A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Viii Part 81

DUN. My weaker senses cannot apprehend The means this stranger us'd to make her speak: There is some secret mystery therein, Conceal'd from Dunstan, which the heavens reveal, That I may scourge this bold, blaspheming man, Who holds religious works of little worth!

[_Exeunt; manent_ CLINTON _and_ FORREST.

FOR. Now, Captain Clinton, what think you of me?

CLIN. Methinks as yet the jest holds pretty well.

The one hath taught her to deny himself: The other woo'd so long, he cannot speed.

FOR. This news will please young Musgrave.

CLIN. Marry will it, And I will hasten to acquaint him with them: Come, let's away.

[_Exeunt_.

_Enter_ PARSON SHORTHOSE _and_ GRIM _the Collier_.

GRIM. No, Master Parson, grief hath made my heart and me a pair of balance, as heavy as lead. Every night I dream I am a town top, and that I am whipped up and down with the scourge-stick of love and the metal of affection; and when I wake,[442] I find myself stark naked, and as cold as a stone. Now judge how I am tumbled and tossed; poor Grim the collier hath wished himself burnt up amongst his coals.

SHO. O Grim! be wise, dream not of love, Thy sorrows cannot fancy move: If Jug love thee, love her again; If not, thy kindness then refrain.

GRIM. I am not skilled in your rhyming. Master Parson; but that which is bred in the flesh will never come out of the bone. I have seen as much as another man; my travel should teach me. There's never a day in the week but I carry coals from Croydon to London; and now, when I rise in the morning to harness my horses, and load my cart, methinks I have a tailor sewing st.i.tches in my heart: when I am driving my cart, my heart that wanders one way, my eyes they leer another, my feet they lead me, I know not whither, but now and then into a slough over head and ears; so that poor Grim, that before was over shoes in love, is now over head and ears in dirt and mire.

SHO. Well, Grim, my counsel shall suffice To help thee; but in any wise Be rul'd by me, and thou shalt see, As thou lov'st her, she shall love thee.

GRIM. A lard![443] but do you think that will be so? I should laugh till I tickle to see that day, and forswear sleep all the next night after. O Master Parson, I am so haltered in affection, that I may tell you in secret, [since] here's n.o.body else hears me, I take no care how I fill my sacks. Every time I come to London, my coals are found faulty; I have been five times pilloried, my coals given to the poor, and my sacks burnt before my face. It were a shame to speak this, but truth will come to light. O Joan! thou hast thrown the coal-dust of thy love into my eyes, and stricken me quite blind.

SHO. Now, afore G.o.d, the collier chooseth well; For beauty Jug doth bear away the bell, And I love her: then, collier, thou must miss, For Parson Shorthose vows, Jug shall be his. [_Aside_.]

But hear'st thou, Grim, I have that in my head, To plot that how thou shalt the maiden wed.

GRIM. But are you sure you have that in your head? O, for a hammer to knock that out! one blow at your pate would lay all open to me, and make me as wise as you.

SHO. Think'st thou I do so often look For nothing on my learned book, As that I cannot work the feat?

I warrant I'll the miller cheat, And make Jug thine, in spite of him.

Will this content thee, neighbour Grim?

GRIM. Content me! ay, and so highly, that if you do this feat for me, you hire me to you as one hireth an ox or an a.s.s: to use, to ride, to spur, or anything; yours to demand, miserable Grim! Joan's handmaid!

for so I have called myself ever since last May-day, when she gave me her hand to kiss.

SHO. Well, let's away; and in all haste About it, ere the day be pa.s.s'd; And ever after, if thou hast her, Acknowledge me to be thy master.

GRIM. I wool, sir: come, let's away, the best drink in Croydon's yours; I have it for you, even a dozen of jugs, to Jug's health.

[_Exeunt both_.

_Enter_ EARL MORGAN, EARL LACY, MARIAN.

MOR. My Lord of Kent, the latter motion Doth bind me to you in a higher degree Than all those many favours gone before: And now the issue of my help relies Only on Mariana's gentleness, Who, if she will, in such a common good, Put to her helping-hand, the match is made.

LACY. You need not make a doubt of Marian, Whose love unto her lady were enough, Besides her cousin's and her own consent, To move her to a greater thing than this.

MAR. My lords, if aught there be in Marian, That may or pleasure you or profit her, Ye shall not need to doubt of my consent.

MOR. Gramercy, Marian; and indeed the thing Is in itself a matter of no moment, If it be weigh'd aright, and therefore this: Thou know'st the bargain 'twixt me and the doctor, Concerning marriage with my only daughter, Whom I determined that my Lord of Kent Should have espoused: but I see her mind Is only set upon thy cousin Musgrave, And in her marriage to use constraint Were bootless; therefore thus we have devised.

Lord Lacy is content to lose his part, And to resign his t.i.tle to young Musgrave; But now the doctor will not yield his right.

Thus we determine to beguile his hopes: Thou shalt this night be brought unto his bed Instead of her, and he shall marry thee: Musgrave shall have my daughter, she her will; And so shall all things sort[444] to our content.

LACY. And this thou shalt be sure of, Marian, The doctor's wealth will keep thee royally: Besides, thou shalt be ever near thy friends, That will not see thee wrong'd by any man.

Say then, wilt thou resolve to marry him?

MAR. My lords, you know I am but young: The doctor's fit for one of riper years: Yet, in regard of Honorea's good, My cousin's profit, and all your contents, I yield myself to be the doctor's wife.

MOR. 'Tis kindly spoken, gentle Marian.

_Enter_ CASTILIANO.

But here the doctor comes.

LACY. Then I'll away, Lest he suspect aught by my being here. [_Exit_.

MOR. Do, and let me alone to close with him.

CAS. May he ne'er speak that makes a woman speak!

She talks now sure for all the time that's pa.s.s'd: Her tongue is like a scarecrow in a tree, That clatters still with every puff of wind.

I have so haunted her from place to place: About the hall, from thence into the parlour, Up to the chamber, down into the garden, And still she rails, and chafes, and scolds, As if it were the sessions-day in h.e.l.l.

Yet will I haunt her with an open mouth, And never leave her till I force her love me.

MOR. Now, master doctor; what, a match or no?

CAS. A match, quoth you? I think the devil himself Cannot match her; for, if he could, I should. [_Aside_.]

MOR. Well, be content: 'tis I must work the mean To make her yield, whether she will or no.

My Lord of Kent is gone hence in a chafe, And now I purpose that she shall be yours, Yet to herself unknown; for she shall think That Musgrave is the man, but it shall be you: Seem you still discontented, and no more.

Go, Mariana, call thy mistress. .h.i.ther.

Now, when she comes, dissemble what you know, And go away, as if you car'd not for her; So will she the sooner be brought into it.

[_Exit_ MARIAN.

CAS. My lord, I thank you for your honest care, And, as I may, will study to requite it.

_Enter_ HONOREA _and_ MARIAN.

But here your daughter comes. No, no, my lord, 'Tis not her[445] favour I regard, nor her; Your promise 'tis I challenge, which I'll have: It was my bargain, no man else should have her.

Not that I love her, but I'll not be wrong'd By any one, my lord; and so I leave you.

[_Exit_ CASTILIANO.

MOR. He's pa.s.sing cunning to deceive himself: But all the better for the after-sport.

HON. Sir, did you send for me?