A Turn in the Road Part 37

"Yes, you do. Just relax, sit back and listen to your inner voice."

He made it sound easier than it was. She walked him to the door, hugged him one last time and watched him pull out of the driveway. As soon as the car disappeared around the corner, Bethanne decided unpacking and laundry could wait. She visited each of the downstairs rooms, performing her coming-home ritual, before going up to her bedroom. Halfway there, she stopped and closed her eyes. Andrew had advised her to listen to her inner self. She concentrated hard and made a genuine effort to hear whatever message her intuition was trying to send. She heard her pulse roaring in her ears, but the message, unfortunately, wasn't clear.

Once in her room, she sat on the bed and, after debating for a couple of minutes, reached for the phone. Her hand closed around the receiver, and without further hesitation, she punched out the cell number that was engraved in her memory.

Thirty-One.

Bethanne pressed the receiver to her ear and held her breath with each ring. She was nearly gasping by the time Max picked up.

"It's Bethanne," she said, struggling to talk. "Don't say anything, please. This isn't going to work. I'm so sorry." She was on the verge of sobbing. "Grant is trying so hard and he wants us to reconcile and...and I owe him that. We were married all those years and until the affair he was a good husband, a good father. He's sorry and I can't be confusing myself with you...so I won't be talking to you again." Despite her effort to make this as quick as possible, to say what she had to say and be done with it, a sob escaped.

She brought her hand to her mouth and managed to stifle a second one.

"Are you finished?" Max asked.

"Yes...I don't have anything more to say. I'm sorry, Max, so sorry. At any other time, I really think we could've made this work."

"This is your final decision."

She knew this break had to be definite. "Yes."

"You don't want to wait until after Andrew's wedding?"

Drawing this out any longer would make it even more difficult. "No."

"Why did you change your mind?"

If she confessed that she hadn't stopped thinking about him all the while she was in Florida with Grant, she'd only confuse matters. She couldn't let Max know that she had to get him out of her head if she intended to work things out with Grant.

"Bethanne?"

She couldn't answer for the lump in her throat.

"Bethanne," he said softly. "Are you crying?"

"No."

"Liar."

She laughed then, and the sound mingled with that of a sniff so it sounded almost as though someone was strangling her.

"If I could hug you right now, I would."

She wished it was possible. She needed to feel his arms around her, needed the comfort of his embrace.

"Are you sorry we met?" he asked.

"No." Away from him, she'd wavered. But now that she heard his voice, she knew she didn't have a single regret.

"I'm not, either."

"I need to go now." She couldn't talk to him because she was afraid she'd reverse her decision.

"All right, but I have to tell you something first."

"Okay." It probably wasn't a good idea to listen, but she couldn't help herself.

"When we last spoke, you said you couldn't think about any of this, about Grant or me, until after your son's wedding. I agreed. I'm holding you to that, Bethanne. Whatever decision you make needs to wait until after July 16-that's when the ceremony is, right?"

"But..."

"I won't call you. But you should understand that I'm not giving up easily. I'm here for the long haul."

"But... Grant's trying so hard," she said again.

"So would I if I were in his shoes. The fact is, I'm trying, too. I care about you, Bethanne. I didn't think I could fall in love again. You proved me wrong."

With every word he spoke, her resolve seemed to melt.

"Like I said, you won't hear from me, but I want to see you after the sixteenth. If, at that time, you feel a relationship between us won't work I'll accept that. But you're going to have to tell me to my face and not over the phone."

"Don't, Max, please don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't love me. This is hard enough."

Her plea was met with silence.

"I wish I could be more accommodating," he finally said. "But I'm not a man who loves easily or often. I can't turn my feelings on and off like a faucet. This is what I feel, and it's not going to change no matter what you decide."

"I've got to give Grant a chance."

"Then you should."

He didn't offer a single argument. "Why are you being so amenable about this?"

"Am I? I was kicking myself for being too hard on you."

"You want want me to let Grant try to persuade me?" me to let Grant try to persuade me?"

"Yes, because that's the only way you can decide. We'll meet after Andrew's wedding," he continued. "The two of us are going to sit down and you're going to tell me then what your decision is. Not now. Not when you just got off a flight and you're feeling tired and pressured."

"Yes," she whispered. She knew now that she'd been unfair to him. "You're right...I should never have called."

"I'm glad you did. Just hearing from you gives me hope."

She had to talk about something else before she started crying again. "Did everything go well with you and your brother?"

"Extremely well. I'm resuming my position in the business. What's your email address? I'll send you a link so you can check it out."

She rattled it off before she could change her mind.

"I'll talk to you in a few weeks."

"Goodbye, Max."

"Goodbye, my love."

She hung up the phone and fell onto the thick down comforter. Reaching for a pillow, she bunched it up under her head and closed her eyes, thinking she'd rest for a few minutes. The next time she stirred, it was dark outside and she felt chilled.

When she realized she'd been asleep, Bethanne sat up and waited for her vision to adjust to the dark. She'd had no idea she was this tired. True, she hadn't slept well in several nights...

Oh, no. Had she really phoned Max or was that part of some weird dream? Her stomach tensed. It felt far too real to have been a dream.

Bethanne dragged herself off the bed and took a hot bath, got into her pajamas and returned to her bedroom, peeling back the covers. She climbed into bed and didn't wake until early Monday morning.

Once she was up and dressed, she brewed coffee and put a load of clothes in the washer. Then she sat at her home office computer to check her email.

As the messages appeared, the most current at the top, she saw Max's name and inhaled sharply. He'd said he would forward a link to his company website, but she hadn't expected him to do it this soon.

She read the release and, smiling, picked up the phone.

"I called you last night, didn't I?" she said when he answered.

"Yes. Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes. I...I'm sorry."

"I mean what I said, Bethanne."

"Good."

She heard Rooster's voice in the background.

"I'm interrupting you," she said.

"Not really. Rooster's helping me clean out the house. I've got an appointment with a real estate agent this afternoon."

This was the house he'd lived in with Kate and their daughter. He must be dealing with a lot of difficult emotional issues. "Where will you move?" she asked.

"That depends."

"On what?"

He didn't hesitate. "You."

"Oh, Max." Her shoulders slumped. Guilt, never very far away, came to hover near her.

"Are you still upset?"

"No."

"I'm glad." He chuckled. "I thought you weren't going to call me again," he teased.

"I shouldn't."

"Yes, you should," he said. "Call me anytime you want, day or night, understand?"

"I won't," she told him adamantly. "Not until after Andrew and Courtney's wedding. That's what we agreed."

The doorbell chimed. She was in no mood for company. The bell chimed again and she groaned. Whoever was there didn't seem inclined to leave. "Hold on, someone's at the door," she said, putting down the phone.

Before she could get to the foyer, she heard the front door open. It was Grant.

"Grant?" she said, shocked that he'd just walk into the house. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I thought I'd stop by to see that you were doing okay after the flight and-"

"This is my home now! You don't have the right to let yourself in without an invitation."

He blinked as though her words offended him. "I apologize," he said stiffly. "The front door was unlocked and I wasn't sure you heard the doorbell."

As tired as she was the night before, Bethanne must have forgotten to lock it.

"Would you rather I left?" he asked, looking sufficiently chastened. "I certainly didn't mean to upset you and I can see that I have."

Bethanne exhaled, torn between irritation and apprehension. She didn't want Grant to know Max was on the phone and, at the same time, she didn't want Max to know Grant was in the house.

"I've made a pot of coffee. Help yourself. I'm just finishing a phone call. I'll be there in a minute."

"Thanks."

She waited until Grant was on his way to the kitchen before she returned to her home office and closed the door.

Sitting at her desk, she propped her elbow on it and rested her forehead in her hand. "I have to go," she told Max.

"Remember, if there's anything else you want to know about me, all you have to do is ask."

Despite her discomfort, Bethanne smiled. "I'll remember."

"Call me anytime."