Adventures in Toyland Part 6

"My men and I really command the whole shop," said the Officer one day.

"Moreover, who faces one, faces all, for we all march in the same direction. We not only have our good swords, but we know how to use them. They are sheathed now, but let no one count upon that to offend us. Let but a foolhardy toy dare insult us, and--" here he gave the word of command, and instantly a dozen and one swords sprang from their scabbards.

The lady Dolls shrieked, the Grocer and the Butcher began to put up their shutters with trembling hands; the white, furry Rabbit became a shade whiter; and the corners of the Clown's mouth dropped instead of going up as usual. It was plain that a general panic was felt.

The only Toy that did not appear to be affected was the great gray Elephant lately arrived. He twisted his trunk round thoughtfully, but never changed countenance.

The Officer saw the general terror he had inspired, and both he and his Soldiers were well pleased.

"Besides," he continued, speaking more loudly than before, "if our swords fail us we shall have recourse to gunpowder, which will make short work of our enemies."

The Elephant looked at the Officer and his men.

"I don't see it," he said bluntly.

"I didn't suppose you would," said the Officer scornfully. "Don't speak in such a hurry. The powder I'm speaking of is felt but not seen. It's our last improvement, arrived at by slow degrees. Gunpowder,--smokeless gunpowder,--soundless gunpowder,--invisible gunpowder. Thus we may surround an enemy with enough gunpowder to blow up a town, but they neither see it nor hear it. In fact, they know nothing about it until they are blown up."

This time all the Toys nearly expired with fright! The Elephant only remained, as before, unmoved.

"Invisible gunpowder is more humane in the end," the Officer continued.

"You are quite unaware of what is happening until you find yourself in pieces."

"The same thing may happen to yourself, I suppose?" asked the Elephant, in his heavy and clumsy fashion.

"Beg pardon; did anyone speak?" inquired the Officer in the most insulting of voices. For he despised the Elephant and wished to snub him.

"I asked you if the same might not happen to yourself?" the Elephant repeated, regardless of the Officer's attempt to make him appear foolish. "What if the enemy serves you the same way?"

"That difficulty, my good beast," he answered in his most overbearing manner, "is easily disposed of. We have special Soldiers trained to _smell_ gunpowder. We have merely to send out these scouts, and we can trace the gunpowder anywhere within gunshot."

"I don't believe it," said the Elephant.

The Officer at this laughed a grim laugh, truly awful to hear.

"Ha, Ha!" he exclaimed; "do not provoke me too far lest I slay you with my sword. I'm a man of sport, and to do the act would cause me no little diversion. Beware!"

The Elephant made no reply, which induced the Officer to think he had frightened him.

"A great clumsy beast of no spirit," he said to his Soldiers.

"Right, sir," answered the Soldiers.

"Now to drill," he continued sharply. "Attention! Eyes right, eyes left; right movement, left movement; swords out, swords in!

Mark--_time_!"

This last command they were obliged to obey with their heads, their feet being tightly gummed on to the platform. So tightly gummed that they could not get free even when Mortals were not present, and all the Toys were at liberty to speak, walk, and talk. Indeed, nothing but a strong blow could possibly loosen them from their position.

Therefore, when they marched or even took a simple walk they were obliged to march or walk in a body, taking the platform with them.

Again, if the Commanding-officer granted leave of absence to one, he was obliged to grant it to all, even to himself, otherwise no one could have taken it.

"Come," said the Officer to the Elephant one day, "you are a bright beast. Let me propound you a mathematical problem. If a herring and a half cost three halfpence, how much would six herrings cost?"

"Just as much as they ought to, if you went to an honest fishmonger,"

answered the Elephant.

The Officer and his men laughed loudly.

"Capital, capital!" said the bully. "If you distinguish yourself in this way we shall have to make you Mathematical Instructor-in-General to the whole army."

But the Elephant made no reply.

"That's the thickest-skinned animal I ever met," said the Officer to his men.

But herein he made a mistake. The Elephant never forgot an insult, but paid it back upon the first opportunity.

The opportunity, in this case, was not long in arriving; it came, indeed, all too soon for the Officer's taste.

It occurred in this way.

One day a little boy came into the shop and asked to look at some soldiers, upon which the shopwoman showed him the wooden warriors.

"No, I don't like them," he said; "they have to move all the same way at once. It is very stupid of them. Have you no others?"

"Not just at the moment," replied the shopwoman. "We are expecting some more. They should have been here several days ago."

"Then I'll take a train," said the boy. "But it is very funny that you should have such a poor lot of soldiers as these."

"That silly remark will make the Toys less afraid of us," thought the Officer to himself with some alarm. "I shall make the men practise sword-drill in the most open fashion for several hours. This will remind the world that we are not to be trifled with."

But it is one thing to make a resolution and quite another thing to carry it into effect. This the Officer was to experience ere the day was over.

For in putting the Soldiers back into their place the shopwoman happened to hit the Officer with some force against a dolls' house. Being a very hard blow it knocked him off the platform, and, unnoticed by her, he fell on his back upon the counter.

Now came the time for the Elephant's revenge. _The Officer fell just under the animal's trunk!_

It was, as the Officer at once realized, by no means a pleasant situation. As his men were some yards away from him, and unable to come in a body to his rescue till perhaps too late, the Officer was exceedingly uneasy.

"I had better soothe the monster," he said to himself. Then aloud, and in a pleasant voice: "What a nice handy trunk that is of yours; you must be able to carry so much in it? As for me, I have to travel with a portmanteau, a Gladstone-bag, a hat-box, and a gun-case; it is a terrible nuisance."

He paused, but the Elephant made no reply.

"This is not very pleasant," said the Officer uneasily to himself. "I fear the beast is of a sulky temper. What _will_ happen to me?"

And he lay still, trembling and fearful.

At last the day closed in, the Mortals shut up the shop and left, and the time of the Toys arrived.

The Elephant then addressed the Officer in a slow voice and ponderous manner.

"I feel inclined to trample on you," he remarked.