A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xiv Part 103

CAPT. But I hope he had the grace to keep them.

JOLLY. No, no; I'm a fool, I!

CAPT. Was not my boy here?

JOLLY. No, we saw him not.

CAPT. A pox of the rogue! he's grown so lazy.

WILD. Your boy is come in just now, and called for the key of the back-door. There's women with him.

CAPT. O, that's well! 'tis Wanton: I sent for her to laugh over the story of the old lady and her pearl.

_Enter_ BOY.

Where have you been all this while, sirrah?

BOY. I could overtake the coach, sir, no sooner.

CAPT. The coach! what coach?

BOY. The Lady Loveall's.

CAPT. The Lady Loveall's! Why, what had you to do with her coach?

BOY. I went to give her the letter your worship sent her.

CAPT. The letter! What letter?

BOY. That your worship gave me.

CAPT. That I writ at Ned's house to Wanton?

BOY. The letter you gave me, sir, was directed to the Lady Loveall, and she stormed like a mad woman at reading of it.

[_The_ CAPTAIN _threatens to beat him_.

CARE. Why, thou wilt not beat the boy for thy own fault? What letter was it?

CAPT. 'Twas enough; only a relation of the pearl, wherein she finds herself sufficiently abused to Wanton.

JOLLY. Now, gentlemen, you have two to laugh at.

CAPT. A pox of fooling! let's resolve what to do. There's no denying, for she has all the particulars under my hand.

BOY. You must resolve of something, for she's coming, and stayed only till the back-door was opened.

CAPT. How did she know I was here?

BOY. Your worship bad me tell her you would stay here for her.

CARE. How came this mistake?

CAPT. Why, the devil owed us a shame, it seems. You know I went home to give Wanton an account how we advanced in our design; and when I was writing the superscription, I remember the boy came in and told me the Lady Loveall pa.s.sed by.

JOLLY. And so it seems you, in pure mistake, directed your letter to her.

CARE. Well, resolve what you'll do with her when she comes.

CAPT. Faith, bear it like men; 'tis only an old lady lost; let's resolve to defy her, we are sure of our pearl; but lest we prolong the war, take the first occasion you can all to avoid the room. When she's alone, I'll try whether she'll listen to a composition.

JOLLY. Have you no friends in the close committee?

CAPT. Yes, yes, I am an Ess.e.x man.[252]

CARE. Then get some of them to move, it may be voted no letter.

JOLLY. Ay, ay; and after 'tis voted no letter, then vote it false; scandalous, and illegal, and that is in it: they have a precedent for it in the Danish packet, which they took from a foolish fellow who, presuming upon the law of nations, came upon an emba.s.sy to the king without an order or pa.s.s from both houses!

CAPT. Hark, I hear her coming.

_Enter_ LOVEALL _and_ FAITHFUL.

LOVE. Sir, I received a letter, but by what accident, I know not; for I believe it was not intended [to] me, though the contents concern me.

CAPT. Madam, 'tis too late to deny it; is it peace or war you bring? without dispute, if war, I hang out my defiance: if peace, I yield my weapon into your hands.

LOVE. Are you all unworthy? your whole s.e.x falsehood? is it not possible to oblige a man to be loyal? this is such a treachery no age can match! apply yourself with youth and wit to gain a lady's love and friendship, only to betray it? was it not enough you commanded my fortune, but you must wreck my honour too, and instead of being grateful for that charity which still a.s.sisted your wants, strive to pay me with injuries, and attempt to make the world believe I pay to lose my fame; and then make me the scorned subject of your wh.o.r.e's mirth? Base and unworthy! [_He smiles._] Do you smile, false one? I shall find a time for you too, and my vengeance shall find you all.

FAITH. Yea, sir; and you that had such ready wit to proclaim my lady wh.o.r.e, and me bawd, I hope to see you load a gallows for it.

CAPT. Once again, is it peace or war?

LOVE. Peace! I'll have thy blood first, dog. Where's my pearl?

[_She speaks to_ WILD.] You ought to right me, sir, in this particular; it was to you I sent them.

WILD. Madam, I sent not for them.

CAPT. No more words: I have them, I earned them, and you paid them.

FAITH. You are a foul-mouthed fellow, sirrah.

LOVE. Peace, wench, I scorn their slander, it cannot shake my honour: 'tis too weighty and too fixed for their calumny.

JOLLY. I'll be sworn for my part on't; I think it is a great honour: I am sure I had as much as I could carry away in ten nights, and yet there was no miss on't.

CAPT. You! I think so; there's no mark of my work, you see, and yet I came after thee, and brought away loads would have sunk a sedan-man.

WILD. By this relation she should be a woman of a great fame.