A Kind Of Madness Part 17

Only she wasn't the nervy type, and she and Peter had still not yet finally set a date for the wedding. So what was wrong with her? Why was she experiencing these unfamiliar longings, these disruptive needs which had never previously featured in her life?

"Everything OK here?"

She tensed, her hand trembling as she heard Carter's voice behind her.

Resolutely refusing to turn round or to acknowledge the soft, almost caring note in his voice, she kept her back to him and said curtly, "Yes."

She could still feel his presence behini her, as though he was waiting for something. The skin at the back of her neck p.r.i.c.kled dangerously.

Slid demy sweat broke out on her skin. The heat of the sun, she told herself chokily, even though before Carter's arrival its early morning warmth had not bothered her at all.

"Elspeth."

Her muscles locked. If he touched her now, if he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her round to face him, if he looked into her eyes, searched her face. if he bent his head until she could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin. He would taste of toothpaste and coffee; his mouth would be warm and male and the taste of it would make her go faint and dizzy with pleasure.

"Elspeth, are you all right?"

She realised sickly that she was actually swaying towards him, that her body, already visibly aroused by her own thoughts, was yearning towards him as though to the pull of a magnet.

"You shouldn't have got up so early. There was no need," she heard Carter saying roughly.

"You aren't used to this kind of life. I should never..."

It was too much. Something inside her suddenly snapped and she turned on him and said shakily, "You should never have kissed me--is that what you were going to say? Well, you're quite right, you should not, and I wish more than anything else in the world that you had not, but if you think that just because you did kiss me that I'm incapable of doing anything other than swooning at your feet in grat.i.tude then think again. And now, if you wouldn't mind leaving me alone, perhaps, I could get on with what I'm doing."

She saw that he was staring at her as though he'd never really seen her before, and no wonder, she thought numbly. She was behaving like ;i virago, like a fool, like a woman in love. A woman in love.

She felt the rush of sensation burn through her, heard the distant sound of a car arriving, lieard the bark of the dogs and the confusion of car doors opening, but it all seemed to be happening on another level, in another place. She was incapable of doing anything other than standing fans fixed while she tried to grapple with her own on fused thoughts. A woman in love. Well, that was what she was, wasn't she? She was in love with Peter.

Only she and Peter had always said seriously and firmly that they were not 'in love'; that being 'in love' was not a state they desired. They were good friends, they cared deeply for one another, and when they married their marriage would be successful because it was not confused by motions that might ultimately fade. People in love were people who were suffering a kind of madness.

A kind of madness. was that it--was she going mad? She looked at Carter with bewildered, anguished eyes, but he was already looking away from her and saying quickly, "I must go. Someone's just arrived."

Someone had, as Elspeth saw--a slender blonde woman was hurrying towards them, her face breaking into a warm smile as she spotted Carter.

"Carter, how wonderful to see you!" she called out eagerly.

"You're very naughty, you know. You promised to come over for dinner and you still haven't done. I'm dying to show off my new house to you.

I'm glad now that I offered to come over this morning and collect our stuff. Is it ready now or am I too early?"

Elspeth turned back to her peas, not wanting to watch Carter returning the blonde's comments. Not wanting to see what? Carter taking another woman in his arms, kissing her as he had kissed. But no--she wasn't going to allow her thoughts to stray down that road, not again. It was too painful, too self-revealing, too dangerous.

In the distance she could still hear the woman talking to Carter, her light, flirtatious tones mingling with his deeper, very male voice.

She laughed, the sound setting Elspeth's teeth on edge.

They were coming towards her, she recognised, desperately trying to lose herself at the back of the pea sticks.

"So you won't forget. We're expecting you for dinner just as soon as Kate and Richard get back."

"I'm looking forward to it," Carter a.s.sured her.

We. Elspeth's heart thumped. Did that mean the woman was married? If so, what was she doing flirting so outrageously with Carter? she wondered fiercely.

"Oh, and good luck with the auction this afternoon."

They were moving away again. Thank goodness. Elspeth didn't want to see them together, didn't want to see the other woman's hand resting possessively on Carter's tanned arm, didn't want to see Carter turning towards her, smiling at her She bit her lip sharply, trembling with the force of her own emotions.

Unwanted emotions, ridiculous emotions, emotions she had no right to feel.

By eleven o'clock Elspeth was exhausted. She had just watched what Carter had said was the last of their customers drive away, and now the men, apparently as full of energy as they had been at five o'clock, were turning to study the depleted rows of produce, while Carter arranged which seedlings were to be transferred from the nursery beds to form fresh new rows.

"Why don't you go in?" he suggested to her, when the two men had moved away.

"It' i hot out here, and you aren't..."

"Aren't what?" she demanded fiercely, her eyes daring him to suggest that her strength was less than his.

"Aren't used to working outside in this kind of heat," he told her calmly.

"At the very least you ought to be wearing a hat of some sort." He looked at his watch.

"Look, I've got to be at this auction at two. Why don't we stop now and have an early lunch? You could come with me if you like."

Go with him. Elspeth stared at him, wondering what on earth had prompted such an invitation.

"I can't," she told him stiffly.

"I ... I.

promised I'd ring Peter. "

It wasn't true and there was no way he could know that she was lying, and yet the way he looked at her made her feel that somehow he did.

"Besides," she added feverishly, 'you said you'd be gone for most of the afternoon and everything will need watering, especially with this heat. "

"Not until later."

She turned back to her self-imposed task of checking the growth of the new rows of peas, and said as casually as she could, "You go on ahead.

I'm not hungry yet. "

It was a lie--her stomach had been noisily reminding her for the last hour that she hadn't had any breakfast, but the last thing she felt capable of enduring right now was an intimate lunch with Carter.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw his mouth tighten as though he was contemplating arguing with her, and then to her relief he turned on his heel and walked away from her.

He had been gone less than half an hour when she was forced to acknowledge that he had been right and that the combination of no breaki'ast, hard physical work, and a very hot sun had produced not only a poundingly sick headache, but also a weak, shivery feeling that she very much feared heralded the onset of heat-stroke. But much as she longed to go back to the house and lie down in the coolness of a shaded bedroom, her pride would not allow her to return while Carter was still about.

The auction didn't start until two. That Tieant he probably didn't need to leave until one. It was eleven-forty-five now, and the sun was getting hotter and stronger by the minute.