Across The Universe Part 18

I think of a life with Noah-what it would be like. I imagine us on Earth, settling down and creating a family. Then I picture him in bed, old and crippled, cursing me for my endless youth. He hates me for possessing what he can never have. I blink and I am back in the Hall of Beginnings, staring down Elli as she inches toward me.

"Never," I say. "I'd rather die."

The corner of Elli's lip arches up, and a fire alights her eyes. "Then you will," she says, and pounces.

I grab onto her dagger hand, holding it at bay as I struggle against her weight. She forces me back into the corner, pushing the wall into my shoulder blades. With all the strength I have left in me I shove her back. Elli staggers away, her side connecting with the basin and knocking the bowl to the ground, where it shatters into pieces that flip up and slice into her forearms.

I take my opening to span the distance and help Noah to his feet. He weaves back and forth as we head to the door. I tug the k.n.o.b, the hinges creaking as the threshold is revealed. Dragging Noah into the hall, I lean him against the opposite wall and go back to close the door. I'm a moment too late; Elli is already bridging the gap, exiting the room and making her way over to us. The doors lift from their places and begin to whir past us, distracting her for a second, and I'm able to reach Noah and throw his arm around my neck.

We stumble down the hall toward the door that leads into The House. It's far away-a pinp.r.i.c.k in the distance-but it gives me hope. Noah moans and stumbles, tipping me forward as he folds in on himself. The orb shakes loose from my pocket, falling onto the floor and rolling away from us down the hall.

"No!" I scream, staggering toward the crystal ball. The sight of the orb invigorates Elli and she increases her speed, hobbling behind us as we go. I'm only six feet away now-five feet and closing- Gut-wrenching, heartbreaking agony shoots up my back. Flames of pain set me on fire and I topple over sideways, collapsing to the ground. Noah falls next to me, pa.s.sed out cold. My fingers fumble over my heart and come across the cool metal tip of a blade. The knife cuts clean through me, sticking out at an odd angle as I reach my hands behind my back and try to tug the hilt free.

Elli's shrill laughter echoes through the corridor. I drop my hands away and begin to drag myself toward the orb. It's come to rest against the wall several yards away. A trail of silver stains the ground as I inch closer. Finally I am there, reaching out my hand until my fingers wrap weakly around the gla.s.s. Seconds later I feel Elli's foot drive into my back, pinning me to the ground. I turn my head to the side so I can look up at her maniacal face.

"Can't get away from me that easily," Elli says, bending over so that her breath heats my ear.

I groan as her fingers wrap around the hilt of the dagger, yanking it free from my back. I feel muscle and bone shredding as she does so. Fighting against the blackness that encroaches on the edge of my vision, I try to roll over. Elli lets me flop like a fish beneath her so that I rest belly up between her legs.

"You should've accepted my offer, Amara," she continues. "We could've been good together. You and me, like old times, before you chose to be a Watcher instead of an Archiver. But with me you wouldn't have had to choose anything. You could have been whatever you wanted-done whatever pleased you. That's what freedom is."

I cough, and the bitter taste of blood erupts into my mouth. I can feel it coating my teeth, seeping out onto my lips. I am dying and it hurts and I want to be back on Earth, far away from this place, with Noah in my arms as we swim in the mountain spring.

"You're wrong," I say. My voice sounds hoa.r.s.e and far away, as if I'm not the one speaking. "What you're planning isn't how things should go. Universes have a right to rule themselves. I see that now. Don't you?"

Elli tilts her head to the side, bends down, and brushes a lock of blood-soaked hair out of my face. The act is surprisingly loving, like a mother caressing her daughter. "It doesn't matter what's right and what's wrong anymore. Only power is relevant, and I'm the one who has it."

She drops the dagger into her pocket and wraps her hands around mine, using her fingers to pry my palm open. I fight against her but my arms are limp and numb, and it's all too easy for her to take the orb away from me. Holding it up to the light, Elli admires the swirling colors within. The pinks and yellows and blues are reflected in her eyes and cast across her cheeks, making her look hollow and gaunt. I can feel my life draining away as she turns back to me and sneers.

"The House is mine, and so is your life," she says. "Had you surrendered sooner, maybe I'd have let you live. Now you'll die here. It's a shame you won't get to see all that I'll create. Goodbye, Amara."

Then she steps over me and leaves, her footsteps echoing farther and farther away as she trails down the hall. I hear the door slam as she exits and I am on my own, wallowing in a puddle of silver as death threatens to take me over. Noah stirs just as darkness envelops the room, swallowing me whole, and I float into a place void of color and thought.

Elli has killed me, and I let her. All I worked so hard to accomplish is worthless now that she has the orb. I can feel Noah shaking me, trying to rouse me back into the land of the living, but I can't bring myself to open my eyes.

All I want to do is sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Eight.

"Amara; wake up. You've got to wake up!"

Noah's words bring me back to the present. My eyes flutter open and I groan when the pain searing through my abdomen crashes over me. He is shaking me, tapping my cheeks. I lift my hand-my fingers pins and needles numb from blood loss-to his face and stroke his forehead.

"You're still here," I say.

"Where else would I go?" Tears pour from his eyes, turning them bloodshot.

"Elli took the orb and left. We have to go get her." I move to sit up, but he forces me back down again.

"You can't. You're injured. Amara-it's bad. Really bad. There's a lot of blood."

"All the more reason to go back into The House. We have to find Nim and return to Earth. I can get help there."

He frowns, his lips quivering as he a.s.sesses his options. His eyes fall to the wound gouged through my flesh, just below my heart. The expression taking over his face says what he doesn't want to voice aloud: You won't make it long enough to get to Earth. You might not even make it out of The House at all.

"It's not as bad as it looks," I say, gritting my teeth against the pain. And then when he doesn't make a move I add, "If you're not going to try and get me to the Watch Room, fine. But you can't stay here waiting for me to die. I won't let you."

Finally he helps me stand, letting me lean against his side as he drags me down the hall. All the while he keeps one hand on my stab wound, hoping to stay the flow of blood.

We leave the Hall of Beginnings, exiting back out into The House. The marble corridors are bright and blinding in contrast to the polished hemat.i.te we just left behind. The world spins before me, tilting left and right with every step. I have to stop and rest twice before Noah picks me up and swings my legs over his arms, cradling me close to his chest while he marches on.

After what feels like hours, we reach the hallway that holds the Storage Room. The corridor is still littered with bodies, and up until now the air is silent-that is, until Elli's voice interrupts our journey.

"They're already reforming into new universes," she says, her voice drifting out of the chamber filled with drawers.

Noah sets me down carefully, leaning me against the wall so that I can peek in through a crack in the door. Elli stands in the center of the room with Harbingers surrounding her in a reverent circle. She nudges the orbs rolling around the floor with her big toe, kicking them across the room until they pinwheel off the walls. Inside the gla.s.s of each crystal ball, a pinp.r.i.c.k of black expands into a burst of colors marking galaxies and planets.

"We'll have to keep destroying them-every last one-until they stop regenerating. I can only rule over a handful at a time on my own. Unless you fellows know of a way to destroy the orbs themselves?" Elli surveys the Harbingers hopefully, but the cloaked figures don't reply. She sighs, bends down, and picks up one of the orbs. Rotating it around in her palm, she admires the eruption of stars and spinning solar systems within before tossing it through the air.

One of the Harbingers reaches out with a skeletal hand and catches the crystal ball. Its fingers leave slimy back smudges on the gla.s.s. Elli raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms over her chest. "Well, then, what are you waiting for? Get to work!" she snaps.

The Harbingers obediently transform into smoke. Each one rockets into an orb. The one being held clacks to the floor after its keeper vanishes into its depths, rolling across the room until Elli stops it with her foot.

"We have to get to the Watch Room," I whisper, tugging on Noah's sleeve. He takes my hand and we pad silently down the hall. I don't breathe again until we're clear of Elli. Once we reach our destination Noah tries the door. I hear a grunt coming from the other side as Nim struggles to push her weight against the frame. I clutch my stomach and lean my forehead against the wood, my voice sounding distant as I speak. "Nim! It's us!"

The m.u.f.fled sound of shuffling echoes out and then the door opens to permit us entry. Nim sits on the floor, her torso twisted around so she can grab onto the handle and pull. When she sees me she gasps and covers her mouth, tears spilling down her cheeks. I slide down the wall to sit beside her as Noah closes the door and stands against the frame.

"What happened, Amara?" Nim asks.

I struggle to answer through a series of coughs that bring up the bitter taste of blood. "Elli. She has the mystical energy source. She took it from me after attacking us both."

"Both of you need to come with me back to Earth," Noah says. "We can get Amara help there."

"No," I reply sharply. Both Noah and Nim shoot me looks of alarm. I sigh, cough up more blood, and do my best to explain my true motive. "I'm not going with you. I have to stay here and finish what we started. I need to stop Elli before she comes in here and destroys my universe. She's already done in almost all the others; it's only a matter of time before she comes for this one." I point to the clear basin where my orb floats.

Noah kneels down beside me, grabbing me by the shoulders. "You're talking nonsense. You know you can't stay here. It's a death sentence. You'll die long before you get to Elli."

"Maybe," I say, trying for a half smile but only managing a grimace. "Or maybe not. The truth is-and we both know this, so don't try to second-guess me-I'll probably die either way. I won't make it to Earth before I bleed out. At least this way, my death matters."

"No," Noah hisses. "You're meant to come home with me. I don't have anyone anymore but you. We can start a life together, just like I've always suggested. Maybe Elli will forget this room-your universe-and just let us be."

I squeeze his hand, but the sensation of his skin on mine barely registers through the tingling in my fingers. In a small voice, I tell him what he doesn't want to hear. "It won't work. I'm eternal, Noah. You're mortal. You'll age, grow old, die. I'll be the person to deny you a family. And all of that is only if Elli forgets the one universe where those who can defeat her have gone to hide."

Noah leans his head against my shoulder. "No. No; I won't accept it. We have a chance. There's always a chance."

I turn to Nim, desperation invading my tone. "This is how it was always supposed to go. I defeat Elli, no matter what it takes. My life-my love-doesn't matter. Only my universe does. That's what The House trained me for, right? To put my world before everything else."

Nim nods, a sob wracking her lungs. "Yes," she says. "But it's more than that. All the universes depend on you. But what are you planning on doing to stop her? You can barely walk."

"I have an idea," I say, "but The House won't withstand the outcome. That's why you need to take Noah away from here, Nim. If you stay you'll both be destroyed. The universes will live through it-at least, that's what the first Seer told me. So as long as you're on Earth you'll be spared."

Nim grabs my hand so hard that the pressure of her palm sears into mine. "I am proud of you, Amara, Watcher of The House."

"Yes, Nim," I reply, and smile.

She turns to Noah, gently pulling him away from me. "We've got to go," she says. "Amara's right. You'll need to lift me up and bring me over to the basin, but once I'm smoke I can transport us both."

"I won't leave her!" Noah shouts. He rips away from Nim, pacing the room. "This isn't right. It's not fair. You'll die without me; don't you know that?"

"I love you," I choke out. "And if you love me, you'll let me do this. Noah-we were never meant to be. We're a snapshot in time, and you have so many more to come. Don't make a choice that'll rob you of that."

He stops, takes a long stretch to stare into my eyes, and then inclines his head once to his chest so I know he's given in. Bending down, he presses his lips to mine, and my pain is gone. It's inconsequential to what I've built with the boy I found on a little blue planet, billions of light years past other galaxies and stars. And then he pulls away and I am left with an emptiness I never knew I could feel.

"Go," I say. "Go before I change my mind."

Noah helps Nim to her feet. She clings to him as they hobble over to the basin. She closes her eyes and both of them begin to morph into smoke-him blue, her gray. As Noah's face fades into mist, he smiles through his tears and leaves me with his parting words.

"I won't forget you, Amara. Never."

And then they are gone, flying into the orb through an endless blanket of stars that I picture as I close my eyes and squeeze out the last of my tears.

I won't forget you, Amara. Never.

But one day, I know he will. He'll find someone else and build a life far away from The House and the Harbingers and Elli. And despite my longing for his lips against mine, I want him to.

Staggering to my feet, I focus hard on my goal. It's not easy through the pain and dizziness overcoming me. I cough splatters of silver across the floor as I transform into a cloud of gray and rocket under the door, through the halls of The House. When I come to the Storage Room I cling to the ceiling, staring down at Elli as she stands in front of the drawers and waits for her Harbingers to return.

I come at her too quickly for her to react. Shooting into her pocket, I swirl my form around the orb she stole from the Hall of Beginnings. The colored light boiling within sends sparks through my gray smoke as I curl around it. Then I am solid again, standing next to Elli with the mystical energy clutched tight in my fist.

She turns to me and lets loose a wail of anger, but I dodge from her grasp and hobble out the door. I funnel my remaining energy into getting away, moving farther past the halls and walls and doors surrounding me. And then I am in the lobby where Dena's funeral was held, stumbling over dead bodies blocking my path. Elli is behind me, the light framing her head turning her tangled mane into a grotesque halo.

I stand on one end of the room, backed into the short hall on the opposite end. Between us is a pile of corpses, stacked up and stinking and dripping with silver. The orb of energy dangles in my hand as I stumble against the wall, clutching onto the marble for support.

"I didn't expect you to survive so long," Elli says, weaving carefully through the landmines of fallen House members.

"I didn't expect you to be a traitor," I snap back.

She stops, eyeing me up and down with a conflicted gaze. "You've taken something of mine.

"Have I?" I hold up the orb between my thumb and forefinger, letting the light within reflect across my neck and arms. "I suppose you've got to come and get it, then."

Elli charges, just like I expect her to. I dive back into the door behind me, wrenching it open. A piercing silence fills the room, sucking me toward the threshold just as Elli collides with my side. Then we are tumbling back into the blackness of the void, her nails clawing desperately for the orb I clutch in my fist. She never gets to reach it; she never gets to say any final words. We are lost now in an emptiness that rips me apart atom by atom, molecule by molecule. Elli blinks out of existence before my eyes, and I go with her into the endless abyss beyond.

But I do not simply end as I expect to. My life is not undone. Instead I am scattered everywhere, in everything. I watch as The House vanishes and the universes held within its walls scatter into the vast expanse of black and float there, growing ever brighter. I watch as worlds are created and life grows and then dwindles.

I watch Noah grow old, and Nim stay the same. I watch him raise a family and love them and die. I see all of the galaxies in all of the universes and so, so much more.

And this is what I do until the end of time itself, as I was chosen to do at the beginning of mine.

I watch.

end.