A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ix Part 54

CHURMS.

Why then, I warrant ye, for we hold in our law that, _idem est non apparere et non esse_.

GRIPE.

Master Churms, I pray you, do so much as call my daughter hither. I will make her sure here to Peter Plod-all, and I'll desire you to be a witness.

CHURMS.

With all my heart, sir. [_Exit_ CHURMS.

GRIPE.

Before G.o.d, neighbour, this same Master Churms is a very good lawyer, for, I warrant, you cannot speak anything, but he has law for it _ad unguem_.

PLOD-ALL.

Marry, even the more joy on him, and he's one that I am very much beholding to: but here comes your daughter.

_Enter_ CHURMS, LELIA, _and_ NURSE.

LELIA.

Father, did you send for me?

GRIPE.

Ay, wench, I did. Come hither, Lelia; give me thy hand. Master Churms, I pray you, bear witness, I here give Lelia to Peter Plod-all. [_She plucks away her hand_.] How now?

NURSE.

She'll none, she thanks you, sir.

GRIPE.

Will she none? Why, how now, I say? What, you puling, peevish thing, you untoward baggage, will you not be ruled by your father? Have I taken care to bring you up to this, and will you do as you list? Away, I say; hang, starve, beg; begone, pack, I say; out of my sight! Thou never gettest pennyworth of my goods for this. Think on't, I do not use to jest. Begone, I say; I will not hear thee speak.

[_Exeunt_ LELIA _and_ NURSE.

CHURMS.

I pray you, sir, patient yourself; she's young.

GRIPE.

I hold my life, this beggarly scholar hankers about her still, makes her so untoward. But I'll home; I'll set her a harder task. I'll keep her in, and look to her a little better than I ha' done. I'll make her have little mind of gadding, I warrant her. Come, neighbour, send your son to my house, for he's welcome thither, and shall be welcome; and I'll make Lelia bid him welcome too, ere I ha' done with her. Come, Peter, follow us.

[_Exeunt all but_ CHURMS.

CHURNS.

Why, this is excellent: better and better still. This is beyond expectation; why, now this gear begins to work. But, beshrew my heart, I was afraid that Lelia would have yielded. When I saw her father take her by the hand and call me for a witness, my heart began to quake; but, to say the truth, she had little reason to take a cullian lug-loaf, milksop slave, when she may have a lawyer, a gentleman that stands upon his reputation in the country, one whose diminutive defect of law may compare with his little learning. Well, I see that Churms must be the man must carry Lelia, when all's done.

_Enter_ ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

How now, Master Churms? What news abroad? Methinks you look very spruce; y'are very frolic now a-late.

CHURMS.

What, fellow Robin? How goes the squares with you? Y'are waxen very proud a-late; you will not know your own friends.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Faith, I even came to seek you, to bestow a quart of wine of you.

CHURMS.

That's strange; you were never wont to be so liberal.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Tush, man; one good turn asks another; clear gains, man, clear gains!

Peter Plod-all shall pay for all. I have gulled him once, and I'll come over him again and again, I warrant ye.

CHURMS.

Faith, Lelia has e'en given him the doff[148] here, and has made her father almost stark-mad.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

O, all the better; then I shall be sure of more of his custom. But what success have you in your suit with her?

CHURMS.

Faith, all hitherto goes well. I have made the motion to her, but as yet we are grown to no conclusion. But I am in very good hope.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

But do you think you shall get her father's goodwill?

CHURMS.

Tut, if I get the wench, I care not for that; that will come afterward; and I'll be sure of something in the meantime, for I have outlawed a great number of his debtors, and I'll gather up what money I can amongst them, and Gripe shall never know of it neither.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Ay, and of those that are scarce able to pay, take the one half, and forgive them the other, rather than sit out at all.

CHURMS.

Tush! let me alone for that; but, sirrah, I have brought the scholar into a fool's paradise. Why, he has made me his spokesman to Mistress Lelia, and, G.o.d's my judge, I never so much as name him to her.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

O, by the ma.s.s, well-remembered.

I'll tell you what I mean to do: I'll attire myself fit for the same purpose, Like to some h.e.l.lish hag or d.a.m.ned fiend, And meet with Sophos wandering in the woods.

O, I shall fray him terribly.

CHURMS.

I would thou couldst scare him out of his wits, then should I ha' the wench, c.o.c.ksure. I doubt n.o.body but him.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Well, let's go drink together, And then I'll go put on my devilish robes-- I mean, my Christmas calf-skin suit, And then walk to the woods.

O, I'll terrify him, I warrant ye.

[_Exeunt_.

_A Wood_.

_Enter_ SOPHOS _solus_.

SOPHOS.