A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 24

BOMELIO.

Why, when? I say!

LENTULO.

Anon, forsooth.

BOMELIO.

You naughty lout; come out, sir knave, come away.

LENTULO.

Will you not give one leave to pull down his points? what, an a should his breeches beray?

[_Enter_ LENTULO.]

BOMELIO.

Get you to the market, and buy such things as needful are for us.

LENTULO.

Such things as needful are for us! and what are those, I pray?

First, there is needful for us a pot of porridge, for I had none this many a day; And then, there are needful for us a feather-bed, for I lie on a bottle of hay; And then there is most needful for us a pretty proper wench for to laugh and play.

BOMELIO.

Go, buy us some victuals, and hie thee home.

[_Exit_.

LENTULO.

Now, farewell, master mine, good gentle master mome.

Have you seen such a logger-headed fool, to say: Go, go, good Lentulo, to buy my victuals so, and give me money?--no!

But for the name's sake, swounds, I were as good serve a master of clouts.

He'll do nothing all day long but sit on his a.r.s.e, as my mother did when she made pouts: And then a' looks a' this fashion, and thus and thus again; and then, what do ye?

By my troth, I stand even thus at him, and laugh at his simplismity.

Hath the best manners in the world to bid a man fall to his meat, And then I say: I thank you forsooth, master, and I could tell what to eat.

We two, look you--that's I and he--can lie a-bed a whole night and a day, And we eat, and we had it: it vattens a man; look on my cheeks, else, are they not fall'n away?

Well, I must jog to the town, and I'll tell you what shift I make there.

Marry, ye shall promise me not to steal it away.

When I come to a rich man's gate, I make a low leg, and then I knock there; And then I begin to cry in at the keyhole, that I may be sure they shall hear: G.o.d save my good master and my good mistress, a poor boy, a piece of bread and meat for G.o.d's sake!

_Enter_ PENULO.

Heigh! merrily trick'd! am I not a knave for the nonce, That can despatch two errands at once?

I have both told her even as I should do, And told my young master to meet with him too.

Now he, like a gentleman, for the valour of his mind Hath sworn by his honour not to stay long behind.

The desire of revenge p.r.i.c.keth him forward so, That I am sure he'll not let but to go, And that with all haste possible he may.

Then, tantara-tara, we shall have good play.

I like such a knave so can tickle them all, To set n.o.blemen at brabble and brawl.

LENTULO.

Save you, sir, young master, and you be a gentleman?

PENULO.

Wh.o.r.eson peasant, seest thou not what I am?

LENTULO.

Troth, sir, I see you have a good doublet and a pair of hose; But now-a-days there is so many goes So like gentlemen, that such a poor fellow as I Know not how a gentleman from a knave to spy.

PENULO.

Thou may'st perceive I am no such companion:[93]

I am a gentleman, a courtier, and a merry frank franion.[94]

LENTULO.

Then, thou merry companion, thou wh.o.r.eson frank franion, Why hast thou abused the law?

What, good skipjack, in faith with thwick-thwack your bones I will claw.

Come about, sir knave.

PENULO.

Cot's my pa.s.sion, what a merry mate have we here?

LENTULO.

Give me your hand, sir: faith, I was bold to brush the dust out of your gear.

Pray, sir, tell me: they say in the country 'tis a common guise, That gentlemen now-a-days cannot see with both eyes.

PENULO.

It's a lie, knave: I know[95] few gentlemen blind.

LENTULO.

No, sir? what will you lay, and I can find One with a wet finger[96], that is stark blind?

PENULO.

It may be so, but I think thou canst not.

LENTULO.

Will you lay? do wager on it.

PENULO.

What should I lay?

Thou hast no money, I am sure, to pay.

LENTULO.

No, faith, sir; but I'll tell you what our wager shall be; Because I am not able to lay any money, I'll lay three round raps on the ribs with my cudgel here.

PENULO.

Soft, let me look first if there be no blind man near.

Content, i'faith: that bargain shall stand.

LENTULO.

Then, sir, I must be so bold as to search your purse out of hand.

PENULO.

My purse, sir? wherefore?