A Hundred Thousand Words Part 7

After hefting my bag up my shoulder, I cross my arms. "I'm not growly." Am I? I've never seen myself that way. Yeah, I don't like to share my business with the world but that's different than being an a.s.shole, which is basically what she's saying.

"You've been kind of growly the past month, dude," Brian throws in but I can tell he's just trying to give me s.h.i.t. Or stick up for his girl so he gets laid tonight.

"Do you guys have a point? I'd like to wait for my bus in peace." Oh yeah, I'm growly.

"I just thought maybe we could all go do something. Your roommate can come too, if he wants. Brian and I wanted to go out, but we're not sure about hitting up a party. I figured your birthday would be a good excuse to go out. I've only seen you at one party since we got back to school."

What the h.e.l.l? That can't be true. I go out all the time.

"You've seemed a little down," she adds.

Which should definitely not be the case. There's nothing for me to be down about. In fact, I should still be feeling stoked that I got a piece of Levi Baxter's a.s.s. "School's kicking my b.u.t.t. And yeah, I'll probably go out tonight."

"He probably wants to go get laid tonight, Cherise. Not hang out with us."

Brian is right. Not that I have a problem with them, but h.e.l.l, it is my birthday.

"Well, it's not like he has to hang out with us all night!" She rolls her eyes and a strand of blond hair falls in her face. Brian pushes it behind her ear for her. The movement seems like such a natural reflex for him and for some reason, it makes me wonder if my dad used to do things like that for my mom, or if she ever did for him. I don't remember stuff like that. I sure as h.e.l.l know I've never done something similar to anyone. It's so simple yet intimate at the same time.

"Brian's right." I pull myself out of my useless thoughts. "And yeah, I wouldn't mind chilling but I'll probably go to a gay club."

They both laugh and then Brian shrugs before putting an arm around Cherise. "I don't give a s.h.i.t about that. Gay club, straight club, they all serve alcohol, so it's the same to me. I'm secure enough in my manhood that it doesn't matter. I have my girl so I'm not looking for anyone else, anyway."

I hadn't really expected him to say that, but I'm still not sure I want to include them in my plans for the night. I'm twenty-one, h.o.r.n.y, and want to get drunk, so why does it matter if they go?

"Come on, Toby. Let us treat you to a drink. We can talk about that paper for English Literature. I trust your judgment and I'm really curious how you feel about-"

"No!" both Brian and I say at the same time.

"What?" Her eyes go wide, but I can tell she knows what we mean.

"We're not going out and talking about school, baby. That's why it's the weekend. We're going out to get faded."

Cherise's cheeks turn pink. "Toby's really smart. I just wanted to get his opinion on-"

"Shh." He puts a finger to her lips. "We said no. You're breaking the rule of weekends. No school s.h.i.t. Give Toby your phone so he can put his number in."

Cherise pouts but does as he says. I'm fine with exchanging numbers, but my plans are still up in the air as far as I'm concerned. I know my roommate Xavier will be looking for the same kind of action I'll be seeking tonight, so my first choice for company will likely be him. We're cool, but we don't usually hang out much.

I look up to see the bus nearly hitting the curb as it rumbles to a stop in front of me. "I'll let you guys know if I'm going out."

They both wave and I get on the bus to head back to my apartment. The second I fall into the seat, my phone rings. What the f.u.c.k? I have no idea why I'm so popular today. Pulling it out of my pocket, I see Chris's name on the screen. "I'm officially twenty-one and will be partying without you," I say instead of h.e.l.lo. He laughs.

"That's because you had to go to school in San Francisco."

"No, it's your fault because you had to go back East."

"Happy birthday, man. What are you going to do?"

I don't know I'm completely sure of the details until I open my mouth and say, "There's this club in town...Blue Velvet. I've heard it's pretty dope. I think I'm going to go there."

Yeah, it's decided. I'm going to go out. I'm going to invite Xavier and text Cherise and Brian. I'm tired of sitting around and moping because some dude I slept with bailed and hasn't talked to me in weeks.

My childhood fantasy came true. I had Levi Baxter, and now it's time to move the f.u.c.k on.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN.

I answered Xavier's ad for a roommate, and that's how the whole living-together thing started. My soph.o.m.ore year I wanted off campus. The price for living on campus is more expensive and even with my loans, I struggle for money. Although I preferred living on my own, rooming with someone was the only way to make getting out of the dorms an option. He's cool. A little different, but cool. He spends most of his home time playing video games. When he's gone, I have no idea where he is or what he does. We get along alright, and stay out of each other's way. Neither of us gives a s.h.i.t about the other one bringing a guy home, so it works.

We don't really hang out that often, but I know Xavier likes to hit up clubs, so I'm sure he'll be down to go tonight. We've gone like twice together.

When I get back to our apartment, he's on the couch with a cigarette in his mouth and a video game controller in his tattooed hands, his black-painted fingernails moving swiftly across the b.u.t.tons. If he's gotten ready for the day, he'll be wearing eyeliner as well. His skin's maybe a shade lighter than mine. His last name is Ramos, so I know his dad is Hispanic. Not sure about his mom, though.

"What are you doing tonight?" The door closes with a soft click behind me.

"Chillin'. You?" He doesn't turn away from the game.

After tossing my backpack to the table, I watch the video screen for a few moments. Xavier pushes his dark hair out of his eyes but still doesn't stop the action on the screen.

"I'm twenty-one today." I shrug. "I thought maybe we could go out."

When he finally turns my way, Xavier's brows pull together. "That's the first time you've asked me to hang out with you."

I'm not sure why this matters. "We've gone out."

"But you've never asked. No biggie. I just thought it was funny. I think you want to be my friend. I wasn't sure at first. You're weird with people."

Weird with people? Who just throws that out there at someone? "Are you high?"

Xavier laughs. "Yeah, that doesn't change anything. It's just funny. When we met up to see about you moving in here, I wasn't sure it would work. You're a little too pretty-boy. I thought we'd b.u.mp heads, but then I realized you're cool. A little distant, but cool. Yeah, I'm down to go out tonight, though. Where we going?"

My mind stutters as I try to keep up with all his subject changes. The guy has no filter, and he doesn't know me. But what he said about me being distant and weird with people bugs me. I'm not distant with people. No, I don't want to be close with everyone I meet, but there's nothing wrong with that. Most people let you down. The less people I allow that opportunity, the better. Chris is the only one who's never let me down.

He leans forward, stubs out his cigarette in the ashtray, and then walks over to dump it in the trash on the balcony. He doesn't smoke inside very often and when he does, he always dumps the ashtray right after.

Trying to push his words out of my head, I say, "I figured we could check out Blue Velvet."

"Sounds dope." The slider sticks slightly, but then he pulls it closed. "I'm gonna take a nap so I'm ready for tonight. I had to be up way too f.u.c.king early this morning." He walks out of the living room, down the hall and into his room. He closes the door without another word. For some reason I'm stuck in the same spot, thinking about everything he said.

"You look good." Xavier laughs as we walk down the street toward Blue Velvet. It's only about a twenty-minute walk from our apartment, which could possibly feel like an eternity when I'm walking home tonight, if I come home tonight, but it's a chance I'm willing to take.

I'm wearing red Converse, black jeans and a tight, red shirt. I like the way red looks against my skin. "But still pretty-boy?" I tease him about what he said earlier.

"Yeah, but that's okay. I'm an equal-opportunity lover. I don't do roommates though, so we're screwed. Sorry to break your heart."

A laugh jumps out of my mouth. He's a cool guy. It makes me wonder why I don't hang out with him more often. "Excuse me while I cry. Now I'm going to have to drown my sorrows in my beer tonight."

Xavier chuckles and we finish our walk to the club. Brian and Cherise are waiting in front of the old building with the blue awning. She notices me right away and smiles.

"That your people?" Xavier asks. It's my reflex to say no, but then I remember what he said earlier about me being distant, so I pretend I'm closer to them than I am.

"Yeah."

I make introductions and then the four of us wait in line to get into the club. It doesn't take very long despite the long line, and this time, I get to use my real ID instead of my fake one.

The bouncer, a tall black guy with dreads, winks at me and tells me happy birthday as we go inside.

"Let's. .h.i.t the bar. I'll buy you a drink for your birthday." Xavier heads toward the alcohol. Hip-hop blasts through the speakers as hundreds of people dance and move together. There's a roped off section with a few tables, people in every chair. The club is full of a wide variety of people-young and old, male and female, suits, and jeans.

"Brian and I have your second one. It's your birthday. You shouldn't have to buy your own drinks," Cherise chimes in.

"No, you don't-"

"Toby!" She yells over the loud music that vibrates in my chest, and I roll my eyes at her.

Dude. What's wrong with not wanting everyone to buy my s.h.i.t? "Yeah, sure. Whatever. Buy me drinks. That works for me."

Xavier and Cherise both buy me shots when we get to the bar. The first burns more than the second as I let the warm fireball slide down my throat, one drink after the other.

"Do you wanna dance?" Xavier steps in close to me, a hand at my waist. I can tell he repainted his nails. He's wearing his black eyeliner that matches his hair and a black b.u.t.ton-down shirt, left open with a white tee under it. I agree with him on the no roommate thing, but if we didn't live together, I'd definitely hit on him. That doesn't mean we can't dance though.

"Yeah. Let's do it." The four of us make our way to the dance floor. Every so often I catch a glimpse of half-naked men dancing on tables and playing the crowd to get money shoved in their underwear. But mostly I just concentrate on dancing. I'm sweating and Cherise is laughing, and true to his word, Brian looks as comfortable as every other guy in this place. Not that he shouldn't be, but some people act screwed up about things like that.

Xavier dances with me, then turns to dance with someone else. When I see Cherise's eyes go wide, I look over my shoulder to see him making out with whoever his new partner is.

"My sheltered little girl." Brian wraps his arms around her as they keep moving. They've been together a long time. I can see it in the way their bodies touch and the familiarity in everything they do.

My heart's beating faster than the music and I have cottonmouth, so I lean forward and say, "I'm going to cruise around, check things out and get a drink."

"We'll come with you!" Cherise yells back. She doesn't have to yell, though, because the crowds have pushed her so close. In fact, it's getting more crowded in here by the second, hard to breathe and definitely hard to walk. Bodies are packed in around me like a herd of cattle.

f.u.c.k. I'd hoped that wouldn't be her reply. Brian laughs before telling her, "I'm pretty sure he wants to be alone for a while. Or at least not with us. If we see you around later, cool. If not, it was good hanging out with you, man."

Some of the weight eases off my chest. I'm glad he gets it. Plus, in all honesty, they can't really want to spend the night at a gay club with some guy they hardly know. Yeah, I have a few cla.s.ses with Cherise and we talk in cla.s.s, but before today, that was the extent of our interaction.

My muscles tense up slightly when she gives me a hug, invading my s.p.a.ce. Why do people insist on hugging goodbye and h.e.l.lo when we'll see each other again soon? I've never gotten that. Or why they'd hug someone when they don't even know if that person likes to be touched.

Awkwardly, I pat her on the back, thank her for hanging out with me and then make my escape. This whole day has been odd. I'm ready for some normalcy and hoping like h.e.l.l I find it, and maybe someone to temporarily enjoy it with, too.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN.

The bar's my first stop. I order a shot of Fireball and swallow it in one gulp. The gla.s.s. .h.i.ts a little too hard on the bar when I set it down. Everyone's having a good time tonight. I'm twenty-one, h.o.r.n.y, and out. What more is there to want?

Nothing. Which is why I can't understand why there's a sour feeling rolling in my gut that has nothing to do with the alcohol. I feel off tonight and I don't know why.

The guy next to me leans closer, his mouth against my ear. "You're entirely too angry for hanging in a place like this."

He's probably exactly what I need. Distraction, fun. "Who says I'm angry?" I lean back and look at him. He's hot. He has dark hair that's buzzed short except for at the top. It's a couple inches long there and styled upward. He's got a pierced ear, a ring in his nose and eyes so blue I'm not sure they're real, lined with black eyeliner. He grins. Oh yeah, he knows I'm looking.

"Maybe I don't need you to say it. Maybe I'm psychic."

He loses a few points with that one, but I decide to keep playing the game with him. It's not like I have anything else going on at the moment. "If you're psychic, what am I thinking?" I cross my arms and wait for him to answer.

"You're considering walking away after my cheesy-a.s.s line, but you think I'm hot so you'll stick around." He winks and if I'm being honest, a low burn starts deep in my gut at his reply.

"That so? What if you're not my type?"

He rolls his eyes as if I'm being ridiculous, and in a lot of ways, I guess I am. "I'm your type. At least for a night. You're mine, too. But I'll make you a deal. I'll buy you another drink, we'll talk and you can decide if I'm right about you. Sound good...?" He draws the last part out like he's fishing for my name, and I figure what the h.e.l.l and answer him.

"Tobias."

"Nice to meet you, Tobias. I'm Seth." He reaches for my hand and I shake his. "What do you want?"

"Rum and c.o.ke."

"See? I knew you liked me. You could have ordered another shot so you wouldn't have to talk to me for as long."

Oh, he's f.u.c.king good. But still. "Or I ordered something that would take me longer to drink because I don't want to leave here with you."

Seth pretends to clutch his chest. "All I've done is be nice to you and you have to go and hurt my feelings that way."

We both laugh and I think again that Seth might be exactly what I need for my birthday. Not to hang out with people who obviously thought I'd be alone tonight, or someone who thinks I'm distant. And yeah, maybe I need to change the fact that Levi f.u.c.king Baxter was the last person I've been with.

Seth winks at me when I don't respond to his previous statement. "I'll win you over, because I have no problem admitting you're s.e.xy as f.u.c.k, and I'd leave here with you in a second."

The burn in my gut turns to an ache and heads south, landing in my d.i.c.k. "I'd reply to that but you already know the answer since you're psychic."

The bartender makes his way to us again. Seth orders us each a rum and c.o.ke, but I pull out the cash to pay for my own. His brows knit together and I can tell he doesn't like it, but he doesn't argue with me about it.

We nurse our drinks and bulls.h.i.t for the next few minutes. He's from San Francisco, has lived here his whole life. He broke up with his boyfriend a couple months ago and is just looking to have a good time.

He's a cool guy. Would make a good hook-up, which I knew from the start. He's attracted to me and I'm attracted to him. We're both single and those are really the only things to consider.

When I empty my gla.s.s, Seth leans closer to me again, "You're gonna say yes. Am I right?" He touches my leg.