A Guide to Men Part 5

He is merely trying to let you know, in a modest way, that he is a profound, fascinating mystery.

A man s.n.a.t.c.hes the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth--and endures all the rest of them.

After two years, an engagement doesn't need to be broken; it just naturally sags in the middle and comes apart.

Eve had as much choice in the matter of a husband as any other woman.

She merely accepted what fate sent her, and pretended to have gotten her "ideal."

It is not much comfort to be able to keep your husband's material body in the house evenings, when his astral body keeps wandering off to the club, every few minutes.

In love, sweet are the uses of diversity!

A woman's love "bursts into flower," but judging from the time it takes him to discover it, a man's love must be developed by the wearisome process of geological formation.

If a man and a diamond are big and brilliant enough, one doesn't mind a few flaws in them; but, for some reason, Heaven knows why, a woman and a pearl are expected to be absolutely perfect.

When Fate places a laurel wreath on the brow of a genius she hitches a plough to his shoulders and holds a Tantalus cup to his lips.

It isn't the man who paints his virtues in three colors and begs her to marry him, but the one who paints his sins in vermilion and begs her to "save" him who usually wins the girl.

If you want a man to propose don't try to make your family coddle him.

Make them hate him, because a man never really "takes hold" until somebody begins to pull the other way.

The man who falls in love at first sight never knows what has struck him, and therefore mercifully escapes all the agonizing slow-torture of feeling himself sink, inch by inch, into the quicksands of matrimony.

Never believe that justice is all you owe your husband; what every man needs, from the woman who loves him, is faith, hope and charity--and above all, _mercy_.

Even a coquette can be loyal to one man--until she prefers another; but a man's heart is like a ferry-boat--always going backward and forward, and never staying "docked."

Soft, sweet things with a lot of fancy dressing--that is what a little boy loves to eat and a grown man prefers to marry.

SECOND INTERLUDE

TO find your mate--that is luck; to know him when you find him--that is inspiration; to win him when you know him--that is art; and to keep him when you've won him--that is a _miracle_.

A woman wastes more time in dreaming over a past flirtation than it would take a man to start a half dozen new ones.

Flattery affects a man like any other sort of "dope." It stimulates and exhilarates him for the moment, but usually ends by going to his head and making him act foolish.

The only way to be happy in this world is to take men and flirtations as they come--and _let them go_ as they go.

Almost any straight path of devotion will lead to a woman's heart. It's this zigzagging from sentiment to cold fear and from adoration to self-preservation, that makes the way so long and dangerous for the average man.

Solomon may have been the most famous _husband_ who ever lived, but as a _hero_ he isn't in it with the man who manages to get along happily and contentedly all through life with just _one_ wife!

Woman! The peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch, and the sinner his justification!

Everybody seems to be going through life at automobile speed nowadays; but alas, there are no sentimental garages by Life's wayside at which we may obtain a fresh supply of emotions, purchase a new thrill or patch up an exploded ideal.

A man's work lasts from sun to sun, but his excuses for staying late at the office are never done.

Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his n.o.bler instincts and his higher nature--and another woman to help him forget them.

Never rush into a love affair. Love is a waiting game, which requires nerve, concentration, and a poker face.

The average man marries one woman just in order to escape from a lot of others--and then flirts with a lot of others just in order to forget that he is married to one.

Once a girl's heart beat faster at the sound of her sweetheart's footstep on the garden path; but now it requires the hum of a twelve-cylinder motor-car to rouse her from her la.s.situde.

The one thing about love-making that the modern man simply can't understand is that, in order to make it thrilling and interesting, he must really put a little _love_ in it.

In the war of the s.e.xes a woman hides her scars of battle beneath a smile and a coat of rouge. A man goes about displaying his as proudly as though they were medals.

Occasionally one meets a man who plunges into a love affair as he plunges into the surf, but most of them just sit back lazily on the beach and let the waves of emotion splash harmlessly over them.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

THE GREATEST SHOCK A TEMPERAMENTAL WOMAN CAN RECEIVE IS TO WAKE UP AND FIND THAT SHE IS MARRIED TO A HUMAN BEING INSTEAD OF AN IDEAL

[Ill.u.s.tration: Married to a human being . . .]

BRIDES

"NEVERS" FOR THE "RIB."

NEVER ask him to kiss you. Make your kisses a privilege, not a duty; a luxury, not a morning and evening "ch.o.r.e."

Never refuse to kiss him--but sometimes keep him waiting a little while.

Love thrives so much better on the stimulant of suspense than on the anaesthetic of memory.

Never question him about his past love affairs. It is not the women he _has loved_, but those he _has not yet loved_, who will bother you.

Never fling your old flames in his face. If you do he will soon cease to be jealous of the men you "might have married" and begin to _envy_ them.

Never accuse him of being less ardent than he was before he married you.

Many a husband would never discover that he was no longer madly in love, if his wife did not keep constantly reminding him of it.

Never chide him for the same fault more than once.

A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little "personal characteristics."