A Select Collection of Old English Plays Part 93

CARE. What's that?

WILD. Nothing, a toy. He refuses to show me his wench!

CARE. The devil he does! What! have we been thus long comrades, and had all things in common, and must we now come to have common wenches particular? I say, thou shalt see her, and lie with her too, if thou wilt.

JOLLY. What! in thy dumps, brother? Call to thy aid two-edged wit. The captain sad! 'tis prophetic: I'd as lieve[219] have dreamt of pearl, or the loss of my teeth: yet if he be musty, I'll warrant thee, Ned, I'll help thee to a bout. I know his cloak, his long cloak that hides her: I am acquainted with the parson: he shall befriend thee.

CAPT. 'Tis very well, gentlemen; but none of you have seen her yet?

WILD. Yes, but we have, by thyself--by thy anger, which is now bigger than thou. By chance we crossed her coming from church, leading in her hand the parson, to whom she swore she was this day married.

JOLLY. And our friendships were now guiding us to find thee out, to comfort thee after the treachery of thy Levite.

CARE. Come, bear it like a man; there are more wenches. What hast thou spied?

[_He gives no answer, but peeps under_ Jolly's _hat_.

WILD. His pearl, I believe.

CAPT. Gentlemen, I see you are merry: I'll leave you. I must go a little way to inquire about a business.

WILD. H' has got a sore eye, I think.

CAPT. I will only ask one question, and return.

CARE. No, faith, stay, and be satisfied.

JOLLY. Do, good brother; for I believe there is no question that you now would ask, but here's an oracle can resolve you.

CAPT. Are those pearl true?

JOLLY. Yes.

CAPT. And did not you steal them?

JOLLY. No.

CARE. Nor he did not buy them with ready money, but took them upon mortgage of himself to an old lady.

JOLLY. Dwelling at the sign of the Buck in Broad Street. Are you satisfied, or must I play the oracle still?

CAPT. No, no; I am satisfied.

JOLLY. Like jealous men that take their wives at it, are you not?

CAPT. Well, very well: 'tis visible I am abused on all hands.

But, gentlemen, why all against me?

CARE. To let you see your wit's mortal, and not proof against all.

WILD. The parson hath shot it through with a jest.

CAPT. Gentlemen, which of you, faith, had a hand in that?

JOLLY. Faith, none; only a general joy to find the captain overreached.

CAPT. But, do you go sharers in the profit as well as in the jest?

JOLLY. No, faith, the toy's mine own.

CAPT. They are very fine, and you may afford a good pennyworth.

Will you sell them?

JOLLY. Sell them! ay, where's a chapman?

CAPT. Here; I'll purchase them.

JOLLY. Thou! no, no, I have barred thee, bye and main,[220] for I am resolved not to fight for them: that excludes thy purchase by the sword; and thy wench has proved such a loss, in thy last adventure of wit, that I'm afraid it will spoil thy credit that way too.

CAPT. Gentlemen, as a friend, let me have the refusal: set your price.

WILD. He's serious.

CARE. Leave fooling.

JOLLY. Why, if thou couldst buy them, what wouldst thou do with them?

CAPT. They're very fair ones; let me see them: methinks they should match very well with these?

JOLLY. These! which?

OMNES. Which?

CARE. They are true.

CAPT. Yes, but not earned with a pair of stol'n verses, of, _I was not born till now, This my first night, And so forsooth_; nor given as a charm against l.u.s.t.

CARE. What means all this?

JOLLY. What! why, 'tis truth, and it means to shame the devil. By this good day, he repeats the same words with which I gathered these pearls.

WILD. Why, then, we have two to laugh at.

CARE. And all friends hereafter. Let's fool all together.

CAPT. Gentlemen with the fine wits, and my very good friends, do you, or you, or he, think I'll keep you company to make you laugh, but that I draw my honey from you too?

CARE. Come, come, the captain's in the right.