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Her heart was pounding, and she wanted to run. But she couldn't move. She couldn't even look away.
Suddenly, as if sensing her stare, Garrett looked her way. His eyes locked on hers, and in that instant she felt like she could read every thought in them. A second went by, two, three, and eight years vanished. Sounds and colors blurred and for one mad moment she stood poised, ready to rush to him. The dark pull was still there, as strong as ever.
She felt Clark's fingers on her arm, a gentle tug back to reality. And then she saw Enid Atherton appear at Garrett's side and slip her arm through his. A second later, another woman appeared. She was blond, pretty, and very young. She took Garrett's other arm but Garrett didn't look at her. He was still looking at Kellen.
Clark was saying something but Kellen ignored him. Without taking her eyes off Garrett, she took a deep breath and went toward him. Garrett watched her approach.
Enid saw her and intervened. "Why, Kellen, dear," she said, with a smile. "It's been so long since I've seen you."
A few people turned to watch. Enid was very old and frail, but she still commanded respect as the social high priestess.
"I get out so seldom these days," Enid went on, "only on the most special of occasions." She smiled up at Garrett. "And this is certainly one."
"You're looking well, Enid," Kellen said. She looked at Garrett, waiting for him to speak. But he just continued to stare at her. "Garrett, it's been a long time," she said evenly.
"You look as beautiful as ever," he said.
Enid's glance went from Kellen to Garrett. "Kellen, I don't think you know my granddaughter Amy," she said, gesturing toward the blond. Kellen and the girl exchanged polite greetings. "Amy will be starting UCLA soon," Enid said. "She wants to go to New York and be a television journalist. What ideas children have today."
"Granny Enid," the girl said with a sigh.
"It's a hard profession to break into," Kellen said. Her eyes drifted down to the girl's hand resting on Garrett's arm, but she quickly looked up into Garrett's eyes.
A few more people had sidled up to their half-circle and Kellen felt their eyes on her. "Are you staying in town long?" she asked Garrett.
"I expect to," he said.
"This must be quite a change after living in New York for so long," she said. She was amazed to hear her own voice, so cool and neutral.
"A welcome change," Garrett said. "I don't like New York, really. I feel more at home on the West Coast."
A black-and-white collage of faces pressed closer, people holding drinks, their eyes expectant. Clark was now standing at her side. She tried to think of something to say that would provide a graceful exit but her mind was a sudden blank.
At that moment, Ian edged up to Garrett's side, with Lilith close behind. Kellen watched as Ian greeted Garrett in a familiar manner that made it clear that he had been in touch with him recently.
I was right, she thought. Garrett is trying to cut a deal with Ian.
Lilith peered at Kellen. "What a stunning necklace," she said, her eyes narrowing on the stones. Lilith had heard the story behind the necklace's origin and had always secretly coveted it. She wagged a finger in Kellen's face. "You're not supposed to wear any color tonight."
Kellen was suddenly aware of someone standing close behind her. She turned and saw Stephen staring at Garrett. She realized then that they had never met each other, yet an introduction now seemed absurd.
"It isn't fair," Lilith said, "for you to wear that necklace when the rest of us must make do with plain old diamonds." She glanced around looking for sympathy and caught Garrett's eye. "It's not fair, is it, Garrett?"
Garrett's eyes were focused on Stephen's hand, now placed lightly around Kellen's waist.
"No, it's not fair at all," he said.
As his eyes held hers Kellen felt her face grow warm. He still wants me, she thought. And after all this time, I still want him. She felt Stephen's hand slip from her waist.
And Stephen knows, she thought. He feels it, and he knows.
Stephen extended his hand to Garrett. "I don't think we've ever met," he said. "I'm Stephen Hillman, Kellen's husband." The men stared at each other for a moment then Garrett shook his hand.
"Mother, don't you have something to ask Kellen?" Ian said.
Everyone's attention shifted to Lilith, who smiled, aware of the ears listening. "Kellen, dear," Lilith said, "I'd like you to come to dinner tomorrow night. Garrett will be our guest. And Stephen, you'll come, too, of course."
Kellen looked at Ian, who stared at her with a small smile as he swirled his ice in his gla.s.s.
"We're busy, Lilith," she said.
"We have some things to discuss, Kellen," Ian said. "Just some business. Mother and I just thought it would pleasant to get the family together for a nice dinner."
"Some other time," Stephen said.
Kellen knew what Ian was doing. He was playing one of his mind games and this time squarely in the public eye. He was staging a little melodrama to embarra.s.s her and Stephen in front of those who certainly remembered what had gone on between her and Garrett eight years ago.
Stephen turned to her. "Kellen, I think we should go. The children --"
"Yes," she said quickly.
Stephen paused then nodded to Garrett. "It's good to finally meet you, Mr. Richardson," he said.
"After all these years," Garrett said.
Kellen extended her hand to Garrett. His hand was warm, holding hers firmly. "Enjoy your stay," she said.
"I will, Mrs. Hillman, thank you," he said.
She pulled her hand away. She turned to Stephen and slipped her arm through his. The crowd parted slightly to let them through then closed again with a soft murmur.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX.
Garrett was sitting at the table near the window, his beer untouched. Louis's restaurant, perched above the rocky sh.o.r.e at Point Lobos, offered a prime view for sunset watchers but Garrett was oblivious to the scenery. His eyes were focused on the door, and when he saw the figure in a raincoat and hat enter, he rose.
"I didn't think you were coming," he said.
Kellen glanced around the crowded bar. "Please, let's go outside."
Despite the rainy weather, the area outside teemed with people milling around the tour buses in front of the nearby Cliff House and peering through binoculars at the colony of seals on the rocks offsh.o.r.e. Kellen looked at Garrett then started down a steep path that led away from the crowd, down to a large flat cove below. They made their way through some old stone formations, across weather-beaten ramparts and ruined pathways. They went by several large rectangular stone pools of brackish green water, pa.s.sing under the gaze of big gray gulls sitting like gargoyles on the rocks.
There was an eerie feel to the place, like that of an old shrine. The place was called the Sutro Baths, and in the late 1880s it had been a huge, festive public bathhouse. Now it was just ruins, and what was left was being slowly reclaimed by the sea and air.
Kellen went through a stone archway, and Garrett ducked his head to follow. They emerged on a small stone balcony, exposed to the wind and the surf crashing on the rocks far below.
"I didn't want to be seen," Kellen said.
"I understand," Garrett said.
Kellen stood, looking at him intently for a long time then slowly shook her head. "I feel like I should be able to talk to you but I can't."
"Then why did you agree to see me?"
She looked away. "I don't know."
A sudden gust caught Kellen's hat, sending it flying toward the railing. Garrett lunged for it but couldn't catch it in time. He looked back at Kellen. She reached up to brush back her hair, which was tied back in a haphazard ponytail.
"You look like a young girl," Garrett said. "You haven't changed at all."
"Yes I have. I have two children now," she said. "A boy and a girl."
"Ben and Sara," Garrett said. "Enid told me."
"What else did she tell you?"
"That you recently went back to working at the newspaper with your husband. She sees that as a bit...a bit strange and she wishes you would come back to the opera guild."
Kellen searched Garrett's face for ridicule but there was none. Neither was there any hint that he knew Sara was his child. When he had called yesterday asking to see her she had thought that Sara was the reason, that he had somehow found out about her. In the three days since the ball, she had thought often about what would happen if Garrett found out the truth.
She and Stephen had managed to live with the secret. But now, with Garrett back, it was threatening to move beyond her and Stephen. She didn't care for herself but she couldn't bear to see Sara hurt. So she had come today to beg for Garrett's understanding and discretion.
But apparently he didn't know. She was flooded with relief but it didn't make it easier to face him.
"Enid's a busybody," Kellen said. She stuck her hands in her pockets. "Her niece is very pretty."
"Amy? She's just a kid." For the first time, Garrett smiled, a slight self-deprecating smile. "I think she has a crush on me. It makes me feel very old."
Kellen reached up to wipe her damp hair off her face. "It's getting late," she said. "I have to go soon."
Garrett's somber expression reminded her so much of Sara that she had to look away.
"I had to see you," he said. "To tell you something. To tell you that I've never stopped thinking about you. Not once in eight years."
The sound of the seals barking on the far-off rocks carried on the wind, wavering loud then faint. She began to shiver and pulled her coat tighter around her. Never, in all the moments she had thought of him in the last three days, never had she expected those words.
"It's cold," she said. "I've got to go."
Garrett took several steps toward her but stopped when he saw her begin to retreat. "I know why you came back," she said. "It's no different than before. What makes you think it is?"
He looked bewildered. "You think I came back here for the newspapers?" he asked. He shook his head slowly. "Kellen, I don't care about the newspapers anymore."
"Then why did you come?"
He hesitated. "At first, I wasn't sure. I thought that maybe by seeing you one last time I could finally put an end to it. But when I saw you at that party I knew I couldn't. I saw something in your face that told me it wasn't over."
"What is it you want, Garrett?" she asked.
"Another chance," he said.
"I have a husband. I love him," she said.
"Like you love me?" he asked. "Like I still love you?"
She looked away quickly. She had come to see him not knowing what to expect. An apology perhaps, but not this. Not, after all these years, an admission of love.
"Stephen and I have a family," she said. "We have...a history together. You and I never had anything together."
"My G.o.d, how can you say that?" Garrett said. "We had the one thing everyone looks for. We had pa.s.sion, great wonderful pa.s.sion."
"That's not enough for a life together."
"How do you know? We never really had a chance to find out." He paused. "Remember that poem you used to quote to me all the time in Paris, the one about roman candles? That's what we could have had together. A life like that."
She took a step back and felt the rocks against her back. She had forgotten that poem and was shocked that he hadn't.
He reached up and cupped her face in his hands. His lips touched hers and for a spare second she forgot where she was, who she was.
She turned her head away. "Don't," she said.
"Kellen --"
"I can't, Garrett," she said. "I've got too much to lose. You've got no right to ask."
Slowly, his hands dropped and he took a step back. He ran a hand through his wet hair. "You're right," he said. "I guess I expected you would just magically jump into my arms and that we could forget about what happened and start over. Like some old movie." He paused. "I'm a sucker for happy endings, I guess."
He smiled slightly but she just stared at him and his face grew somber. "I won't bother you again," he said. "But I'm going to stay here. At least until I'm sure there's no chance for us. I'll be here, Kellen, if you want me."
She pushed herself away from the rock and edged past him. She pulled the belt of the raincoat tighter and walked away, without looking at Garrett.
She went through the archway and along the pathway between the pools. The rain was coming down harder now and she quickened her pace. At the base of the path leading back up the cliff, she paused to look back. Garrett was still standing there, watching her. She turned and stumbled up the path away from him.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN.
"It's the answer to our problems," Stephen said.
Kellen looked at him from across the desk. It was late and they were sitting in her office. Stephen got up from his chair and began to pace. He turned to face Kellen. "I can't believe you worked this out yourself," he said.