A Time To Dance Part 35

I will not give in.

A beam of moonlight gleams through the bronze circle of flame in which my Shiva dances.

Shiva, I pray, open my third eye.

Help me sense the truth and drive away this unreal pain.

Open my third eye.

Show me your light.

And let me see Govinda's feelings for me and mine for him clearly.

I press on the spot between my brows.

Desperate.

My forehead wet with sweat.

Concentrate.

Reality is the pressure between my eyebrows.

Next morning, I see a red dot bored into the skin at the center of my forehead by my fingernail.

HAUNTED.

Chandra knows right away something's wrong when we meet for lunch at school.

"What's the matter, Veda? Someone say something?

Need me to punch the terrible twins?"

"Govinda said he liked me but I messed it all up, Chandra.

Acted like I didn't care if we never met again."

"So call him and apologize.

It's as easy as that," Chandra says.

"But it-scares me how Govinda gives in to his parents.

What if Govinda and I get together and his parents don't like me?

Will he give me up, too, like that rich boy who dumped your sister?"

"Not every rich boy is an invertebrate like my sister's ex.

And look at your ma. She married your pa though her family said no."

"My ma admitted she still misses her family.

It takes a lot of strength to do what she did."

My voice shakes. "Chandra, I don't know what to do.

I miss him. I'm so confused."

"You'll work it out," Chandra says.

I'm not sure if she means Govinda and I will work things out together or if she means I'll work him out of my system.

OFFERING THANKS.

I'm practicing on my own at home trying not to think how much I miss Govinda, when our doorbell rings.

I'm surprised to find our neighbors Mrs. Subramaniam and her daughter standing on the landing.

"We have something for you," Shobana says.

"For me?"

All these years the Subramaniams lived below us, I never once thought of getting anything for them.

"After your accident, we prayed for your recovery,"

Mrs. Subramaniam says.

"We saw you onstage again, at the performance about Buddha's life.

So we went to the temple and offered thanks."

Shobana gives me a package of blessed food and a packet of vermillion powder.

"Here is some prasadam from the temple.

And some k.u.mk.u.mam."

"Thank you."

How do I apologize for being so involved with my own dance that I never found time to talk with them?

Shobana waves her hand at me as though waving away my thanks.

She and her mother disappear down the stairs.

Guilt makes the packets they gave me feel heavier than rocks.

FINDING.

MY WAY.

Every time the phone rings, I hope it's Govinda.

It never is.

Every time I enter dance school, my eyes search for some sign of him.

He's nowhere to be seen.

So I find Radhika, and ask her to come to the concert with me and Chandra.

Radhika tucks an arm through mine and she tugs me toward the empty stage under the banyan tree.

"Veda? I've known Govinda all my life.

He's crazy about you."

"He doesn't act like he cares, Radhika.

I asked him out to the concert and he turned me down.

He hasn't called since.

Has he given up dance altogether? Is he avoiding me?"

I cross my arms over my chest like that will help me hold myself together.

Radhika gives me a quick hug.

"Veda, I think it was good for Govinda that you two fought.

He's sorting out his life right now.

I can't tell you a whole lot-but, yes, he's in touch with akka still.

He's not given up dance altogether.

And trust me-he really likes you.

So if you like him, too, you'll surely get back together.

Wait and see."

A GIFT.

The smell of semolina and cardamom and melting b.u.t.ter surprises me when I return home.

Ma is back early, making hot sojji like Paati used to.

"Thanks, Ma."

My voice falters.

The spicy-sweet scent makes me miss Paati.

"Not as good as your grandmother's."

Ma piles some on a plate.

I taste a spoonful.