''Abe'' Lincoln's Yarns and Stories Part 11

Years after the postoffice had been discontinued and Lincoln had become a practicing lawyer at Springfield, an agent of the Postoffice Department entered his office and inquired if Abraham Lincoln was within. Lincoln responded to his name, and was informed that the agent had called to collect the balance due the Department since the discontinuance of the New Salem office.

A shade of perplexity pa.s.sed over Lincoln's face, which did not escape the notice of friends present. One of them said at once: "Lincoln, if you are in want of money, let us help you."

He made no reply, but suddenly rose, and pulled out from a pile of books a little old trunk, and, returning to the table, asked the agent how much the amount of his debt was.

The sum was named, and then Lincoln opened the trunk, pulled out a little package of coin wrapped in a cotton rag, and counted out the exact sum, amounting to more than seventeen dollars.

After the agent had left the room, he remarked quietly that he had never used any man's money but his own. Although this sum had been in his hands during all those years, he had never regarded it as available, even for any temporary use of his own.

WELCOMED THE LITTLE GIRLS.

At a Sat.u.r.day afternoon reception at the White House, many persons noticed three little girls, poorly dressed, the children of some mechanic or laboring man, who had followed the visitors into the White House to gratify their curiosity. They pa.s.sed around from room to room, and were hastening through the reception-room, with some trepidation, when the President called to them: "Little girls, are you going to pa.s.s me without shaking hands?"

Then he bent his tall, awkward form down, and shook each little girl warmly by the hand. Everybody in the apartment was spellbound by the incident, so simple in itself.

"DON'T SWAP HORSES"

Uncle Sam was pretty well satisfied with his horse, "Old Abe," and, as shown at the Presidential election of 1864, made up his mind to keep him, and not "swap" the tried and true animal for a strange one. "Harper's Weekly" of November 12th, 1864, had a cartoon which ill.u.s.trated how the people of the United States felt about the matter better than anything published at the time. We reproduce it on this page. Beneath the picture was this text: JOHN BULL: "Why don't you ride the other horse a bit? He's the best animal." (Pointing to McClellan in the bushes at the rear.) BROTHER JONATHAN: "Well, that may be; but the fact is, OLD ABE is just where I can put my finger on him; and as for the other--though they say he's some when out in the scrub yonder--I never know where to find him."

MOST VALUABLE POLITICAL ATTRIBUTE.

"One time I remember I asked Mr. Lincoln what attribute he considered most valuable to the successful politician," said Captain T. W. S. Kidd, of Springfield.

"He laid his hand on my shoulder and said, very earnestly: "'To be able to raise a cause which shall produce an effect, and then fight the effect.'

"The more you think about it, the more profound does it become."

"ABE" RESENTED THE INSULT.

A cashiered officer, seeking to be restored through the power of the executive, became insolent, because the President, who believed the man guilty, would not accede to his repeated requests, at last said, "Well, Mr. President, I see you are fully determined not to do me justice!"

This was too aggravating even for Mr. Lincoln; rising he suddenly seized the disgraced officer by the coat collar, and marched him forcibly to the door, saying as he ejected him into the pa.s.sage: "Sir, I give you fair warning never to show your face in this room again. I can bear censure, but not insult. I never wish to see your face again."

ONE MAN ISN'T MISSED.

Salmon P. Chase, when Secretary of the Treasury, had a disagreement with other members of the Cabinet, and resigned.

The President was urged not to accept it, as "Secretary Chase is to-day a national necessity," his advisers said.

"How mistaken you are!" Lincoln quietly observed. "Yet it is not strange; I used to have similar notions. No! If we should all be turned out to-morrow, and could come back here in a week, we should find our places filled by a lot of fellows doing just as well as we did, and in many instances better.

"Now, this reminds me of what the Irishman said. His verdict was that 'in this country one man is as good as another; and, for the matter of that, very often a great deal better.' No; this Government does not depend upon the life of any man."

"STRETCHED THE FACTS."

George B. Lincoln, a prominent merchant of Brooklyn, was traveling through the West in 1855-56, and found himself one night in a town on the Illinois River, by the name of Naples. The only tavern of the place had evidently been constructed with reference to business on a small scale. Poor as the prospect seemed, Mr. Lincoln had no alternative but to put up at the place.

The supper-room was also used as a lodging-room. Mr. Lincoln told his host that he thought he would "go to bed."

"Bed!" echoed the landlord. "There is no bed for you in this house unless you sleep with that man yonder. He has the only one we have to spare."

"Well," returned Mr. Lincoln, "the gentleman has possession, and perhaps would not like a bed-fellow."

Upon this a grizzly head appeared out of the pillows, and said: "What is your name?"

"They call me Lincoln at home," was the reply.

"Lincoln!" repeated the stranger; "any connection of our Illinois Abraham?"

"No," replied Mr. Lincoln. "I fear not."

"Well," said the old gentleman, "I will let any man by the name of 'Lincoln' sleep with me, just for the sake of the name. You have heard of Abe?" he inquired.

"Oh, yes, very often," replied Mr. Lincoln. "No man could travel far in this State without hearing of him, and I would be very glad to claim connection if I could do so honestly."

"Well," said the old gentleman, "my name is Simmons. 'Abe' and I used to live and work together when young men. Many a job of woodcutting and rail-splitting have I done up with him. Abe Lincoln was the likeliest boy in G.o.d's world. He would work all day as hard as any of us and study by firelight in the log-house half the night; and in this way he made himself a thorough, practical surveyor. Once, during those days, I was in the upper part of the State, and I met General Ewing, whom President Jackson had sent to the Northwest to make surveys. I told him about Abe Lincoln, what a student he was, and that I wanted he should give him a job. He looked over his memorandum, and, holding out a paper, said: "'There is County must be surveyed; if your friend can do the work properly, I shall be glad to have him undertake it--the compensation will be six hundred dollars.'

"Pleased as I could be, I hastened to Abe, after I got home, with an account of what I had secured for him. He was sitting before the fire in the log-cabin when I told him; and what do you think was his answer? When I finished, he looked up very quietly, and said: "'Mr. Simmons, I thank you very sincerely for your kindness, but I don't think I will undertake the job.'

"'In the name of wonder,' said I, 'why? Six hundred does not grow upon every bush out here in Illinois.'

"'I know that,' said Abe, 'and I need the money bad enough, Simmons, as you know; but I have never been under obligation to a Democratic Administration, and I never intend to be so long as I can get my living another way. General Ewing must find another man to do his work.'"

A friend related this story to the President one day, and asked him if it were true.

"Pollard Simmons!" said Lincoln. "Well do I remember him. It is correct about our working together, but the old man must have stretched the facts somewhat about the survey of the county. I think I should have been very glad of the job at the time, no matter what Administration was in power."

IT LENGTHENED THE WAR.

President Lincoln said, long before the National political campaign of 1864 had opened: "If the unworthy ambition of politicians and the jealousy that exists in the army could be repressed, and all unite in a common aim and a common endeavor, the rebellion would soon be crushed."

HIS THEORY OF THE REBELLION.

The President once explained to a friend the theory of the Rebellion by the aid of the maps before him.

Running his long fore-finger down the map, he stopped at Virginia.

"We must drive them away from here" (Mana.s.sas Gap), he said, "and clear them out of this part of the State so that they cannot threaten us here (Washington) and get into Maryland.

"We must keep up a good and thorough blockade of their ports. We must march an army into East Tennessee and liberate the Union sentiment there. Finally we must rely on the people growing tired and saying to their leaders, 'We have had enough of this thing, we will bear it no longer.'"

Such was President Lincoln's plan for heading off the Rebellion in the summer of 1861. How it enlarged as the War progressed, from a call for seventy thousand volunteers to one for five hundred thousand men and $500,000,000 is a matter of well-known history.

RAN AWAY WHEN VICTORIOUS.

Three or four days after the battle of Bull Run, some gentlemen who had been on the field called upon the President.

He inquired very minutely regarding all the circ.u.mstances of the affair, and, after listening with the utmost attention, said, with a touch of humor: "So it is your notion that we whipped the rebels and then ran away from them!"

WANTED STANTON SPANKED.

Old Dennis Hanks was sent to Washington at one time by persons interested in securing the release from jail of several men accused of being copperheads. It was thought Old Dennis might have some influence with the President.

The latter heard Dennis' story and then said: "I will send for Mr. Stanton. It is his business."

Secretary Stanton came into the room, stormed up and down, and said the men ought to be punished more than they were. Mr. Lincoln sat quietly in his chair and waited for the tempest to subside, and then quietly said to Stanton he would like to have the papers next day.

When he had gone, Dennis said: "'Abe,' if I was as big and as ugly as you are, I would take him over my knee and spank him."

The President replied: "No, Stanton is an able and valuable man for this Nation, and I am glad to bear his anger for the service he can give the Nation."

STANTON WAS OUT OF TOWN.

The quaint remark of the President to an applicant, "My dear sir, I have not much influence with the Administration," was one of Lincoln's little jokes.

Mr. Stanton, Secretary of War, once replied to an order from the President to give a colonel a commission in place of the resigning brigadier: "I shan't do it, sir! I shan't do it! It isn't the way to do it, sir, and I shan't do it. I don't propose to argue the question with you, sir."

A few days after, the friend of the applicant who had presented the order to Secretary Stanton called upon the President and related his reception. A look of vexation came over the face of the President, and he seemed unwilling to talk of it, and desired the friend to see him another day. He did so, when he gave his visitor a positive order for the promotion. The latter told him he would not speak to Secretary Stanton again until he apologized.

"Oh," said the President, "Stanton has gone to Fortress Monroe, and Dana is acting. He will attend to it for you."

This he said with a manner of relief, as if it was a piece of good luck to find a man there who would obey his orders.

The nomination was sent to the Senate and confirmed.

IDENTIFIED THE COLORED MAN.

Many applications reached Lincoln as he pa.s.sed to and from the White House and the War Department. One day as he crossed the park he was stopped by a negro, who told him a pitiful story. The President wrote him out a check, which read. "Pay to colored man with one leg five dollars."

OFFICE SEEKERS WORSE THAN WAR.

When the Republican party came into power, Washington swarmed with office-seekers. They overran the White House and gave the President great annoyance. The incongruity of a man in his position, and with the very life of the country at stake, pausing to appoint postmasters, struck Mr. Lincoln forcibly. "What is the matter, Mr. Lincoln," said a friend one day, when he saw him looking particularly grave and dispirited. "Has anything gone wrong at the front?" "No," said the President, with a tired smile. "It isn't the war; it's the postoffice at Brownsville, Missouri."

HE "SET 'EM UP."

Immediately after Mr. Lincoln's nomination for President at the Chicago Convention, a committee, of which Governor Morgan, of New York, was chairman, visited him in Springfield, Ill., where he was officially informed of his nomination.

After this ceremony had pa.s.sed, Mr. Lincoln remarked to the company that as a fit ending to an interview so important and interesting as that which had just taken place, he supposed good manners would require that he should treat the committee with something to drink; and opening the door that led into the rear, he called out, "Mary! Mary!" A girl responded to the call, to whom Mr. Lincoln spoke a few words in an undertone, and, closing the door, returned again and talked with his guests. In a few minutes the maid entered, bearing a large waiter, containing several gla.s.s tumblers, and a large pitcher, and placed them upon the center-table. Mr. Lincoln arose, and, gravely addressing the company, said: "Gentlemen, we must pledge our mutual health in the most healthy beverage that G.o.d has given to man--it is the only beverage I have ever used or allowed my family to use, and I cannot conscientiously depart from it on the present occasion. It is pure Adam's ale from the spring." And, taking the tumbler, he touched it to his lips, and pledged them his highest respects in a cup of cold water. Of course, all his guests admired his consistency, and joined in his example.

WASN'T STANTON'S SAY.

A few days before the President's death, Secretary Stanton tendered his resignation as Secretary of War. He accompanied the act with a most heartfelt tribute to Mr. Lincoln's constant friendship and faithful devotion to the country, saying, also, that he, as Secretary, had accepted the position to hold it only until the war should end, and that now he felt his work was done, and his duty was to resign.

Mr. Lincoln was greatly moved by the Secretary's words, and, tearing in pieces the paper containing the resignation, and throwing his arms about the Secretary, he said: "Stanton, you have been a good friend and a faithful public servant, and it is not for you to say when you will no longer be needed here."

Several friends of both parties were present on the occasion, and there was not a dry eye that witnessed the scene.

"JEFFY" THREW UP THE SPONGE.

When the War was fairly on, many people were astonished to find that "Old Abe" was a fighter from "way back." No one was the victim of greater amazement than Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederate States of America. Davis found out that "Abe" was not only a hard hitter, but had staying qualities of a high order. It was a fight to a "finish" with "Abe," no compromises being accepted. Over the t.i.tle, "North and South," the issue of "Frank Leslie's Ill.u.s.trated Newspaper" of December 24th, 1864, contained the cartoon, see reproduce on this page. Underneath the picture were the lines: "Now, Jeffy, when you think you have had enough of this, say so, and I'll leave off." (See President's message.) In his message to Congress, December 6th, President Lincoln said: "No attempt at negotiation with the insurgent leader could result in any good. He would accept of nothing short of the severance of the Union."

Therefore, Father Abraham, getting "Jeffy's" head "in chancery," proceeded to change the appearance and size of the secessionist's countenance, much to the grief and discomfort of the Southerner. It was Lincoln's idea to re-establish the Union, and he carried out his purpose to the very letter. But he didn't "leave off" until "Jeffy" cried "enough."

DIDN'T KNOW GRANT'S PREFERENCE.

In October, 1864, President Lincoln, while he knew his re-election to the White House was in no sense doubtful, knew that if he lost New York and with it Pennsylvania on the home vote, the moral effect of his triumph would be broken and his power to prosecute the war and make peace would be greatly impaired. Colonel A. K. McClure was with Lincoln a good deal of the time previous to the November election, and tells this story: "His usually sad face was deeply shadowed with sorrow when I told him that I saw no reasonable prospect of carrying Pennsylvania on the home vote, although we had about held our own in the hand-to-hand conflict through which we were pa.s.sing.

"'Well, what is to be done?' was Lincoln's inquiry, after the whole situation had been presented to him. I answered that the solution of the problem was a very simple and easy one--that Grant was idle in front of Petersburg; that Sheridan had won all possible victories in the Valley; and that if five thousand Pennsylvania soldiers could be furloughed home from each army, the election could be carried without doubt.

"Lincoln's face' brightened instantly at the suggestion, and I saw that he was quite ready to execute it. I said to him: 'Of course, you can trust want to make the suggestion to him to furlough five thousand Pennsylvania troops for two weeks?'

"'To my surprise, Lincoln made no answer, and the bright face of a few moments before was instantly shadowed again. I was much disconcerted, as I supposed that Grant was the one man to whom Lincoln could turn with absolute confidence as his friend. I then said, with some earnestness: 'Surely, Mr. President, you can trust Grant with a confidential suggestion to furlough Pennsylvania troops?'

"Lincoln remained silent and evidently distressed at the proposition I was pressing upon him. After a few moments, and speaking with emphasis, I said: 'It can't be possible that Grant is not your friend; he can't be such an ingrate?'

"Lincoln hesitated for some time, and then answered in these words: 'Well, McClure, I have no reason to believe that Grant prefers my election to that of McClellan.'

"I believe Lincoln was mistaken in his distrust of Grant."

JUSTICE vs. NUMBERS.

Lincoln was constantly bothered by members of delegations of "goody-goodies," who knew all about running the War, but had no inside information as to what was going on. Yet, they poured out their advice in streams, until the President was heartily sick of the whole business, and wished the War would find some way to kill off these nuisances.

"How many men have the Confederates now in the field?" asked one of these bores one day.

"About one million two hundred thousand," replied the President.

"Oh, my! Not so many as that, surely, Mr. Lincoln."

"They have fully twelve hundred thousand, no doubt of it. You see, all of our generals when they get whipped say the enemy outnumbers them from three or five to one, and I must believe them. We have four hundred thousand men in the field, and three times four make twelve,--don't you see it? It is as plain to be seen as the nose on a man's face; and at the rate things are now going, with the great amount of speculation and the small crop of fighting, it will take a long time to overcome twelve hundred thousand rebels in arms.

"If they can get subsistence they have everything else, except a just cause. Yet it is said that 'thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just.' I am willing, however, to risk our advantage of thrice in justice against their thrice in numbers."

NO FALSE PRIDE IN LINCOLN.

General McClellan had little or no conception of the greatness of Abraham Lincoln. As time went on, he began to show plainly his contempt of the President, frequently allowing him to wait in the ante-room of his house while he transacted business with others. This discourtesy was so open that McClellan's staff noticed it, and newspaper correspondents commented on it. The President was too keen not to see the situation, but he was strong enough to ignore it. It was a battle he wanted from McClellan, not deference.

"I will hold McClellan's horse, if he will only bring us success," he said one day.

EXTRA MEMBER OF THE CABINET.

G. H. Giddings was selected as the bearer of a message from the President to Governor Sam Houston, of Texas. A conflict had arisen there between the Southern party and the Governor, Sam Houston, and on March 18 the latter had been deposed. When Mr. Lincoln heard of this, he decided to try to get a message to the Governor, offering United States support if he would put himself at the head of the Union party of the State.

Mr. Giddings thus told of his interview with the President: "He said to me that the message was of such importance that, before handing it to me, he would read it to me. Before beginning to read he said, 'This is a confidential and secret message. No one besides my Cabinet and myself knows anything about it, and we are all sworn to secrecy. I am going to swear you in as one of my Cabinet.'

"And then he said to me in a jocular way, 'Hold up your right hand,' which I did.

"'Now,' said he, consider yourself a member of my Cabinet."'