A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 63

If ye be _non plus_, let the matter fall.

WILL.

Wit, dost thou see? thus goes Wealth away with all.

WIT.

Let's reason no further, for we shall have glee.

Here is a challenger to our shields: step we aside.

_Enter_ SIMPLICITY _in bare black, like a poor citizen_.

WILL.

He will eat them, I think, for he gapes very wide.

WEALTH.

Say nothing to him, and ye shall see the fool go by.

WILL.

Sirrah, gape not so wide for fear of a fly.

SIMPLICITY.

Fly, flam-flurt! Why, can a fly do hurt?

WIT.

Yea, have ye not heard that the fly hath her spleen, And the ant her gall?

SIMPLICITY.

My uncle hath so, I ween; for it's an angry old fellow, When his gall runs over: children, good day; Whose pretty lads are you three?

WIT.

Three! are you sure?

SIMPLICITY.

I'll not swear, till I have told you: one, two, three.

WILL.

I beshrew thee.

SIMPLICITY.

Me, boy? Why, I am beshrewed already, for I am married.

WEALTH.

Then, thou hast a wife.

SIMPLICITY.

Yea, I would thou hadd'st her, if thou could'st stay her tongue.

WEALTH.

I thy wife, man! Why, I am too young.

SIMPLICITY.

And I am too old. But in good earnest, good boys--be not angry that I call you boys, for ye are no men yet: ye have no beards, and yet I have seen boys angry for being called boys. Forsooth they would be called youths: well, yet a boy is a boy, and a youth is a youth.--Well, if ye be not ashamed of the boy, good boys, whose boys are ye?

WIT.

No whit ashamed, sir, of that that we are, nor ashamed at all of those whom we serve? for boys we be, and as we be, we serve the three Lords of London: to wit, Policy, Pomp, and Pleasure.

SIMPLICITY.

A pretty-spoken child, and a pretty wit.

WILL.

Wit's his name, indeed: are ye one of his G.o.dfathers, ye hit it so right?

SIMPLICITY.

It is more than I know: then, is thy name Wit, boy? Now, of mine honesty, welcome, for I have wanted thee a great while.

WIT.

Welcome, sir! how so? why do ye entertain me so kindly? I cannot dwell with you, for I have a master already.

SIMPLICITY.

So have I, too, but she learns me little wit--my wife, I mean. Well, all this while I stand here, my wares are not abroad, and so I may lose both my customers and market.

WEALTH.

Wares, sir! have ye wares? what wares do ye sell?

SIMPLICITY.

Truly, child, I sell ballads. Soft; whose wares are these that are up already?[235] I paid rent for my standing, and other folks' wares shall be placed afore mine? this is wise, indeed.

WIT.

O, the fineness of the wares, man, deserves to have good place.

SIMPLICITY.

They are fine indeed. Who sells them, can ye tell? Is he free?

WIT.

Our masters be: we wait on this ware, and yet we are no chapmen.

SIMPLICITY.

Chapmen: no, that's true, for you are no men: neither chapmen nor chopmen, nor chipmen nor shipmen; but if ye be chappers, choppers, or chippers, ye are but chapboys; and, chapboys, ye are double.

WILL.

Double! how is it? Teach me that, and you will make me laugh a little.

WEALTH.

And me a little.

WIT.

And me a little.

SIMPLICITY.

Then your three little laughs will make one great laugh.