A Fool and His Money Part 49

"Oh, I'm not Hebraic," said I quickly. "My ancestors _were_ Dutch. They came over with the original skin grafters."

She looked puzzled for a moment. The Countess laughed. Then Jasper saw the point. Colingraft was the last to see it, and then it was too late for him to smile.

We had tea in the loggia and I dined with the family in the Countess's apartment at eight that night. I think Mrs. t.i.tus was rather favourably impressed when she beheld me in my own raiment. Britton had smoothed out my evening clothes until they almost shone, and I managed to carry myself with unusual buoyancy.

Everything went very well that evening. We were all in fine humour and the dinner was an excellent one. I perpetrated but one unhappy blunder.

I asked Mrs. t.i.tus if she knew the Riley-Werkheimers and the Rocks-worths in New York.

"Visually," she said succinctly, and I made haste to change the subject.

The Countess looked amused, and Colingraft said something about it being more than likely that we did not have any mutual acquaintances in New York. His sister came to my rescue with a very amusing and exaggerated account of my experience with the Riley-Werkheimers and Rocksworths. Jasper was enthusiastic. Something told me that I was going to like him.

My real troubles began the next day--and at the rather unseemly hour of eight o'clock in the morning. Colingraft came down the hall in a bath-gown and slippers, banged on my bedroom door, and wanted to know why the devil he couldn't have hot water for his bath. He was too full-blooded, and all that sort of thing, he said, to take a cold plunge. Moreover, he wasn't used to taking his tub in a tin-cup. (That was his sarcastic way of referring to my portable, handy bath-tub.) I asked him why he didn't ring for Britton, and he said he did but that Britton was a.s.sisting Jasper in a wild chase for a bat which had got into the lad's room during the night.

"Thank your lucky stars it didn't get into Mother's room," he said surlily. I silently thanked them.

He made such a row about his tub that I had to give him the pail of hot water Britton had placed in my bedroom, preparatory to my own bath.

At breakfast Jasper complained about the bats. He couldn't for the life of him see why I didn't have screens in the windows.

Later on Mrs. t.i.tus, who had coffee and toast in her room, joined us in the loggia and announced that the coffee was stone cold. Moreover, she did not like the guest-chamber into which she had been moved by order of the Countess. It was too huge for a bed-chamber, and the iron window shutters creaked all night long.

"But don't you love the view you have of the Danube?" I queried, rather mournfully.

"I don't sit in the window all night, Mr. Smart," she said tartly.

I at once insisted on her resuming possession of my bedroom, and promptly had all of my things moved into the one she had occupied during the night. When the Countess heard of this arrangement she was most indignant. She got me off in a corner and cruelly informed me that I hadn't the vestige of a backbone. She must have said something to her mother, too, for when evening came around I had to move back into my own room, Mrs. t.i.tus sweetly a.s.suring me that under no consideration would she consent to impose upon my good nature and hospitality to such an extent, etc., etc.

During the day, at odd times, Colingraft made lofty suggestions in regard to what could be done with the place to make it more or less inhabitable, and Jasper,--who, by the way, I was beginning to fear I should not like after all,--said he'd just like to have a whack at the thing himself. First thing he'd do would be to turn some of those old, unused rooms into squash and racquet courts, and he'd also put in a swimming-pool and a hot-water plant.

Late in the afternoon, I stole far up into the eastern tower to visit my adorable friend Rosemary. We played house together on the nursery floor and I soon got over my feeling of depression. But even in play I was made to realise that I was not the master of the house. She ruled me with the utmost despotism, but I didn't mind. She permitted me to sip honey from that cunning place in her little neck and managed to call me Unko. My heart grew warm and soft again under the spell of her.

The Countess watched us at play from her seat by the window. She was strangely still and pensive. I had the feeling that she was watching me all the time, and that there was a shadow of anxiety in her lovely eyes. She smiled at our pranks, and yet there was something sad in the smile.

I was young again with Rosemary, and full of glee. She took me out of myself. I forgot the three t.i.tuses and with them many of my woes. Here was a cure for the blues: this gay little kiddie of the unspeakable Tarnowsy!

I lay awake for hours that night, but when I finally went to sleep and heaven knows I needed it!--it was with the soporific resolution to put my house rigidly in order the very next day. I would be polite about it, but very firm. The t.i.tus family (omitting the Countess and Rosemary) was to be favoured with an ultimatum from which there could be no appeal. John Bellamy Smart had decided--with Morpheus smoothing out the wrinkles of perplexity--that he would be master in his own house.

My high resolve flattened itself out a little after the sound sleep I had, and I make no doubt I should have wavered sadly in my purpose had not a crisis arisen to shape my courage for me in a rather emphatic way.

Shortly after breakfast Mrs. t.i.tus came downstairs very smartly gowned for the street. She announced that she was going into the town for an hour or two and asked me to have one of the Schmicks ferry her across the river. There was a famous antique shop there--memory of other days--and she wanted to browse a while in search of bra.s.ses and bronzes.

I looked at her, aghast. I recognised the crisis, but for a moment was unable to marshal my powers of resistance. Noting my consternation, she calmly a.s.sured me that there wouldn't be the least danger of detection, as she was going to be heavily veiled and _very_ cautious.

"My dear Mrs. t.i.tus," I murmured in my dismay, "it isn't to be considered. I am sure you won't persist in this when I tell you that Tarnowsy's agents are sure to see you and--"

She laughed. "Tarnowsy's agents! Why should they be here?"

"They seem to be everywhere."

"I can a.s.sure you there is none within fifty miles of Schloss Rothhoefen. Our men are in the city. Four of them preceded me. This morning I had Mr. Bangs telephone to the hotel where the chief operative is staying--in the guise of an American tourist, and he does it very cleverly for an Englishman, too,--and he a.s.sures me that there is absolutely no danger. Even Mr. Bangs is satisfied."

"I am forced to say that I am by no means satisfied that it is a safe or wise thing to do, Mrs. t.i.tus," I said, with more firmness than I thought I possessed.

She raised her delicate eyebrows in a most exasperating well-bred, admonitory way.

"I am quite sure, Mr. Smart, that Dillingham is a perfectly trustworthy detective, and--"

"But why take the slightest risk?"

"It is necessary for me to see Dillingham, that is the long and short of it," she said coldly. "One can't discuss things over a telephone, you know. Mr. Bangs understands. And, by the way, Mr. Smart, I have taken the liberty of calling up the central office of the telephone company to ask if they can run an extension wire to my dressing-room.

I hope you do not mind."

"Not in the least. I should have thought of it myself."

"You have so much to think of, poor man. And now will you be good enough to have Hawkes order the man to row me across the--"

"I am very sorry, Mrs. t.i.tus," said I firmly, "but I fear I must declare myself. I cannot permit you to go into the town to-day."

She was thunderstruck. "Are you in earnest?" she cried, after searching my face rather intently for a moment.

"Unhappily, yes. Will you let me explain--"

"The _idea!_" she exclaimed as she drew herself to her full height and withered me with a look of surpa.s.sing scorn. "Am I to regard myself as a prisoner, Mr. Smart?"

"Oh, I beg of you, Mrs. t.i.tus--" I began miserably.

"Please answer my question."

Her tone cut me like the lash of a whip. My choler rose.

"I do not choose to regard myself as a jailer. My only object in opposing this--"

"I have never known anything so absurd." Two bright red spots appeared in her cheeks. "Your att.i.tude is most extraordinary. However, I shall go to the city this morning, Mr. Smart. Pray give me the credit of having sense enough to--Ah, Colingraft."

The two sons approached from the breakfast-room, where they had been enjoying a ten o'clock chop. Colingraft, noting his mother's attire, accelerated his speed and was soon beside us.

"Going out, Mother?" he enquired, flicking the ash from his cigarette.

"If Mr. Smart will be good enough to withdraw his opposition," she said icily.

He gave me a sharp look. "What's up?"

"Mrs. t.i.tus doesn't seem to realise the risk she runs in--"

"Risk? Do you suppose, Mr. Smart, I would jeopardise my daughter's--"

"What's up?" repeated Colingraft insistently.

"Mr. Smart calmly informs me that I am not to go into the city."