A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xiv Part 68

FRI. Yet let our conditions Bring them within our lists. Well, our surprise Must make you parties i' th' discovery.

ALL. For love's sake, how?

FRI. As thus: we stand at bar T' express our grievances: and you must set Grave censors or examinates to discuss The weight of our complaints.

ALL. Content; we'll do't.

LADIES. But do't exactly, or you spoil the plot.

CAR. 'Slid, doubt not, ladies, we have wit enough To frame intergotaries, so you make answer, And with your quickness do not puzzle us.

ALL. Advance, advance; let's mount, and play the consuls.

[_The Confidants ascend the higher seats, erected after the form of the Roman exedras, the Ladies, with pet.i.tions in their hands, standing at the bar._

1ST BOY. How will these dainty dottrels act their parts?

2D BOY. Rarely, no doubt; their audience makes them confident.

SCENE V.

FLO. Now, fair ladies, what wind has blown you hither?

FRI. The storm of our insufferable wrongs Call unto you for justice.

CAR. And your beauties Enjoin our just a.s.sistance. Show your griefs.

1ST BOY. This is a caranto-man, with all my heart! must Beauty be his landskip on the seat of justice?

[_Aside._

2D BOY. Pray thee, give them line.

[_Aside._

FRI. Should I discover my misfortunes, consuls, They would enforce compa.s.sion, even in strangers, Who know not my extraction. My descent, Besides the fortunes I deriv'd from them Who gave me being, breeding, with whate'er Might complete youth, or give embellishment To Nature's curious workmanship, was known To shine more graceful in the eye of fame Than to remain obscure: yet see my fate-- My sad occurring fate!

FLO. Express it, madam.

FRI. I married, reverend consul, and in that Lost both my freedom, fortune, and myself.

My former single sweet condition Clothes that remembrance in a sable weed, Resolves mine eyes to Niobe's, whose tears Might drop to marble, and erect an urn T' inhume my funeral spousals.

[_She feigns to weep, in resentment of her former estate._

CAR. Alas! poor lady.

1ST BOY. Pitiful senator, if he have not drunk some coffee to keep him waking, he will questionless fall asleep, or melt into tears, before he delivers his sentence.

[_Aside._

PAL. Whence sprung this spring of infelicity?

Resolve us, madam.

FRI. From mine helpless match; A tender stripling, whose unmanly chin Had ne'er known razor, nor discover'd A youthful down: yet his minority Was by o'erpow'ring friends accounted fit To match with my maturer growth; but time Display'd their folly who enjoined me to't.

And (my misfortune most) light was his brain, But weaker far his strength to satisfy Those lawful nuptial heats which breathe[125] in us An active fire. Now I appeal to you, Judicious consuls.

2D BOY. Hold there, madam, under favour; these brave senators you appeal to are more for execution than judgment.

[_Aside._

FRI. Could the patience Of Grisel, were she living, reap content In such enjoyments? Could she suffer youth, Quicken'd with blooming fancy, to expire, And quench her heat with such an useless snuff?

FLO. A match insufferable!

CAR. Opposing nature!

PAL. Nay, what in time would quite depopulate, And make the world a desert.

SAL. Higher wrongs Cannot inflicted be on womankind.

TIL. Nor aspersing more dishonour on that s.e.x, That most endeared s.e.x, to which we owe Ourselves and fortunes; for should their choice beauties Suffer a pillage by desertless hands, Forc'd to a loathed bed, and made a prey To seared age, or to unripen'd youth: How soon might these unparallel'd deities, By fixing their affections on strange faces And their more graceful posture, which they valued Above their churlish consorts, become strangers To their due spousal rites? How soon engage Their honour to th' embraces of a servant Of brave deportment, sprightly eyes, neat limbs: A virile presence and a countenance 'Twixt Ajax and Adonis; neither fierce Nor too effeminate, but mix'd 'twixt both: Neither too light to scorn, nor stern to loathe.

'Twas this brought Troy to ruin; for had Helen Espous'd where she had lov'd, poor Menelaus Had ne'er been branch'd, nor Troy reduc'd to flames; Nor Priam and his Hecuba [been] the grounds Of sad succeeding stories.

1ST BOY. A gallant consult, trust me; he has got by heart the ballad of "The Destruction of Troy" to a syllable.

[_Aside._

FLO. Honour'd colleague, You show yourself both learn'd and eloquent.

Madam, be pleased to solace discontent With a retir'd repose. We have discuss'd And balanced the grandeur of your wrongs In a judicious scale, and shall apply Proper receipts to your aggrievances, When we have heard the rest.

1ST BOY. Receipts of their own application, I warrant thee.

[_Aside._

CAR. Madam Caveare, You here appear as a complainant too?

CAV. And none more justly: ne'er was woman match'd To such a stupid, sottish animal: One that's compos'd of nonsense, and so weak In masculine abilities, he ne'er read The "Wife of Bath's Tale," nor what thing might please A woman best; my curtain-lectures have No influence on him. I must confess He's simply honest; but what's that to me?

He apprehends not what concerns a woman: Nor what may suit her quality in state And fit dimension.

CAR. A most unfitting husband!

CAV. It was my parents' caution, I remember; But 'twas my sad fate not t' observe[126] that lesson-- Never to fix my fancy on a person Who had no sage in's pate, lest progeny of fools Should make my race unhappy: this has made My thoughts mere strangers to his weak embraces; Nor shall I e'er affect him.

FLO. Madam, no law Would in the Spartan state enjoin a lady So n.o.bly accomplished to confine Her fancy to such fury.

PAL. This objection Admits no long debate.