Against All Things Ending Part 30

The muscles of Mahrtiir's jaw knotted. Cords of tension defined his neck. As if he were delivering or receiving a blow, he rasped, "Master, I find that I must cry your pardon also. If joy is in the ears that hear, as the Giants avow, not in the mouth that speaks, then blame and rue must likewise be found in the ears that hear. Condemning the Masters for their judgments, I have vaunted myself worthy to judge them. The fault is mine."

Branl considered the Manethrall briefly. His mien revealed nothing as he acknowledged Mahrtiir's apology with a bow.

Mahrtiir faced Covenant again. "If I am granted an occasion to heed your counsel, Timewarden, I will do so."

Then he walked away as if he hoped to conceal his self-recrimination by turning his back.

With a delicate Haruchai Haruchai shrug, Branl rejoined Clyme and Stave on the rim of the gully, standing guard. shrug, Branl rejoined Clyme and Stave on the rim of the gully, standing guard.

For a few moments, Covenant studied the strict set of the Manethrall's shoulders. He ached for Mahrtiir: h.e.l.l, he ached for everybody. Maybe, he mused sourly, it was a good thing that most of his former memories lay in ruins. Maybe it was crucial. If he could have remembered why why he had spoken to Mahrtiir on the plateau of Revelstone-or to Liand, or to Pahni and Bhapa-he might not be able to resist the impulse to explain himself. Doubtless Mahrtiir would be comforted to hear that he still had an important role to play. But the knowledge would shape his decisions, affect everything about him. Directly or indirectly, it would affect the whole company. And Covenant would be responsible for the change. Linden and her friends would be guided by insights which they should not have been able to glean, except by their own efforts. In effect, they would no longer be truly free. he had spoken to Mahrtiir on the plateau of Revelstone-or to Liand, or to Pahni and Bhapa-he might not be able to resist the impulse to explain himself. Doubtless Mahrtiir would be comforted to hear that he still had an important role to play. But the knowledge would shape his decisions, affect everything about him. Directly or indirectly, it would affect the whole company. And Covenant would be responsible for the change. Linden and her friends would be guided by insights which they should not have been able to glean, except by their own efforts. In effect, they would no longer be truly free.

But Covenant had been spared by his imposed mortality, for good or ill. He was in no danger of saying too much- h.e.l.lfire, he muttered in silence. No wonder only people like Roger and creatures like the croyel croyel wanted to be G.o.ds. The sheer impotence of that state would appall a chunk of basalt-if the basalt happened to care about anything except itself. Absolute power was as bad as powerlessness for anybody who valued someone else's peace or happiness or even survival. The Creator could only make or destroy worlds: he could not rule them, nurture them, a.s.sist them. He was simply too strong to express himself within the constraints of Time. wanted to be G.o.ds. The sheer impotence of that state would appall a chunk of basalt-if the basalt happened to care about anything except itself. Absolute power was as bad as powerlessness for anybody who valued someone else's peace or happiness or even survival. The Creator could only make or destroy worlds: he could not rule them, nurture them, a.s.sist them. He was simply too strong to express himself within the constraints of Time.

By that standard, forgetfulness was Covenant's only real hope. No matter how badly he wanted to remember, he needed his specific form of ignorance; absolutely required it. Nothing less would prevent him from violating the necessity of freedom.

By slow degrees, sunshine crested the rim of the gully. It reached Covenant's face: a touch that might be a curse in this desiccated region. Still in shadow, the Giants slumbered among the sand and stones and spa.r.s.e gra.s.s of the gully-bottom. Liand and Anele slept. Galt gripped Jeremiah's shoulder, holding the krill krill at the at the croyel croyel's throat. The boy stood as if he were too vacant to feel thirst or fatigue. The croyel croyel's mouth moved, perhaps yearning for Jeremiah's neck, perhaps shaping some invocation or summons. Above the rest of the company, Stave and Galt's comrades stood like statues, carved and voiceless.

Covenant shifted so that his eyes avoided the sun. Soon he would have to move Linden into the shade of the boulder. But shade was not water. It would not shield her for long.

She had been through too much: Covenant understood that. And when she found her way back to consciousness, she would judge herself harshly for her temporary escape. She would believe that she had failed her son and her friends and the Land. But he knew better. Her absence was the opposite of failure. Like Jeremiah in the aftermath of his maiming by fire and Despite, she had found a way to survive when every other form of continuance had become unendurable.

And Covenant grasped a truth that she might not recognize, even though she had experienced it before. When she returned to herself, like a b.u.t.terfly she would unfurl different strengths than those which she had possessed earlier. She would be an altered woman. Even she might not know what she had become.

It was conceivable that her sense of inadequacy would shape her into an empty vessel fit only to be filled with despair. But he refused to believe that of her.

I do not fear for her, Timewarden.

In this, as in other things, Covenant sided with Mahrtiir.

Avoiding the direct stare of the sun, he watched Linden's face for signs that she might be ready to awaken.

She looked ashen and abused, almost drained of blood. The fine lines of her features had become a kind of gauntness. At intervals, the muscles at the corners of her eyes were plucked by pains too intimate for his ordinary sight to interpret. Beneath their lids, her eyes flinched from side to side, wincing at nightmares. Occasionally her fingers twitched as though she sought to grasp her Staff. Her lips shaped words or whimpers like pleas for which he had no answer.

The longer she remained unconscious, the more she would be changed by the experience of hiding among her dreams.

The sun heated his cheek. When he blinked, his eyes felt raw, abraded by the effects of convulsions and rank minerals deep under Gravin Threndor. Dehydration blurred his vision. He thought that the time had come to move. Then he thought that he would wait for Bhapa and Pahni a little longer. Linden lay like a millstone against his chest; but he was reluctant to disturb her.

Hardly aware that he had reached a decision, he began to talk. Bowing his head, he murmured her name softly. Almost whispering, he tried to find words that would reach her.

"I love you, Linden," he said like a sigh. "Do you know that? So much time has pa.s.sed, you might find it hard to imagine. But it's true. I've spent three and a half thousand years remembering how much you mean to me-and wishing I'd done a better job of telling you.

"That's why I kept trying to warn or advise you, when I should have kept my d.a.m.n mouth shut. I didn't know how else to tell you I love you. If you've made mistakes-which I do not believe-you can't blame yourself. You only made them because I couldn't leave you alone."

Above him, Stave, Clyme, and Branl stood with their backs to the gully, facing Landsdrop and the more distant vistas of Sarangrave Flat. They may have wished to grant Covenant the illusion of privacy. Guiding Jeremiah by the shoulder, Galt turned the boy and the croyel croyel away so that Covenant would not be distracted by Jeremiah's emptiness and the creature's malevolence. away so that Covenant would not be distracted by Jeremiah's emptiness and the creature's malevolence.

Apparently the Humbled and the former Master understood what Covenant was trying to do.

"Linden," he went on, "I think you can hear me." He kept his voice low to mask his sorrow and regret. "I think that because you're like Jeremiah right now, and he he can hear me. The can hear me. The croyel croyel isn't the only one listening. But that's not all. I think he's isn't the only one listening. But that's not all. I think he's always always heard you. Nothing you ever said to him was wasted. heard you. Nothing you ever said to him was wasted.

"That's one reason I believe he doesn't serve Lord Foul. He's been listening to you. You gave him a life that wasn't all pain. It was also years of your care and devotion. You showed him he wasn't alone even though he couldn't tell you he was listening.

"Sure, Lord Foul got to him first. The Despiser marked him in that bonfire. But Jeremiah is like all the rest of us. He's more than the sum of his hurts. One damaged hand doesn't make him anybody's property. And after that, you claimed him. You claimed him in the only way that matters, by loving him the whole time. Whatever Lord Foul has done to him since is too late. I believe that. Someday you'll believe it, too. You've already taught him the difference between love and Despite."

Some of the Giants slept restlessly, fighting old battles in their dreams, or fleeing beyond exhaustion in the deep places of the world. Rime Coldspray snorted defiance or desperation softly through her teeth. Cirrus Kindwind clutched the stump of her severed arm until her knuckles whitened and the thews stood out on her hand. But none of the Swordmainnir seemed likely to awaken.

"And since then-" Covenant tried to speak more strongly, and found that he could not. His throat was too dry, and lamentations filled his chest. "h.e.l.lfire, Linden. When I told you to do something they don't expect, I didn't know you were going to surprise me so often."

He did not want her to hear his grief. She would hold herself accountable for it.

"It's quite a list, the things you've accomplished that should have been impossible. I don't know if you realize just what you've done, or how hard it was, or how many different forces were trying to stop you. I could start with escaping Mithil Stonedown and the kresh kresh to find the Ramen, or risking a to find the Ramen, or risking a caesure caesure to look for your Staff, or finding a way to bring the Demondim with you when you escaped the past." He could have started with the imponderable use of wild magic by which she had saved herself and Anele from the collapse of Kevin's Watch; but he no longer knew how she had achieved that feat. "But you won't take credit for any of that. You'll say you didn't do it on your own, you had help, you couldn't have done it alone. to look for your Staff, or finding a way to bring the Demondim with you when you escaped the past." He could have started with the imponderable use of wild magic by which she had saved herself and Anele from the collapse of Kevin's Watch; but he no longer knew how she had achieved that feat. "But you won't take credit for any of that. You'll say you didn't do it on your own, you had help, you couldn't have done it alone.

"Well, I'm not going to argue with you. Of course you had help. We've all had help. It doesn't diminish what you've done."

The rising sun had reached her face. Her head rested against his chest in a way that allowed the light to strike her troubled eyes, although their lids were closed and clenched. Hoping to ease her, he cupped one hand to provide a patch of shade.

"But think about it, Linden. We only have Jeremiah now because you broke the construct hiding him. n.o.body helped you with that. n.o.body else could have saved Liand," whose fate seemed to thicken around him as he slept. "And I only have hands I can still use because you healed them. For that alone, I'm so grateful I don't know how to contain it."

Everything that he required of himself while life remained in his body depended on his ability to grip and hold.

Gradually a low breeze began to blow, drawn by the warmed cliff of Landsdrop. It cooled the mounting pressure of the sun; but it could not ease his thirst. His voice had become an effortful sc.r.a.pe of sound. His tongue felt stupid in his mouth, and sand seemed to clog his attempts to swallow.

"But you didn't stop there. You're the reason we survived She Who Must Not Be Named."

With his peripheral vision, he saw that Stave had turned to study him. The Humbled had set aside the pretense that they were not listening.

They wanted to know what he meant.

He was thinking of Elena, agonized and frantic. She was his daughter by rape; and he had not stopped her from drinking the Blood of the Earth, even though he had suspected that her intentions were distorted or dangerous. Now her pain had been consumed by the bane's larger and more rabid torment- -because Linden had not granted her the compa.s.sion which Kevin Landwaster had received from his forefathers.

He wanted to tell Linden that she had done the right thing.-something they don't expect. Something no one could have expected. In effect, she had rubbed salt in Elena's wounds. She had left Elena's anguish so fresh and naked that She Who Must Not Be Named had been unable to ignore it.

He wanted to say that sometimes good came from cruel means.

But he could not. The words hurt too much. And they would not help Linden forgive herself. Certainly they did not ease his own remorse.

Yet he believed that they were important. Saying that good could not be accomplished by evil means implied a definition of evil which excluded Linden's particular desperation.

Nevertheless he did not speak of Elena. He did not wish the Haruchai Haruchai to hear him. They would judge him as well as Linden in the same way that they judged themselves. Instead he murmured, faltering, "You've saved us in more ways than I can count. None of us would still be alive without you." to hear him. They would judge him as well as Linden in the same way that they judged themselves. Instead he murmured, faltering, "You've saved us in more ways than I can count. None of us would still be alive without you."

Then he was finished. He had nothing more to say, and very little strength. She would wake, or she would not. Either way, the choice was hers.

Lifting his head, he saw Stave nod before resuming his watch on the horizons. Perhaps the former Master approved. Or perhaps his nod merely acknowledged that Covenant had tried.

Later Covenant asked Stave to help him move Linden back into the shade of the boulder. He was too weak to shift her gently by himself. As Stave complied, however, the former Master remarked that the Manethrall's Cords were returning.

"They appear stronger. I deem that they have found water."

Covenant did not know how much longer he could wait. Like his concern for Linden, his thirst had become a kind of fever, so hot that it parched his thoughts.

Muttering to himself, he moved as far into the boulder's shade as he could while Stave lifted Linden. Then he accepted her again, settled her against his chest.

Through the haze in his eyes, he saw the Cords approaching, accompanied now by their Manethrall. Pahni and Bhapa had been gone for what felt like a long time. They must have walked far. He could not imagine where he, or the Ardent, or even the Giants would find the stamina to do the same.

While Covenant tried to believe that he was capable of walking at all, Clyme said brusquely, "Stave."

With a small shrug for the affront of being commanded aloud, Stave returned to the rim of the watercourse. At the same time, Clyme and Branl leapt down to greet the Ramen. As soon as the Cords announced their success, Clyme said, "If it can be done, this company must be spared further exertion. We will endeavor to bring water here."

"We have no vessels," Mahrtiir observed.

"And we have seen no aliantha aliantha," added Bhapa.

Clyme ignored the Cord. "We will contrive a means," he told Mahrtiir. With one hand, he gestured at Anele sleeping cupped in Galesend's cataphract. "Shaped as it is, the armor of the Giants will serve. We need only rouse one of the Swordmainnir."

"It is stone," the Manethrall objected. "Its weight alone-"

Branl cut him off. "We do not ask this of you, Manethrall. We will bear the burden. Stave will stand watch in our stead."

Mahrtiir hesitated for a moment, as if he doubted even the great strength of the Haruchai Haruchai. Then he nodded. "Cord Bhapa and I will accompany you. When Cord Pahni has bestirred the Ironhand, she will join her wariness to Stave's."

Pahni obeyed promptly. Casting a worried glance at Liand, she knelt beside Rime Coldspray. From a small pouch at her waist, she took a little amanibhavam amanibhavam. After rubbing the dried leaves between her fingers, she held them to Coldspray's nose.

Covenant had once eaten raw amanibhavam amanibhavam: an act of madness which may nonetheless have saved his life.

Coldspray snorted at the smell, twisted away as though it stung her nostrils. A moment later, she raised her head, blinking at the film of fatigue and thirst in her eyes.

Satisfied, Pahni climbed out of the gully toward Stave.

"Ironhand," Clyme stated, "we require your armor to carry water."

Coldspray regarded him with an air of stupefaction. Briefly she struggled to understand him. Then she managed a nod. Fumbling, she undid the bindings of her cataphract. When that was done, she rolled across the sand until she left the breastplate and back of her armor behind.

Freed from the heavy stone, she labored unsteadily to her feet and watched as Clyme and Branl each stooped to lift half of her cataphract. Seeing that they were equal to the task, she took a small stone flask-diamondraught-from a slot or notch in her breastplate and drank the last of its contents: a few drops. Then she tucked the flask under her belt and stumbled toward Frostheart Grueburn. Without making any effort to wake her comrade, she knelt to release the clasps of Grueburn's armor.

By increments, she succeeded at rolling Grueburn to one side.

Grueburn opened her eyes, peered at Coldspray. A frown knotted her features as she fought to moisten her mouth. "Ironhand," she rasped painfully. "What-?"

"Rest if you must," Coldspray replied, hoa.r.s.e with thirst. "If you are able to do so, arise and aid me. We must make use of your cataphract as basins for water."

Grueburn shook her head, staring dully. "Able?" she croaked. "Have I not named myself the mightiest of the Swordmainnir? If you are indeed able to carry water, surely I can do no less."

Goading herself with Giantish curses, Frostheart Grueburn began to climb upright. When she had found a measure of balance, she, too, retrieved her flask and poured her last drops of diamondraught diamondraught into her mouth. into her mouth.

Covenant saw their heavy muscles tremble as Coldspray and Grueburn picked up Grueburn's armor; and he almost slipped. Images tugged at him: Saltheart Foamfollower bearing him into the unendurable magma of Hotash Slay; Grimmand Honninscrave straining to contain samadhi samadhi Sheol. His memories spanned too much time. And he had too many lives on his conscience. Linden's dest.i.tution against his chest was only one burden among a clamoring host. Sheol. His memories spanned too much time. And he had too many lives on his conscience. Linden's dest.i.tution against his chest was only one burden among a clamoring host.

"Hang on," he murmured, speaking to himself as much as to her. "It won't be long now. We'll have water soon."

Somehow the Ironhand and Grueburn stood in spite of stone and exhaustion. They looked weaker than Branl and Clyme, but they managed to support the shaped rock of Grueburn's cataphract.

"Now," Coldspray panted to Mahrtiir. "Ere this tattered mimicry of vigor fails us."

The Manethrall turned quickly toward Covenant; bowed like a promise. Then he wheeled away. Guided by Bhapa, he led Clyme and Branl, Coldspray and Grueburn away along the gully. Both Swordmainnir tottered as though they were about to fall; but they did not. From some deep reserve of indomitability, they drew the resolve to stay on their feet and walk.

Covenant watched them go with a pang in his heart, as if he had failed them-although he could not have said how. His sense of disappointment in himself seemed to have no name.

He had certainly failed Linden.

For a time, he forgot to stroke her hair. His shoulders slumped, resting his incomplete hands on the sand. Like his memories, their stiffness threatened to drag him into the fissures of the past. But then he muttered, "h.e.l.lfire," and forced himself to lift his arms again.

The sensations of touching her were denied to him. Only the repet.i.tive gentleness of caresses comforted him. But he knew how badly he had hurt her, both by his silence among the Dead and by his recurring absences. He knew that he would surely hurt her again. And he knew what he had done to Elena. He did not seek solace for himself.

Other people needed consolation more than he did.

He could not measure time. He was not yet attuned to mundane circadian increments-or he was too badly dehydrated. The sun moved: the shadow of the boulder dwindled. Landsdrop seemed to shrink as the angle of the light changed. But such things did not tell him how long Mahrtiir and the others had been gone, or when they might come back.

The season was still spring: he remembered that. Nevertheless the sun's heat leaned down on him until he forgot that he had been drenched only a few hours earlier. It made Linden heavier. The day was going to be hot. Too hot- More and more as haze blurred his sight, he saw Landsdrop as a barrier. A forbidding-Unattainable. It made him think that he would never see the Upper Land again.

His desire to walk in Andelain once more before the world ended was a new kind of ache, unforeseen and immedicable. He had no anodyne for any of his woes.

When Galt said firmly, "Ur-Lord, the others return. They bear water," Covenant needed a moment to understand him.

Peering down the gully, Covenant eventually made out six figures, four of them small. Their shapes wavered and bled, as uncertain as hallucinations dissolving in the sun's glare. But they became more solid as they approached. Walking with slow care, they took on definition until he could believe that they were real.

Clyme, Branl, and two Giants. Mahrtiir and Bhapa.

Covenant leaned forward in antic.i.p.ation, but Linden did not awaken.

Clearly the two Swordmainnir had gained much by drinking their fill. Their movements were steady, articulating their stubborn vitality. Nevertheless the Humbled carried their laden basins almost as easily.

The halves of the cataphracts were large enough to hold substantial quant.i.ties of water.

Abruptly the croyel croyel said, "That isn't going to help you." Jeremiah's voice was harsh with scorn. "This isn't over. The Ardent hasn't done you any favors. Drink as much as you want. Congratulate yourselves for staying alive. It won't make any difference. That fat Insequent isn't as smart as he thinks." said, "That isn't going to help you." Jeremiah's voice was harsh with scorn. "This isn't over. The Ardent hasn't done you any favors. Drink as much as you want. Congratulate yourselves for staying alive. It won't make any difference. That fat Insequent isn't as smart as he thinks."

A frown creased Linden's forehead. The croyel croyel's words in her son's mouth appeared to trouble her. The muscles at the corners of her eyes flinched more urgently. Still she did not rouse.

"Be silent, creature," Galt replied. "Do you fancy that I will scruple to sever your foul head from its body? This youth whom you torment has no worth to me. And in her present state, Linden Avery cannot plead for him. It will not grieve me to cause your death."

Covenant wondered whether Galt would carry out his threat. Fortunately the croyel croyel did not test the Master. did not test the Master.

Stepping among the sprawled forms of the company, Manethrall Mahrtiir said as if his blindness gave him the right to command, "Offer drink to the Insequent. We are in sore need of his powers." Plainly he had quenched his own thirst and become stronger. But he could not appease his sense of futility, or his resentment of it. "If any diamondraught diamondraught remains, grant it to the Ringthane. Her plight demands water, but while she remains as she is, she will drink little. Mayhap the greater potency of remains, grant it to the Ringthane. Her plight demands water, but while she remains as she is, she will drink little. Mayhap the greater potency of diamondraught diamondraught will succor her." will succor her."

"Aye," a.s.sented the Ironhand. The strain of her burden showed in her voice, in spite of her nascent recovery. With elaborate care, she set down her half of Grueburn's armor. Then she went to where Latebirth lay snoring: a husky sound in the back of Latebirth's throat, distressed and uneven. Coldspray opened Latebirth's cataphract, lifted the breastplate aside, and took Latebirth's flask. However, a quick shake of the flask told Coldspray that it was empty. Dropping the wrought stone in vexation, she moved to search Onyx Stonemage.

At the same time, Grueburn carried her vessel to the Ardent's side; Clyme placed his near Latebirth; and Branl approached Covenant. Only Branl's slow caution as he lowered Coldspray's breastplate to the sand betrayed that the armor and its weight of water were heavy for him.