "'Sh," he said shakily. "I mustn't repeat your words. That'd be moving. And we mustn't move, Valerie. We're just at the edge of the pit. We mustn't move an inch till I can see where it is. Don't be frightened, dear. It's all right. All our happiness depends upon my remembering, and--it's coming back...."

His voice faded, and in an instant he was deep in thought.

Eyes narrowed, his under-lip caught between his teeth, he stared fixedly ahead, making a supreme effort--plainly.

Valerie stood spellbound.

A pompous hum argued that the fat bee had decided to revisit the vicinity.

Far in the distance there was a movement--leaves shaken with the wind.

A breeze was pa.s.sing. The timber of the park murmured the news faintly.... With a sigh the tall elms of the avenue confirmed the park's report. A breeze was pa.s.sing ... coming ... _a little mischievous breeze_....