Ailsa Paige Part 45

She laid her hands against his lips in silence.

"Good night... . You won't leave me-too much-alone?"

"May I write to you, dear?"

"Please. And come when-when you can."

He laughed in the utter hopelessness of it all.

"Dear, I cannot come to you unless-he comes."

At that the colour came back into her face.

Suddenly she stooped, touched his hands swiftly with her lips-the very ghost of contact-turned, and was gone.

Hallam's voice was hearty and amiable; also he welcomed her with a smile; but there seemed to be something hard in his eyes as he said:

"I began to be afraid that you'd gone to sleep, Ailsa. What the deuce has kept you? A sick man?"

"Y-es; he is-better-I think."

"That's good. I've only a minute or two left, and I wanted to speak-if you'll let me-about--"

"Can't you come again next week?" she asked.

"Well-of course, I'll do my best. I wanted to speak--"

"Don't say everything now," she protested, forcing a smile, "otherwise what excuse will you have for coming again?"

"Well-I wished to- See here, Ailsa, will you let me speak about the practical part of our future when I come next time?"

For a moment she could, not bring herself to the deception; but the memory of Berkley rendered her desperate.

"Yes-if you will bring back to Miss Lynden her trooper friend when you come again. Will you?"

"Who? Oh, Ormond. Yes, of course, if she wishes--"

But she could not endure her own dishonesty any longer.

"Captain Hallam," she said with stiffened lips, "I-I have just lied to you. It is not for Miss Lynden that I asked; it is for myself!"

He looked at her in a stunned sort of way. She said, forcing herself to meet his eyes:

"Trooper Ormond is your escort; don't you understand? I desire to see him again, because I knew him in New York."

"Oh," said Hallam slowly.

She stood silent, the colour racing through her cheeks. She could not, in the same breath, ask Hallam to release her. It was impossible. Nothing on earth could prevent his believing that it was because she wished to marry Berkley. And she was never to marry Berkley. She knew it, now.

"Who is this Private Ormond, anyway?" asked Hallam, handsome eyes bent curiously on her.

And she said, calmly: "I think you did not mean to ask me that, Captain Hallam."

"Why not?"

"Because the man in question would have told you had he not desired the privilege of privacy-to which we all are ent.i.tled, I think."

"It seems to me," said Hallam, reddening, "that, under the circ.u.mstances, I myself have been invested by you with some privileges."

"Not yet," she returned quietly. And again her reply implied deceit; and she saw, too late, whither that reply led-where she was drifting, helpless to save herself, or Berkley, or this man to whom she had been betrothed.

"I've got to speak now," she began desperately calm. "I must tell you that I cannot marry you. I do not love you enough. I am forced to say it. I was a selfish, weak, unhappy fool when I thought I could care enough for you to marry you. All the fault is mine; all the blame is on me. I am a despicable woman."

"Are you crazy, Ailsa!"

"Half crazed, I think. If you can, some day, try to forgive me-I should be very grateful."

"Do you mean to tell me that you-you are-have been-in love with this-this broken-down adventurer--"

"Yes. From the first second in my life that I ever saw him. Now you know the truth. And you will now consider me worthy of this-adventurer--"

"No," he replied. And thought a moment. Then he looked at her.

"I don't intend to give you up," he said.

"Captain Hallam, believe me, I am sorry--"

"I won't give you up," he repeated doggedly.

"You won't-release me?"

"No."

She said, with heightened colour: "I am dreadfully sorry-and bitterly ashamed. I deserve no mercy, no consideration at your hands. But-I must return your ring-" She slipped it from her finger, laid it on the table, placed the chain and locket beside it.

She said, wistfully: "I dare not hope to retain your esteem-I dare not say to you how much I really desire your forgiveness-your friendship--"

Suddenly he turned on her a face, red, distorted, with rage.

"Do you know what this means to me? It means ridicule in my regiment! What kind of figure do you think I shall cut after this? It's-it's a shame!-it's vile usage. I'll appear absurd-absurd! Do you understand?"

Shocked, she stared into his inflamed visage, which anger and tortured vanity had marred past all belief.

"Is that why you care?" she asked slowly.

"Ailsa! Good G.o.d-I scarcely know what I'm saying--"

"I know."