A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ii Part 16

To muse for any better great folly it is; For I may make sure reckoning of this That, and if I would sit stewing this seven year, I shall not else find how to save me all clear.

And, as you see, for the most part our wits be best, When we be taken most unreadiest.

But I woll not give for that boy a fly, That hath not all times in store one good lie, And cannot set a good face upon the same: Therefore Saint George thee borrow, as it woll let him frame.

I woll jeopard a joint, be as be may, I have had many like chances before this day; But I promise you I do curstly fear; For I feel a vengeable burning in my left ear; And it hath been a saying of time long, That sweet meat woll have sour sauce among; And surely I shall have some ill hap, For my hair standeth up under my cap.

I would knock, but I dare not, by our lady, I fear hanging, whereunto no man is hasty.

But seeing there is no nother remedy, Thus to stand any longer it is but folly.

[_Hic pulset ostium_.

They be so far within, they cannot hear--

JACK JUGGLER.

Soft thy knocking, saucy knave, what makest thou there?

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

What knave is that? he speaketh not to me, I trow, And we meet, the one of us is like to have a blow!

For now that I am well chafed, and somewhat hot, Twenty such could I hew as small as flesh to pot; And surely, if I had a knife, This knave should escape hardly with his life: To teach him to ask of me any more, What I make at my own master's door.

JACK JUGGLER.

But if thou come from that gate, thou knave, I well fet thee by the sweet locks,[180] so G.o.d me save!

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

Woll the wh.o.r.eson fight indeed, by mine honesty?

I know no quarrel he hath to me; But I would I were within the house, And then I would not set by him a louse; For I fear and mistrust such quarreling thieves: See, how he beginneth to strike up his sleeves!

JACK JUGGLER.

His a.r.s.e maketh b.u.t.tons now, and who l.u.s.teth to feel, Shall find his heart creeping out at his heel, Or else lying hidden in some corner of his hose, If it be not already dropped out of his nose.

For, as I doubt not but you have heard beforne, A more dastard coward knave was never born.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

The devil set the house a-fire! I trow it is accurst; When a man hath most haste, he speedeth worst; If I be robbed or slain, or any harm get, The fault is in them, that doth not me in let.

And I durst jeopard an hundred pound, That some bawdry might now within be found; But except some of them come the sooner, I shall knock such a peal, that all England shall wonder.

JACK JUGGLER.

Knock at the gate hardily again, if thou dare; And seeing thou wolt not by fair words beware, Now, fists, me-thinketh, yesterday seven past, That four men asleep at my feet you cast, And this same day you did no manner good, Nor were not washen in warm blood.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

What wh.o.r.eson is this that washeth in warm blood?

Some devil broken loose out of h.e.l.l for wood!

Four hath he slain, and now well I see, That it must be my chance the fifth to be!

But rather than thus shamefully to be slain, Would Christ my friends had hanged me, being but years twain!

And yet, if I take good heart and be bold, Percase he woll be more sober and cold.

JACK JUGGLER.

Now, hands, bestir you about his lips and face, And strike out all his teeth without any grace!

Gentleman, are you disposed to eat any fist-meat?

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

I have supped, I thank you, sir, and list not to eat: Give it to them that are hungry, if you be wise.

JACK JUGGLER.

It[181] shall do a man of your diet no harm to sup twice: This shall be your cheese to make your meat digest, For I tell you these hands weigheth of the best.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

I shall never escape: see, how he waggeth his hands!

JACK JUGGLER.

With a stroke they will lay a knave in our Lady-bonds,[182]

And this day yet they have done no good at all.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

Ere thou essay them on me, I pray thee lame them on the wall-- But speak you all this in earnest or in game?-- If you be angry with me, truly you are to blame; For have you any just quarrel to me?

JACK JUGGLER.

Ere thou and I part, that woll I show thee--

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

Or have I done you any manner displeasure?--

JACK JUGGLER.

Ere thou and I part, thou shalt know, thou mayest be sure--

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

By my faith, if you be angry without a cause, You shall have amends made with a couple of straws; By thee I set whatsoever thou art; But for thy displeasure I care not a fart.

May a man demand whose servant you be?

JACK JUGGLER.

My master's servant I am, for verity!

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

What business have you at this place now?

JACK JUGGLER.

Nay, marry, tell me what business hast thou?

For I am commanded for to watch and give diligence That, in my good Master Bongrace's absence, No misfortune may happen to his house, certain.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

Well now I am come, you may go hence again, And thank them that so much for my master hath done: Showing them that the servants of the house be come home, For I am of the house, and now in woll I go.

JACK JUGGLER.

I cannot tell whether thou be of the house or no; But go no near,[183] lest I handle thee like a stranger; Thank no man but thyself, if thou be in any danger.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

Marry, I defy thee, and plainly unto thee tell, That I am a servant of this house, and here I dwell.

JACK JUGGLER.

Now, so G.o.d me s.n.a.t.c.h, but thou go thy ways, While thou mayest, for this forty days I shall make thee not able to go nor ride But in a dung-cart or wheelbarrow lying on one side.

JENKIN CAREAWAY.

I am a servant of this house, by these ten bones--[184]

JACK JUGGLER.