A Select Collection of Old English Plays Part 98

ACT III., SCENE 1.

_Enter all from dinner._

WID. Nephew, how do you dispose of yourself this afternoon?

WILD. We have a design we must pursue, which will rid you of all this troublesome company; and we'll make no excuse, because you peeped into our privacies to-day.

CARE. Your humble servant, ladies; gentlemen, we'll leave you to pursue your fortunes.

[_Exit_ CARELESS.

JOLLY. Farewell, widow: may'st thou live unmarried till thou run'st away with thyself.

[_Exit_ JOLLY.

CAPT. No, no, when that day comes, command the humblest of your servants.

[_Exit_ CAPTAIN.

WILD. Farewell, aunt: sweet Mistress Pleasant, I wish you good fortune.

[_Exit_ WILD.

WID. Farewell, farewell, gentlemen. Niece, now, if we could be rid of these troublesome lovers too, we would go see a play.

[_Aside._

PLEA. Rid of them! why, they are but now in season. As I live, I would do as little to give mine content as any she in town, and yet I do not grudge him the happiness of carrying me to a play.

WID. Ay, but the world will talk, because they pretend; and then we shall be sure to meet my nephew there and his wild company, and they will laugh to see us together.

PLEA. Who will you have, Tim the butler or Formal your gentleman-usher? I would take Philip, the foreman of the shop, as soon.

WID. Let's mask ourselves, and take Secret, and go alone by water.

PLEA. Yes, and follow her, like one of my aunts of the suburbs.[235] It is a good way to know what you may yield in a market; for, I'll undertake, there are those that shall bid for you before the play will be done.

SEC. As I live, madam, Mistress Pleasant is in the right; I had such a kindness offered me once, and I came to a price with him in knavery; and hang me, if the rogue was not putting the earnest of his affection into my hand.

WID. Let's go to the Gla.s.s-House[236] then.

PLEA. I'll go to a play with my servant, and so shall you. Hang opinion! and we'll go to the Gla.s.s-House afterwards: it is too hot to sup early.

SEC. Pray, madam, go: they say 'tis a fine play, and a knight writ it.

PLEA. Pray, let Secret prevail; I'll propose it to the lovers. In the meantime, go you, and bid the coachman make ready the coach.

[SECRET _whispers_ SAD, 'Twill take.

SEC. Alas, madam! he's sick, poor fellow, and gone to bed; he could not wait at dinner.

WID. Sick?

PLEA. Why, see how all things work for the young men, either their coach or afoot! Master Constant, what think you of seeing a play this afternoon? Is it not too hot to venture this infectious time?

CON. Fie! madam, there's no danger: the bill decreased twenty last week.[237]

SAD. I swear, they say 'tis a very good play to-day.

WID. Shall we go, niece?

PLEA. Faith, 'tis hot, and there's n.o.body but we.

SAD. Does that hinder? Pray, madam, grudge us not the favour of venturing yourself in our company.

WID. Come, leave this ceremony. I'll go in, and put on my mask.

Secret shall bring yours.

PLEA. No, I'll go, and put it on within.

[_Exeunt omnes._

SCENE II.

_Enter_ WILD, CARELESS, CAPTAIN, _and_ JOLLY.

CARE. By this day, you have nettled the widow.

WILD. The captain neglected his dinner for his mirth, as if he had forgot to eat.

JOLLY. When did he oversee his drinking so?

CAPT. Gentlemen, still it is my fortune to make your worships merry.

WILD. As I live, captain, I subscribe, and am content to hold my wit as a tenant to thee; and to-night I'll invite you to supper, where it shall not be lawful to speak till thou hast victualled thy man-of-war.

CAPT. Shall's be merry? What shall we have?

WILD. Half a score dishes of meat; choose them yourself.

CAPT. Provide me then the chines fried, and the salmon calvered, a carp and black sauce, red deer in the blood, and an a.s.sembly of woodc.o.c.ks and jacksnipes, so fat you would think they had their winding-sheets on; and upon these, as their pages, let me have wait your Suss.e.x wheatear, with a feather in his cap; over all which let our countryman, General Chine of beef, command. I hate your French pottage, that looks as the cook-maid had more hand in it than the cook.

WILD. I'll promise you all this.