A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 58

What is that to thee? why wouldst thou so fain know?

SIMPLICITY.

Marry, if you should be both right-handed, the one would hinder the other: Then it would not[226] be done finely, according to order; For if I be not whipp'd with credit, it is not worth a pin.

Therefore, I pray, Master Constable, let me be whipp'd upon my skin.

DILIGENCE.

Whereon dost thou think they would whip thee, I pray thee declare, That thou puttest us in mind, and takest such great care?

SIMPLICITY.

I was afraid you would have worn out my clothes with whipping; Then afterward, I should go naked a-begging.

BEADLE.

Have no doubt of that; we will favour thy clothes: Thou shalt judge that thyself by fueling the blows.

[_Lead him once or twice about, whipping him, and so exit_.

_Enter_ JUDGE NEMO, _the_ CLERK _of the 'size, the_ CRIER, _and_ SERVICEABLE DILIGENCE: _the_ JUDGE _and_ CLERK _being set, the_ CRIER _shall sound three times_.

JUDGE.

Serviceable Diligence, bring hither such prisoners as are in custody.

DILIGENCE.

My diligence shall be applied very willingly.

Pleaseth it you, there are but three prisoners, so far as I know, Which are Lucre and Conscience, with a deformed creature much like Bifrons,[227] the base daughter of Juno.

JUDGE.

No! where is that wretch Dissimulation?

DILIGENCE.

He hath transformed himself after a strange fashion.

JUDGE.

Fraud! where is he become?

DILIGENCE.

He was seen in the streets, walking in a citizen's gown.

JUDGE.

What is become of Usury!

DILIGENCE.

He was seen at the Exchange very lately.

JUDGE.

Tell me, when have you heard of Simony?

DILIGENCE.

He was seen this day walking in Paul's, having conference and very great familiarity with some of the clergy.

JUDGE.

Fetch Lucre and Conscience to the bar.

DILIGENCE.

Behold, worthy judge, here ready they are.

_Enter_ LUCRE _and_ CONSCIENCE.

JUDGE.

Stand forth. Diligence, divide them asunder.

CLERK.

Lucre, thou art indicted by the name of Lucre, To have committed adultery with Mercatore the merchant and Creticus the lawyer.

Thou art also indicted for the robbery of Mercatore: Lastly and chiefly, for the consenting to the murder of Hospitality.

What sayest thou, art thou guilty or not in these causes?

LUCRE.

Not guilty. Where are mine accusers? they may shame to show their faces: I warrant you, none comes, nor dare, to discredit my name.

In despite of the teeth of them that dare, I speak in disdain.

JUDGE.

Impudent! canst thou deny deeds so manifestly known?

LUCRE.

In denial stands trial: I shame not; let them be shown.

It grinds my gall they should slander me on this sort: They are some old-cankered currish corrupt carls, that gave me this report.

My soul craves revenge on such my secret[228] foes, And revengement I will have, if body and soul I lose.

JUDGE.

Thy hateful heart declares thy wicked life: In the abundance of thy abhomination all evils are rife,-- But what sayest thou, Conscience, to thy accusation, That art accused to have been bawd unto Lucre, and spotted with all abhomination?

CONSCIENCE.

What should I say; nay, what would I say in this our naughty living?

LUCRE.

Good Conscience, if thou love me, say nothing. [_Aside_.

CLERK.

Diligence, suffer her not to stand prating.

[_Let him put her aside_.

JUDGE.

What letter is that in thy bosom, Conscience?

Diligence, reach it hither. [_Make as though he[229] read it_.

Conscience, speak on; let me hear what thou canst say, For I know in singleness thou wilt a truth bewray.

CONSCIENCE.

My good lord, I have no way to excuse myself: She hath corrupted me by flattery and her accursed pelf.

What need further trial, sith I, Conscience, am a thousand witnesses?

I cannot choose but condemn us all in living amiss.