Adventures Of Myhr Part 18

"You gave me to understand you could help!" she continued, voice still on the rise.

"And you'll get my best shot, just not in the magic department. Terrin's the wizard," I said, pointing at him. He waggled his fingers at her to show he was still alive. "A real good one."

"And in rather poor condition," she observed. "How can he help us put the h.e.l.l-river back? He can't even stand up."

"He'll get better, he always does." Ihoped he'd get better. The grin he had for the servant girl working on his sneakers didn't have the usual evil spark that he could put into things. Hewas in bad shape.

"Why did you-?How could you-?" Filima was going kind of purple. Stress can do that to a person.

"Look, I got dragged away against my will, hauled up here to get the third degree with you making all kinds of a.s.sumptions about who I am and what I can do. You practically insisted that I be a wizard. It seemed like good healthy survival sense to just go with the flow. What would you have done in my place?"

That brought her up short, but she wasn't going to turn apologetic just yet. She made a growling sound, shifting mental gears. "Captain Shankey, will you go see to the overduke's men? Tell them something suitably polite, then make sure the house is locked before sunset."

He gave a kind of salute, then went off, but seemed to be grinding his teeth. Whether it was from my misdirecting the boss lady or because his fly-on-the-wall routine was ended, I couldn't tell.

Filima shooed people away to various errands and eventually had me and Terrin all to herself. I could have done without Terrin just then, but she didn't have amus.e.m.e.nt activities in mind.

"Master Wizard," she said, going all formal.

Terrin's grin got wider. "Wa.s.sup?"

She started to speak, then paused. This seemed to be the first time she got a real good look at him. The mind-bending color combinations of his clothes were enough to shut anyone up, but his Hawaiian shirt was off, revealing the T-shirt beneath. Its silk-screened front showed a cartoon of demon lesbian babes with fluorescent orange skin cavorting in a cartoon h.e.l.l. They had long forked tongues and tails, both appendages being used toward pleasurable pursuits on one another. It was one of his favorites. Filima just sort of gulped and put on a brave face. She started to speak again, but couldn't quite get into the swing of it. Instead, she cleared her throat and muttered something about hurrying the food along.

Then she got out, shutting the door firmly behind her. Couldn't blame her; she had a lot to think about.

Terrin fell into one of his snickery fits, but with less energy than usual. Since he was under the weather I wasn't as stern as I might otherwise have been. "She's got gems," I reminded him.

"I know that." Terrin lay back on the velvet pillows with a long sigh. "A dump like this has to have plenty floating around. When I'm feeling better we can check the sofas for loose diamonds."

"And I got her to agree to pay for any magic work done to get rid of that black foggy thing no one wants around."

"You're sure she'll pay in gems?"

"If you don't scare her off with your taste in clothing. That gorgeous dream that just stampeded out of here at warp eight is a bona fidelady ." So what if she'd been an oochie-coochie dancer once upon a time and had probably seen a lot of life. Still a lady. A smart guy can tell.

"Okay. I'll change."

I could a.s.sume he meant his shirt, not his manners, but knew he'd behave himself. The prospect of getting paid in jewels would inspire him to new heights of decorum. Well,his version of it.

"Myhr, gimme the dope again about this problem, with details. When she recovers her sensibilities and comes back I'll need to know what I'm doing."

It was a familiar drill, brief him so he could give the illusion of knowing all and seeing all like the Great and Powerful Oz, impressive to less sophisticated types. Filima would be more difficult to astonish, especially since she dabbled in magic herself. Terrin's problem, not mine.

I recounted what I learned wandering around town, the lunch conversation with Filima, her fainting fit with the mirror, the nasty noise, smells, and signs of recent traffic in the escape tunnel, and the magical energy permeating the late Botello Darmo's Black Room.

"It's strong?" he wanted to know. "How strong?"

"Got all my back fur on end, which is quite a feat. Felt like I was walking under a power line."

"Good, I might be able to use that to recharge."

"Just how bad off are you?"

He shook his head. "Tell me more about her husband."

"You'll have to ask her, I'm sc.r.a.ped out. She won't wanna talk about him, either."

"Now, I wonder why that is?"

"Maybe she's still dealing with the grief thing. Apparently his death was pretty sudden, must have been ashock."

He grunted, visibly thinking, then glared at me. "Hey! What's the idea ofcarrying her out of danger?"

"Hah?"

"When that mirror thing tried to come through and she fainted."

"And I say again, 'hah?' "

"Me you dragged downstairs b.u.t.t last. My a.s.s still hurts.Her youcarried out."

I shrugged. "It's a guy thing."

Filima's mobile buffet corps came in just then, sparing me from listening to more about my shortcomings in the hero department. I was still digesting that big lunch, so Terrin had most of the feast to himself. He was disinclined to leave the bed; I couldn't tell if it had to do with his weakness or if he just enjoyed being waited on so thoroughly. I helped myself to a plate of odds and ends and lots of cold mint tea. There was booze available, but I was more interested in losing my thirst than gaining a buzz. Terrin had half a gla.s.s of something that might have been related to rum and paced himself, making it last through his meal. Very out of character. I'd seen him drain whole bottles of the stuff in one chug.

He wasn't all that hungry, either. Whenever magic was involved he tended to gorge to keep up with its physical demands. So as not to be accused of fussing again-Inever fuss, I just show concern and make helpful suggestions-I didn't ask why his appet.i.te was down, but signed to the servers to keep the plates coming. He nibbled lightly, flirting with the girls. A trickle of his usual ruddy color returned, but he wasn't back to his version of healthy yet. I couldn't specifically identify what was nagging me about him, only that my back fur was saluting and on the march again. This world was giving it one heck of a workout.

I asked after Filima, but her people couldn't say if she planned to return anytime soon. Terrin seemed to be all right for the moment, so I went to my room to decompress. My clothes and the body that held them up were grubby from running through secret escape tunnels and being squashed down behind radish carts. My favorite shirt was starting to look like one of Terrin's Salvation Army discards. I hoped Shankey had been serious about someone doing my laundry.

The bathtub was beyond wonderful, once I figured out how to work the plumbing controls. Hot and cold running water equals paradise. It seemed like pretty sophisticated stuff for this world, about level with the late nineteenth century where I'd come from, which still put it ages ahead of Clem's Place.

Luxuries like this were rare, so I went all out and filled it up, planning to soak myself into an advanced state of pruney-ness.

I was up to my neck in steaming hot water, even dozing a little when the door to my suite opened. A ceiling-high tapestry that ran all around the tub to protect bathers from drafts and peeping toms also prevented me from glowering at the intruder. With my yellow eyes I had glower down to a fine art. It was probably one of the servants with towels or something. I'm not overly modest, but everyone has a limit, and when I'm in the tub I want to be alone. Unless it was Filima.She would get my best welcoming smile.

What a fantasy: Filima in her oochie-coochie outfit wafting in to gently draw aside the tapestry to smile down at me. Then she'd do a spin or three around the tub, shedding bits of silk until there was nothing left to shed, ending her dance by diving in with me. We had room for all kinds of possibilities in this thing. She sure had a heavy walk, though. How could her little dancing slippers make such a clumping? Unless she was in some kind of military storm trooper get-up. Hmm, jackboots and black leather . . . ohhh, baby . . .

The tapestry wasn't gently drawn so much as yanked back.

By Captain Shankey.

We both gave yelps of horrified surprise.

"Hey! A little privacy!" I snapped.

"Ee-yuh! Get a towel for gawd's sake!" He retreated, letting the tapestry fall into place. Then he started laughing.

"What's so d.a.m.n funny?" The water was opaque with soap. What the h.e.l.l had he seen?

"Y-you look like a drowned cat!"

"No s.h.i.t." If that was his idea of hilarity he needed to get out more. "Why are you here?"

"Came looking for you."

"Can't it wait? I'm kinda involved."

"Yeah, I noticed that."

I checked the water again. It wasn't as opaque as I thought. "What do you want?"

"To know why you told my lady you weren't a wizard."

"Because it's the truth."

"But you made that noise go away in the tunnel."

"Anyone can throw a lantern." I felt like throwing one now.

"You knew how to find the secret chamber."

"I'm sensitive to magic, doesn't mean I can do it."

"And you know about love spells."

"Learned that by osmosis."

"Huh?"

"Hanging around with Terrin. Back where we came from he had a nice little magical supply shop. I helped out and picked up a few of the basics. You want any magic done you gotta go to him. Just don't expect much. He's wrecked." Shankey made a disappointed sound. "You can't do a choglat asdek love spell?"

What the h.e.l.l was a-oh. "Ahhh . . . no. Don't have the ingredients or the skill." I started to launch into the reason why love spells are a bad idea with or without chocolate or Aztecs, then gave up as a waste of effort. I wanted some peace and quiet and maybe a nap on that huge guest bed. If I was lucky I would dream about Filima. Minus mood-destroying interruptions.

"Can your wizard friend do a love spell?" he asked.

"Maybe, when he's in shape, which he ain't. What's with the obsessing on romance? I thought you had a thing going with the cook."

"Not for me!I don't need help there!" He was insulted. "It's for my lady."

"Debreban mentioned he wanted to put his boss together with your boss."

"We need a plan. We planned to make a plan, and with you turning up like you did it struck me that the gawds really want those two together."

How he arrived at that conclusion was not my concern. "The main hitch being I don't do magic and the ones who can are low on power or have vanished. I think you should wait until this h.e.l.l-river mess is cleared up andthen make a start on leisure-time activities."

A heavy, heartfelt sigh. It made the tapestry flutter. "Oh, okay. That might be awhile, though."

"Where'd Filima get to?" I asked, wanting a change of topic.

"My lady went to her suite. She dresses for dinner about this time, even when we don't have company."

"But you do have company. Me and Terrin."

"Oh. Yeah." He wasn't too committed to the idea.

"Or are we not company? Are we guests or hired hands?"

"Both, I think. Hard to tell with her these days. She's been a bit . . . eccentric ever since his lordship died, then everyone's gone crazy with this h.e.l.l-river thing. Everyone with Talent, that is."

"You ever see it? The h.e.l.l-river?"

He snorted. "No. Glad I can't; I got enough to worry about."

"How many people know about it?"

"Hard to say. The Talents know and probably their families and so on, but the ordinary folk in the city don't pay much attention to the rumors. Some don't like the curfew, of course, but most would be in bed by dark anyway."

"How can a curfew be enforced if everyone's in bed?"

"The overduke has his guard out on patrols, and some volunteers with Talent are on the watch throughthe night in protected areas to keep an eye on the river. They're scared, though. Don't need to see a h.e.l.l-river to notice that. When I first heard of it I thought it was a strange joke, but some of my friends in the other house guards tell me otherwise. They say it's real, and if that many people say it's real, then it must be. I just want it to go away so things get back to normal."

No argument there, even if I didn't know what normal was in this world. Probably the same as it was now, but with a lot more wizards and minus the h.e.l.l-river. Terrin and I would have to find out what the connection was between it and Filima's dead husband. I didn't believe in coincidence, especially where magic was concerned. Botello dies and the h.e.l.l-river changes its course. Could one man, all on his own in a bas.e.m.e.nt workshop, swing so much power? It seemed a pretty steep order. Even Terrin didn't have that kind of magical clout. Or if he did, he'd not mentioned it.

"Did Filima love her husband very much?"

"What do you mean by that?" Shankey sounded like I'd touched a sore spot.

"Nothing bad, she just seemed to have adjusted pretty fast to his loss, and with you and Debreban trying to get her married off so soon after the funeral . . ."

"Oh. That's all Lord Cadmus's doings. He's the one who's anxious to snag her. He's got money problems and wants to put himself forward first before some other fellow pushes in. From what Debreban tells me Lord Cadmus really does like her, it just turns out to be a good thing for him that she's wealthy, too. She might learn to like him back if she gave him half a chance."

I grunted, not wanting to get involved in the local soap opera. "What was Lord Botello Darmo like?"

A long silence.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Him being dead and all I suppose it's safe to say he wasn't that easy a man. Stern he was, short temper.

He had a soft spot for my lady, though, seemed to treat her well. She could make him laugh, but in the last year he got more and more interested in magic. His last months he was always working on it. Didn't leave much room for her."

What an idiot. If I had a babe like Filima to myself I sure wouldn't be wasting time on magic. "How did they meet?"

"He went to a circus and saw her dancing. That was enough to decide him. His lordship was the sort to go after whatever he wanted and get it, and Lady Filima was no exception."

"Did she want him back?"

"It seemed so. She's very smart, studied up on how to be a proper lady so she'd do him proud. They got along as well as any and better than most. They had fights like any couple, drifted apart like any couple.