A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xiv Part 81

HUS. Well, girl, thou shalt find me ready to appear before his grace at any time.

WIFE. You'll have a gracious bargain on't then, doubtless. Trust me, Jocelin, you will distemper all our ladies at court, if you push at the gate with your ram-horns.

HUS. She's possessed, sure.

WIFE. No, not yet; but I mean shortly to be possessed of my ale-money. You shall play no more the sharking foist with me, you fumbling fiddler, you. I hope I have friends at court that will take course that I may have my whole due; and then _foutre_ for Jocelin!

[_Exit._

HUS. Well, the thought is ta'en. I see one must thank G.o.d for a shrew as well as for a sheep, though the sheep have more wool on his back, and affords a more savoury repast at the board. Hanging and wedding go by destiny, and I hold the former to be the happier destiny of the twain; yet he that will practise the art of swinging in a halter, either to please or cross a shrew's humour, let him hang like a puppy without hope of pity, and die intestate to make his wife heir on't, till some nimble younker become his successor, and, stumbling on his grave, laugh at the cuckoldly slave.

[_Exit._

SCENE IV.

_Enter the cashiered_ CONFIDANTS, _in a discontented posture_.

FLO. Summoned to appear! for what? What have we done?

CAR. Incensed those humorous scornful ladies.

Thence rose the ground, I durst wager my beaver on't; They ought us a spite, and their information has done't.

PAL. This falls pat on their resolves: for those disdainful wenches, in the heat of their pa.s.sion, vowed jointly that revenge should kick up our heels.

SAL. Our heels are not so short, though theirs be. Should they pursue this information, it would dart highly on their dishonour.

MOR. Honour! what may that be in this age, but an airy t.i.tle?

These _bona-robas_ have not lost the art of ingratiating, nor deluding their servants. There be chimneys enough at court to convey their smoke. Beauty and confidence keep strong sentinels in love's army. They cannot want solicitors in a place of liberty.

TIL. Let them hold to't! Their complaints are but squibs in the air. Such whifflers are below my scorn, and beneath my spite.

Let's bravely on: I should account his fate The worst of ills, that's foil'd by woman's hate.

FLO. Yet 'twas Alcides' heavy fate, and he Was stronger far than twenty such as we.

[_Exeunt._

SCENE V.

_Enter the_ ALIMONY LADIES.

FRI. Convened to court! Some masque or princely ball, I'll gage mine honour on't. We must be employed, sisters.

CAV. And usefully too, I hope.

JUL. I see well the court can do nothing without our city revellers. Trust me, I am with child till I get to't: but my desires are enlivened for a sight of my lord especially.

JOC. Or your special lord, madam. We smell your meaning. As I am virtuous, he deserves your smile, or whatsoever may most endear him. I have known none at any time court love with a more graceful nor accurate presence. He can be both seriously amorous and amorously serious.

MED. Surely, Lady Joculette, you set him at a rate far above th'

market? you value him not as if you meant to sell.

JOC. No, nor buy neither. I have no property in such a rich pennyworth; for, if I had, I should wish----

MED. I know what, madam.

JOC. Good now! thy conceit?

MED. Shall I freely unbosom me?

ALL. Pray thee, madam; do, madam!

MED. You would wish that, his puny baker-legs had more Ess.e.x[178]

growth in them, for else they would make ill butcher's ware!

JOC. Thou art a shrewd wench, trust me.

TIN. Well, ladies, I know a new-minted lord, that can act the Spanish Don, with a peaked beard and a starched look, to an hair.

FRI. O Madam Tinder, I guess where you are; but he wants a little of your spirit. He can cringe and caress better than he dare fight. A lady's honour might perish under such a feverish champion.

CAR. For love's sake, let's make haste. Nothing will be done till we come.

_Enter_ CHRISTABEL _with a crutch_.

CHRIS. Good madam landlady, take lame Christabel along with you; she means to have a bout for her ale-money.

JOC. We shall not want, then, for handsome attendance.

[_Exeunt._

SCENE VI.

_Enter_ GENTLEMAN-USHER.

G.-USHER. Give way! make present way for his excellence and his consuls.

_Enter_ DUKE EUGENIO _and his Consuls. After them the deserted_ KNIGHTS; _the_ PLATONIC CONFIDANTS; _the_ ALIMONY LADIES; _the_ TUNIS ENGAGERS.

DUKE. As we have view'd and clear'd our foreign coasts, We're now to prune those wild luxurious sprays, Which give impede unto this spreading vine, Our flow'ry Seville, whose succeeding fame, Acquir'd by civil[179] discipline, exacts Our care and yours, grave councillors of state.

'Tis not enough with balms to close the skin, And leave the wound t' exulcerate within; For he, whose care's to cure the core without And searcheth not the bottom, spoils the root.

Let's first then look on vices, which put on The face of virtue; and where modesty (Merely dissembled) cloth'd with taking beauty, Arms itself strongly 'gainst all opposition.

Nay, what retains ofttimes such influence On reverend scarlet, as it darks the light Of judgment; and makes elders fix their eyes On rare-light objects, which so strangely takes, As they make judges vice's advocates.

But here's none such, I hope. Our state is free, And so our patriots and state-consuls be.

Complaints inform us, and we wond'red much At th' first perusal, how a feminine nature, So sweetly pleasing, should be so deprav'd.

FRI. What means the duke?