A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 127

LUCE. I dare not, sir.

FRANK. Do it, I say, and he shall father it.

LUCE. He knows he never touched me, sir.

FRANK. That's all one; lay it to him, we'll out-face him 'tis his: but hark! he is coming, I hear the music. Swear thou wilt do thy best to make him think 'tis his, only for this time; swear quickly.

LUCE. I do.

FRANK. Go, step aside, and come when thy cue is; thou shalt hear us talk. [LUCE _aside_.

_Enter_ SHALLOW, _with music_.

SHAL. Morrow, father.

FRANK. Son bridegroom, welcome; you have been looked for here.

SHAL. My tailor a little disappointed me; but is my bride ready?

FRANK. Yes, long ago; but you and I will talk a little. Send in your music.

SHAL. Go, wait within. [_Exit music._] And tell me, father, did she not think it long till I came?

FRANK. I warrant her, she did; she loves you not a little.

SHAL. Nay, that I dare swear; she has given me many tastes of her affection.

FRANK. What, before you were married?

SHAL. I mean in the way of honesty, father.

FRANK. Nay, that I doubt; young wits love to be trying, and, to say truth, I see not how a woman can deny a man of your youth and person upon those terms: you'll not be known on't now.

SHAL. I have kissed her, or so.

FRANK. Come, come; I know you are no fool, I should think you a very a.s.s--nay, I tell you plainly, I should be loth to marry my daughter to you--if I thought you had not tried her in so long acquaintance: but you have tried her, and she, poor soul, could not deny you.

SHAL. Ha, ha, he!

FRANK. Faith, tell me, son, 'tis but a merry question: she's yours.

SHAL. Upon my virginity, father----

FRANK. Swear not by that, I'll ne'er believe you.

SHAL. Why, then, as I am a gentleman, I never did it, that I remember.

FRAN. That you remember! O, is't thereabouts?

LUCE. He'll take it upon him presently. [_Aside._

FRAN. You have been so familiar with her, you have forgot the times: but did you never come in half fuddled, and then in a kind humour--_caetera quis nescit?_

SHAL. Indeed I was wont to serve my mother's maids so, when I came half foxed, as you said, and then next morning I should laugh to myself.

FRANK. Why, there it goes; I thought to have chid you, son Shallow; I knew what you had done; 'tis too apparent: I would not have people take notice of it; pray G.o.d she hide her great belly, as she goes to church to-day.

SHAL. Why, father, is she with child?

FRANK. As if you knew not that! fie, fie! leave your dissembling now.

SHAL. Sure, it cannot be mine.

FRANK. How's this; you would not make my daughter a wh.o.r.e, would you?

This is but to try if you can stir my choler: you wits have strange tricks, do things over night when you are merry, and then deny 'em. But stay, here she comes alone; step aside, she shall not see us.

[_They step aside._

LUCE. Ah, my dear Shallow, thou need'st not have made Such haste, my heart thou know'st was firm enough To thee; but I may blame my own fond love, That could not deny thee.

SHAL. She's with child indeed; it swells.

FRANK. You would not believe me. 'Tis a good wench: she does it handsomely. [_Aside._

LUCE. But yet I know, if thou hadst been thyself, thou wouldst ne'er have offered it; 'twas drink that made thee.

SHAL. Yes, sure, I was drunk when I did it, for I had forgot it. I lay my life 'twill prove a girl, because 'twas got in drink.

LUCE. I am ashamed to see anybody.

FRANK. Alas, poor wretch! go comfort her. Luce!

SHAL. Sweetheart! nay, never be ashamed. I was a little too hasty, but I'll make thee amends; we'll be married presently.

FRANK. Be cheery, Luce; you were man and wife before; it wanted but the ceremony of the church, and that shall be presently done.

SHAL. Ay, ay, sweetheart, as soon as may be.

FRANK. But now I think on't, son Shallow, your wedding must not be public, as we intended it.

SHAL. Why so?

FRANK. Because I would not have people take notice of this fault: we'll go to church, only we three, the minister and the clerk--that's witnesses enough; so, the time being unknown, people will think you were married before.

SHAL. But will it stand with my worship to be married in private?

FRANK. Yes, yes; the greatest do it, when they have been nibbling beforehand; there is no other way to save your bride's credit.

SHAL. Come, let's about it presently.