A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ix Part 75

LINGUA, MENDACIO, COMMUNIS SENSUS, _and the rest_.

LIN. Feign thyself in great haste.

MEN. I warrant you, madam: I doubt 'tis in vain to run, by this they are all past overtaking.

COM. SEN. Is not this Lingua, that is in such haste?

PHA. Yes, yes, stand still.

MEN. I must speak with him.

COM. SEN. With whom?

MEN. a.s.sure yourself they are all at court ere this.

LIN. Run after them, for, unless he know it--

COM. SEN. Lingua!

LIN. O, is't your lordship? I beseech you, pardon me. Haste and fear, I protest, put out mine eyes: I looked so long for you, that I knew not, when I had found you.

PHA. In my conceit that's like the man that inquired who saw his a.s.s, when himself rid on him.

LIN. O, my heart beats so! fie, fie, fie, fie!

MEN. I am so weary; so, so, so, so.

COM. SEN. I prythee, Lingua, make an end.

LIN. Let me begin first, I beseech you; but if you will needs have the end first--thus 'tis: the commonwealth of Microcosm at this instant suffers the pangs of death, 'tis gasping for breath. Will you have all?

'tis poisoned.

PHA. What apothecary durst be so bold as make such a confection? ha, what poison is't?

LIN. A golden crown.

MEN. I mistake; or else Galen, in his book "De Sanitate Tuenda,"

commends gold as restorative.

COM. SEN. Lingua, express yourself.

MEN. Madam, if you want breath, let me help you out.

LIN. I prythee do, do.

MEN. My lord, the report is that Mercury, coming late into this country, in this very place left a coronet with this inscription, _that the best of the five should have it_, which the Senses thinking to belong unto them--

LIN. Challenge each other, and are now in arms, and't like your lordship.

COM. SEN. I protest it likes not me.

LIN. Their battles are not far hence; ready ranged.

COM. SEN. O monstrous presumption! what shall we do?

MEM. My lord, in your great grandfather's time there was, I remember, such a breach amongst them; therefore my counsel is that, after his example, by the strength of your authority you convene them before you.

COM. SEN. Lingua, go presently; command the Senses, upon their allegiance to our dread sovereign Queen Psyche, to dismiss their companies, and personally to appear before me without any pretence of excuse.

LIN. I go, my lord.

PHA. But hear you, madam? I pray you, let your Tongue's page[229] walk with us a little, till you return again.

LIN. With all my heart. [_Exit_ LINGUA.

PHA.[230] Hot youths, I protest: saw you those warlike preparations?

MEN, Lately, my lords, I sped into the army; But O, 'tis far beyond my reach of wit Or strength of utterance to describe their forces.

COM. SEN. Go to; speak what thou canst.

MEN. Upon the right hand of a s.p.a.cious hill Proud Visus marshalleth a puissant army, Three thousand eagles strong, whose valiant captain Is Jove's swift thunder-bearer, that same bird, That hoist up Ganymede from the Trojan plains.

The vanguard strengthened with a wondrous flight Of falcons, haggards, hobbies, terselets,[231]

Lanards and goshawks, sparhawks, and ravenous birds.

The rearward granted to Auditus' charge, Is stoutly follow'd with an impetuous herd Of stiff-neck'd bulls and many horn-mad stags, Of the best head the forest can afford.

PHA. I promise you, a fearful troop of soldiers.

MEN. Right opposite stands Tactus, strongly mann'd With three thousand bristled urchens[232] for his pikemen, Four hundred tortoises for elephants; Besides a monstrous troop of ugly spiders, Within an ambushment he hath commanded Of their own guts to spin a cordage fine, Whereof t'have fram'd a net (O wondrous work!) That, fastened by the concave of the moon, Spreads down itself to th'earth's circ.u.mference.

MEM. 'Tis very strange; I cannot remember the like engine at any time.

MEN. Nay more, my lord, the masks[233] are made so strong, That I myself upon them scal'd the heavens, And boldly walk'd about the middle region, Where, in the province of the meteors, I saw the cloudy shops of hail and rain, Garners of snow, and crystals full of dew; Rivers of burning arrows, dens of dragons, Huge beams of flames, and spears like firebrands.

Where I beheld hot Mars and Mercury, With rackets made of spheres and b.a.l.l.s of stars, Playing at tennis for a tun of Nectar.

And that vast gaping of the firmament Under the southern pole is nothing else But the great hazard[234] of their tennis-court; The Zodiac is the line; the shooting stars, Which in an eye-bright evening seem to fall, Are nothing but the b.a.l.l.s they lose at bandy.

Thus, having took my pleasure with those sights, By the same net I went up I descended.

COM. SEN. Well, sirrah, to what purpose tends this stratagem?

MEN. None know directly; but I think it is T'entrap the eagles, when the battles join.

PHA. Who takes Tactus his part?

MEN. Under the standard of thrice-hardy Tactus, Thrice-valiant Gustus leads his warlike forces; An endless mult.i.tude of desperate apes; Five hundred marmosets and long-tail'd monkeys, All trained to the field, and nimble gunners.

PHA. I imagine there's old moving[235] amongst them: methinks a handful of nuts would turn them all out of their soldiers' coats.

MEN. Ramparts of pasty-crust and forts of pies, Entrench'd with dishes full of custard stuff, Hath Gustus made, and planted ordinance-- Strange ordinance, cannons of hollow canes, Whose powder's rape-seed, charg'd with turnip-shot.