A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 139

_Enter_ CONSTABLE _and_ WATCH.[435]

CON. Come, fellow-watchmen, for now you are my fellows.

1ST WATCH. It pleases you to call us so, master constable.

CON. I do it to encourage you in your office--it is a trick that we commanders have: your great captains call your soldiers fellow-soldiers to encourage them.

2D WATCH. Indeed, and so they do. I heard master curate reading a story-book t'other day to that purpose.

CON. Well, I must show now what you have to do, for I myself, before I came to this prefermity, was as simple as one of you: and, for your better destruction, I will deride my speech into two parts. First, what is a watchman? Secondly, what is the office of a watchman? For the first, if any man ask me what is a watchman, I may answer him, he is a man, as others are; nay, a tradesman, as a vintner, a tailor, or the like, for they have long bills.

3D WATCH. He tells us true, neighbour, we have bills[436] indeed.

CON. For the second, what is his office? I answer, he may, by virtue of his office, reprehend any person or persons that walk the streets too late at a seasonable hour.

4TH WATCH. May we indeed, master constable?

CON. Nay, if you meet any of those rogues at seasonable hours, you may, by virtue of your office, commit him to prison, and then ask him whither he was going.

1ST WATCH. Why, that's as much as my lord mayor does.

CON. True, my lord mayor can do no more than you in that point.

2D WATCH. But, master constable, what, if he should resist us?

CON. Why, if he do resist, you may knock him down, and then bid him stand, and come before the constable. So now I think you are sufficiently instructed concerning your office. Take your stands: you shall hear rogues walking at these seasonable hours, I warrant you: stand close.

_Enter_ EUGENIO.

EUG. Now do I take as much care to be apprehended as others do to 'scape the watch: I must speak to be overheard, and plainly too, or else these dolts will never conceive me.

CON. Hark, who goes by?

EUG. O my conscience, my conscience! the terror of a guilty conscience!

CON. How, conscience talks he of! he's an honest man, I warrant him: let him pa.s.s.

2D WATCH. Ay, ay, let him pa.s.s. Good night, honest gentleman.

EUG. These are wise officers, I must be plainer yet. That gold, that cursed gold, that made me poison him--made me poison Eugenio.

CON. How, made me poison him! he's a knave, I warrant him.

3D WATCH. Master constable has found him already.

CON. I warrant you, a knave cannot pa.s.s me. Go, reprehend him; I'll take his excommunication myself.

1ST WATCH. Come afore the constable.

2D WATCH. Come afore the constable.

CON. Sirrah, sirrah, you would have 'scaped, would you? No, sirrah, you shall know the king's officers have eyes to hear such rogues as you.

Come, sirrah, confess who it was you poisoned. He looks like a notable rogue.

1ST WATCH. I do not like his looks.

2D WATCH. Nor I.

CON. You would deny it, would you, sirrah? We shall sift you.

EUG. Alas, master constable! I cannot now deny what I have said: you overheard me; I poisoned Eugenio, son to Lord Polymetes.

1ST WATCH. O rascal!

2D WATCH. My young landlord!

CON. Let him alone, the law shall punish him; but, sirrah, where did you poison him?

EUG. About a day's journey hence; as he was coming home from Athens, I met him, and poisoned him.

CON. But, sirrah, who set you a-work? Confess--I shall find out the whole nest of these rogues--speak.

EUG. Count Virro hired me to do it.

CON. O lying rascal!

1ST WATCH. Nay, he that will steal will lie.

2D WATCH. I'll believe nothing he says.

3D WATCH. Belie a man of worship!

4TH WATCH. A n.o.bleman!

CON. Away with him, I'll hear no more. Remit him to prison. Sirrah, you shall hear of these things to-morrow, where you would be loth to hear them. Come, let's go. [_Exeunt._

FOOTNOTES:

[434] This book, ent.i.tled "The Tax of the Roman Chancery," which has been several times translated into English, was first published at Rome in the year [1471]. It furnishes the most flagrant instances of the abominable profligacy of the Roman court at that time. Among other pa.s.sages in it are the following: "Absolutio a lapsu carnis super quocunque actu libidinoso commisso per cleric.u.m, etiam c.u.m monialibus, intra et extra septa monasterii; aut c.u.m consanguineis vel affinibus, aut filia spirituali, aut quibusdam aliis, sive ab unoquoque de per se, sive simul ab omnibus absolutio petatur c.u.m dispensatione ad ordines et beneficia, c.u.m inhibitione tur. 36. duc. 3. Si vero c.u.m illis petatur absolutio etiam a crimine commisso contra naturam, vel c.u.m brutis, c.u.m dispensatione ut supra, et c.u.m inhibitione tur. 90.

duc. 12. car. 16. Si vero petatur tantum absolutio a crimine contra naturam, vel c.u.m brutis, c.u.m dispensatione et inhibitione, turon 36.

duc. 9. Absolutio pro moniali qui se permisit pluries cognosci intra vel extra septa monasterii, c.u.m rehabilitate ad dignitates illius ordinis etiam abbatialem, turon 36. duc. 9." In the edition of Bois le Duc there is "Absolutio pro eo, qui interfecit patrem, matrem, sororem, uxorem..... g. 5. vel. 7." See Bayle, art. Banck.

[435] This Constable and Watch are poor imitations of Shakespeare's Dogberry, &c., in "Much Ado about Nothing."--_Steevens._

[436] A pun upon the word bills is here intended, by confounding the _bills_ of tradesmen with the _bills_ or arms formerly carried by watchmen. Thus in [Munday's] curious old comedy, obviously translated from the Italian, with some adaptations to English customs, called the "Two Italian Gentlemen," we meet with the following direction:--"Enter Fedele with Pedante, and with them two _watchmen with bills_," act iv.

sc. 5, sig. F 2.--_Collier._