A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xiv Part 95

[_Exit_ PARSON.

WAN. I'll follow you, and do what I can to be merry.

BAWD. Why, he stands already.

WAN. Peace, let me alone: I'll make him jostle like the miller's mare, and stand like the dun cow, till thou may'st milk him.

BAWD. Pray break him of his miserableness; it is one of the chief exceptions I have against him. He reared a puppy once, till it was ten days old, with three hap'worth of milk, and then with his own dagger slew it, and made me dress it: blessed myself to see him eat it, and he bid me beg the litter, and swore it was sweeter and wholesomer than sucking rabbits or London pigs, which he called Bellmen's issue.

PAR. [_Within._] Why, sweet heart!

WAN. Hark! he calls me. We must humour him a little, he'll rebel else.

SCENE VII.

_Enter (at the windows) the_ WIDOW _and_ MASTER CARELESS, MISTRESS PLEASANT _and_ MASTER WILD, CAPTAIN, MASTER SAD, CONSTANT, JOLLY, SECRET: _a table and knives ready for oysters_.

WID. You're welcome all, but especially Master Jolly. No reply with, _I thank your ladyship_.

PLEA. I beseech you, sir, let us never be better acquainted?

[_She speaks to_ MASTER JOLLY.

JOLLY. I shall endeavour, lady, and fail in nothing that is in my power to disoblige you; for there is none more ambitious of your ill opinion than I.

PLEA. I rejoice at it; for the less love, the better welcome still.

WID. And as ever you had an ounce of love for the widow, be not friends among yourselves.

WILD. Aunt, though we were at strife when we were alone, yet now we unite like a politic state against the common enemy.

PLEA. The common enemy! what is that?

WILD. Women, and lovers in general.

WID. Nay, then we have a party, niece: claim quickly, now is the time, according to the proverb, keep a thing seven years, and then if thou hast no use on't, throw't away.

PLEA. Agreed, let's challenge our servants: by the love they have professed, they cannot in honour refuse to join with us. And see where they come!

_Enter_ SAD _and_ CONSTANT, _and meet_ SECRET; _she whispers this to_ SAD.

SEC. Sir, 'tis done.

SAD. Be secret and grave, I'll warrant our design will take as we can wish.

CON. Sweet Mistress Pleasant!

WID. Servant Sad.

SAD. Madam.

WID. We are threatened to have a war waged against us: will you not second us?

SAD. With these youths we'll do enough, madam.

WID. I'll swear my servant gave hit for hit this morning, as if he had been a master in the n.o.ble science of wit.

PLEA. Mine laid about him with spick and span[224] new arguments, not like the same man: his old sayings and precedents laid by.

WID. Thus armed, then, we'll stand and defy them.

WILD. Where's your points? sure, aunt, this should be your wedding-day, for you have taken the man for better for worse.

WID. No, nephew, this will not prove the day, that we shall either give or take a ring.

CARE. Hang me, if I know you can go back again with your honour.

WILD. Or in justice refuse him liberty that has served out his time: either marry him, or provide for him, for he is maimed in your service.

WID. Why, servant Sad, you'll arm? my nephew has thrown the first dart at you.

CAPT. Hast hit, hast hit?

WILD. No, captain; 'twas too wide.

CAPT. Too wide! marry, he's an ill marksman that shoots wider than a widow.

JOLLY. We are both in one hole, captain; but I was loth to venture my opinion, lest her ladyship should think I was angry, for I have a good mind to fall upon the widow.

PLEA. You're a constant man, Master Jolly; you have been in that mind this twelvemonth's day.

CON. You are in the right, madam; she has it to show under his hand, but she will not come in the list with him again: she threw him the last year.

WID. Come, shall we eat oysters? Who's there? Call for some wine.

Master Jolly, you are not warm yet. Pray, be free, you are at home.

JOLLY. Your ladyship is merry.

WID. You do not take it ill to have me a.s.sure you, you are at home here?

WILD. Such another invitation (though in jest) will take away Master Sad's stomach.

[_Oysters not brought in yet._

SAD. No, faith, Ned, though she should take him, it will not take away my stomach: my love is so fixed, I may wish my wishes, but she shall never want them to wait upon hers.

PLEA. A traitor! bind him! has pulled down a side. Profess your love thus public?