12 Steps to Raw Foods Part 7

1/2 cup water 2 tablespoons olive oil Five strong flavors Blend well.

Yield: 3/4 cup of delicious dressing

Basic Formula for Delicious Nut or Seed Milk

1/2 cup any nuts or seeds, soaked in water overnight and drained 1 cup water 1 tablespoon sweetener (optional) Blend well and strain through a nut milk bag. For "skim" milk use more water.

*Please see the recipe in Part 4 of this book.

*Food combining was first described in the early twentieth century by Dr. William Howard Hay. Its principles encourage separating specific foods, eating certain ones together, and only in specified meals.

Step 4

I LOVE YOU NO MATTER.

WHAT YOU EAT.

"A man may well bring a horse to the water, but he cannot make him drink."

-John Heywood, Proverbs Once at my workshop I asked my audience a question: "What emotions do you feel when someone tells you what to do?"

Most of us have probably been given unsolicited advice countless times, beginning from childhood. Remember when you were a kid and your mom or your dad said, "You're running around in the streets too much, you really need to read more books"? Try recalling how you felt in such a situation. Did you immediately feel drawn to books? Did you say, "Oh, thank you, Dad, I'll go and read right now!"? Chances are you felt rebellious and resentful, and the last thing you wanted to do was pick up a book, sit down, and read. Or recall a time when a friend said to you something along the lines of, "You need to start jogging. You're getting fat." Or, "You should cut off those awful dreadlocks." Or, "You really should stop smoking. You have children." What was your reaction? Did these suggestions help you? Probably not. Following are some of my students' responses to other people's "helpful suggestions."

Nancy: I would breathe a little smile, but of course I wouldn't do it.

Mike: I'd get angry and resentful.

Dorothy: I would feel defensive, and I hate that feeling.

Bryan: I'd feel really sarcastic.

Jane: I would feel hurt, insulted, angry, and offended.

Whitney: I wouldn't do it, because it's not their choice. I'd have resistance.

George: I'd just smile and ignore.

Cynthia: I hate being forced and I'd have to start being dishonest.

Wendy: I want to please. I want to do what they ask me to do, but then I'll be secretive about it and be resentful.

Seth: I'd want to kill that person!

Carla: I would feel a wave of depression take a hold of me, probably for a long time.

Sam: When they think I should change something, I won't do it even if I know it's right, but I'll get mad that I know it's right and I'm not doing it.

Ryan: I would feel inferior and put down.

Linda: I would feel as if they were trying to control me and I would rebel.

As you may see, when someone tells us that he or she knows what is good for us, we tend to feel angry and upset. We feel annoyed, negative, and we shut them and their advice out. We feel attacked, hurt, and uncomfortable.

That is precisely how our friends and family would feel when we tried advising them to eat more raw food. Similarly, the announcement of a family member becoming a raw-fooder can be frightening news for the rest of the family. Cooked food is what most of us know and consider normal; it's what is expected in our culture. Do we really want those we love to feel rebellious, negative, shut off, controlled, or angry? This is exactly how they are likely to feel if we tell them one day, "I'm going to be raw now, so don't eat that c.r.a.p in front of me! Just the look of it makes me sick!"

I recommend doing exactly the opposite. When you decide to become a raw-fooder, talk to your family. Explain to them, "You know, darling, this is not about you. Eating raw food is the choice I am making for myself. I'm not asking you to eat raw food. It's really okay with me that you continue to eat your favorite steak. I love you the way you are. It's me who's trying to change. It's not about you. I don't expect you to follow me, to be interested, or even to try my food." When you talk to your family in this manner, you may notice how they will sigh with relief.

Sometimes we may make those we love feel uncomfortable even without words. Some of us throw certain glances that convey the same meaning as the disapproving words. For example, a woman in one of my cla.s.ses said to me, "My family is angry with my rawfoodism even though I never pushed anybody to eat raw food. My husband has been vegan for thirty years. My son is twelve. They always ask me to prepare cooked meals. When I cook food for them I go off my raw-food diet. I don't feel supported. My son makes all kinds of jokes about me having to eat my raw cake with a spoon."

I said to her, "You might be doing something that irritates them that you're not aware of. Just watch yourself, and catch those moments. Don't watch others. Watch and see what you are doing to antagonize your family."

The next week she came to cla.s.s and said, "Yeah. I caught myself several times poking little pins in certain painful places. I'd say something hurtful or look disgusted or put out. I changed my att.i.tude toward my family, and they, in turn, shifted towards me and it only took one week. When I started accepting them, then they accepted me back. Now my husband is making juice for me in the morning and even bringing it to me in bed. He says, 'Honey, I want you to stay on raw food.' Suddenly my house has become a peaceful place, and my son is willing to try everything I make."

I am making my living by teaching raw-food cla.s.ses, and I have been on a 100% raw-food diet for many years. But twenty years ago when I was still eating a traditional diet, I had a friend who was a raw-foodist. I remember how annoyed I would get by his comments. Once, my older son Stephan was in the hospital with a minor surgery. My raw-food friend was critical about me allowing this to happen. Today, I feel embarra.s.sed when I recall how furious I was towards my friend for his advice. I wasn't ready then.

Another example is my friend Tina from Denver. She had a serious health problem. For many months she had to go to the hospital to undergo a procedure that was extremely painful for her. When we came to visit, she saw what Igor and I were eating and she became interested. She asked, "Can you show me how to prepare this food? I'm willing to try because I have surgery (a colostomy) scheduled in two weeks which I would rather not do." Within a matter of days, she started feeling better and avoided the surgery. Tina understood that for her, there were only two choices: raw food, no surgery, life and health; or cooked food, surgery, and eventually death. Tina chose life. At the time of our visit, Tina's four children were major junk-food eaters, and her husband enjoyed vodka, steak, pork chops, and pig's fat, which he used as if it were bologna. Tina did not tell her family that she was going raw. She kept cooking for them as she always had. She said, "I'm going to keep it quiet." I agreed with her and said, "Don't even mention it to them. Don't irritate them. Let them just leave you alone. Tell your family that you don't expect them to do anything." Tina didn't mention her diet change to them.

One year pa.s.sed. We were driving through Denver again and we stopped by. I saw Tina's husband, Sam, and he looked dramatically different. I said, "Sam, what's happening? You've changed." He replied with a grin, "I became 100% raw one month ago. The children are raw, too."

I was shocked. "What happened?"

Sam told me the story of why he became raw. He said that one day, about a month ago, he went to pick up Tina at work. He arrived a little early and sat down within view of her desk to wait. He noticed that his wife was so beautiful. He saw the customers flirting with his wife. He was looking at her through new eyes. He saw how she'd become so healthy, s.e.xy, and attractive. All of a sudden he felt inadequate. He said, "I ran to the restroom and I looked at myself in a mirror. I saw puffs under my eyes and a red face and gray hairs sticking out all over. I opened my shirt, and I looked at the blemishes all over my chest. I thought, n.o.body is going to flirt with me!" Sam told me that he realized Tina had been getting healthy and beautiful and he was just aging. Sam decided to make a change so he could keep up with his wife. He said, "On the way back home I begged her to help me become raw like her."

Tina was happy to help her husband. She told me that as soon as Sam adopted a raw-food diet, the children said they wanted to eat raw food too! Her daughter became thin and beautiful and was now auditioning for a local theater. Everything in this family's life was transforming in a wonderful way. Tina said that she felt a call from G.o.d, and things happened like never before in their life. Tina is a very wise woman. She didn't preach to her family about eating raw food. She made her food and enjoyed it without putting any expectations on her relatives. Her body healed and her family observed the changes. Because of her good example, her family made the choice to follow.

I can recall many similar examples that show the importance of living in peace with people who eat cooked food. When we don't understand how important this is, we can ruin the peace around ourselves and turn it into war. We can make people irritated by raw food. At the same time, we can make a conscious choice to live in peace with those around us. Then the miracles can happen. We have no right to control others. We have no right to expect other people to change when they are not ready. In contrast, our duty is to explain to others that we don't expect them to change.

That doesn't mean that there won't be any more family dinners. Why not? You may tell your partner, "Honey, let's have a family dinner. You may bring your pork chops and I'll bring my stuffed bell pepper. We'll talk about our day and we'll enjoy our time together." After all, family is about love. Family is not about food. When loved ones know that we do not expect anything from them, they can relax around us. They can support us without feeling pressured to change. We have made a choice for ourselves for serious reasons. We made the right choice for us, though perhaps it is not the right choice for everyone.

However, when I first went on a raw-food diet I did just the opposite of my advice to you. I went around telling everyone to go on raw food. For a while I was chasing overweight ladies in Safeway, trying to explain to them how easy it is to lose weight. I was so excited about the healthy changes my family was experiencing, I got carried away. I made a lot of enemies before I understood that people need to find their own ways and decide their own paths.

When we respect other people's rights, we may ask for support from our loved ones. We need to be sincere and not afraid to tell them, "My darling, please help me. I need support. I need to eat raw food for my health, because when I eat cooked food I feel as if I'm falling apart. When I eat raw food, I feel more energy and I have more love for you. Please help me. I don't need you to be raw. I have an idea. Instead of buying me chocolates on Sunday, will you buy me a ripe mango? Or any exotic fruit would be a great pleasure for me. I so appreciate your thoughtfulness. It would be so helpful to me if you'd keep those cookies that we have on the living room table in your truck so that I can't eat them in a moment of weakness. I appreciate your support so much."

Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and tell your family and close friends, "Listen, I need your help. It is important for me and my health now that I go on raw food. Without your help I cannot do it. Support me; don't offer me any cooked food. You may eat absolutely whatever you want but don't offer it to me, please." To ask for support is different than advising them to go on a raw-food diet. People love to be supportive, because we usually have love in our families and among friends.

Millie is a good example. When Millie was diagnosed with breast cancer, she began eating raw food. Her whole family (three adult sons along with her husband) were hostile and just hated the word "raw." Then Millie attended the 12 Steps to Raw Foods workshop. With Step Four in mind, she went through and rearranged her communication with her family. I received an email from her some weeks after the cla.s.s. She wrote, "My husband is growing proud of me! Everything is working out miraculously. My family now understands that I need support." She made it clear to her family that she needed their support to heal her cancer; and since she didn't demand that they eat raw food, there was no pressure on them. At the same time, they were glad to help her in any way they could.

No matter how we would love the rest of the family to benefit from eating raw food, we can control only one person in the world-ourselves. It is not our business to control our children or our parents, even if they are dying from cancer. I learned my lesson when my mother was dying from bone cancer, and I flew all the way to Russia to put her on a raw-food diet so she would survive. I was working very hard, going to the farmers' market, buying vegetables and juicing them all day long. On the third day, as soon as I left for the market, my mother whispered to my brother, "Son, can you make me some scrambled eggs? I'm starving!" When I returned, my mother's room was filled with the smell of scrambled eggs. My brother said, "I don't want to lie to you. She asked for it." In that moment I realized how cruel it was for me to put pressure on my poor mother. If she was not really ready, then my persistence only caused her more suffering. We have already discussed how we feel when someone tells us something we are not ready for.

I know one young man from Seattle who told me that he felt sorry for his mother, who suffered from tremendous pain. He told me that he and his mother were closest friends in the world. He confided, "I wish she would go on raw food so she wouldn't have to suffer."

I asked him, "Do you know that you might make her suffer even more through her feeling that she is not meeting your expectation?"

He said, "I never thought of that." After he gave it some thought, he came home and told his mother, "You know, it's okay with me if you're not going to try my diet." In a few days he called me back and reported, "A miracle happened-Mom wants to try my food!"

When people aren't forced to change their diet and feel safe and un-judged about what they eat, it's often the case that they suddenly want to improve their eating habits. If we learn how to live in peace with people who eat cooked food, we are more likely to receive support instead of opposition.

I met people who started pushing others onto raw food even before they tried it themselves-like Linda. After Linda visited just one raw-food cla.s.s she demanded her friend Jim to go on a raw-food diet. She came to the next cla.s.s and complained that Jim didn't support her. Somehow she managed to drag Jim to my last cla.s.s. By then, he had already developed such strong prejudice and resistance towards raw foods that he sat in the farthest corner of the cla.s.sroom. However, after listening to the lecture, Jim became very interested. Two months later Jim called me and said that he had been staying on the raw diet for the past two months, but Linda found it challenging and went back to eating cooked food. Ironically, Jim began dating another woman that he met at the raw-food potluck.

When you prepare your raw lunch or dinner that you are planning to eat with your family, don't let your plate consist of just a bunch of sprouts. Your family might feel sorry for you, thinking that you are deprived of pleasures. Instead, prepare yourself a nice-looking gourmet dish. Later, your loved ones will be drawn to try some of your food because it looks so attractive. When they taste your raw creation, they might comment, "It's not bad."

What about the children in your house that you need to prepare meals for? In many cases, we have already hooked our children on cooked foods, and that is why we have to be patient with them. In some cases it is better to slowly increase the ratio of raw food to cooked food. I recommend that everyone always have plenty of raw fruits and vegetables handy for snacks. Learn how to make raw ice creams, nut milks, nut-milk shakes, smoothies, live candies, cakes, and other kid-friendly foods. Show your children that raw food can be enjoyable. Invite them to prepare raw food together. Buy them a cheap blender at a garage sale. But most importantly, be a good example and don't make a big fuss about raw foods. Remember, kids learn by watching others. Let them see harmony and love around the table.

I am often asked how not to insult relatives who use food to show their love. If their food is refused, they may feel rejected and disrespected. In response to this question, I say, "The next time we meet I will bring a bottle of vodka, and if you don't drink it with me right away, while standing up with a toast to health, you will disrespect me as a native Russian." In this situation I a.s.sume that most of you would have no problem finding a way of declining my offer without insulting me or conveying disrespect. If you still feel confused, here are some more tips on saying "No" without offending anyone.

If people bring us food as a sign of their love, then showing our sincere appreciation for their care would make them most happy. According to a wonderful system called the "Nonviolent Communication Process,"1 the best way we can demonstrate our appreciation is by expressing our sincere grat.i.tude and describing our true feelings.

For example, John's aunt brought him an apple pie that used to be his favorite dessert. She made it herself. Below are two possible scenarios.

Scenario1.

John: "What is this? Oh no, I cannot have this! It is cooked and loaded with sugar. I don't eat this food anymore, don't you know that?! People who eat such stuff get sick. Why? Because cooked dough plugs their bowels. It's like eating glue! I don't want to offend you, but I must speak the truth. Why are you crying, Auntie?"

Scenario 2.

John: "What is this, Auntie? Oh, that is your famous apple pie! I am so deeply touched by your loving care. You must have spent so much money and time in order to please me. I feel so special. Thank you so much! Please come in, sit down, I am looking forward to sharing with you about the latest change in my diet. I feel a lot more energy. Next time you need help in your yard I can handle a lot more work. Would you like to try some almond milk? I am so glad you came."

While the conversation in the first scenario would most likely leave a bitter trace in the memories of both people, the sincere appreciation of the second scenario allows John to explain his motives to his aunt without upsetting her. Since John's aunt cares to please him with his favorite treat, she definitely loves John and would be delighted to discover that her nephew is making positive changes in his life.

When I went to Russia and refused the traditional Russian food, my relatives felt offended for a while, but then when they noticed how important raw food is for me and my health, they weren't upset anymore. I showed them pictures of myself before adopting a raw-food diet. They confirmed that I looked better on "that rabbit diet" than I had before. They never knew that I could look so good. If there is a loving atmosphere in the family, we can always find appropriate words to explain our position and be heard. Human beings have a curious nature and can easily be inspired. I have noticed that people enjoy finding their own answers to their questions. Perhaps the biggest way we can help others is by raising their curiosity. After all, we cannot change others. The only person I can really transform is myself. However, I have unlimited power over myself; and I see infinite possibilities to better myself. If every one of us keeps improving individually, together we can change the world.

Step 5

AVOIDING.

TEMPTATIONS.

"It is not the mountains that we conquer, but ourselves."

-Sir Edmund Hillary According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, the word "temptation" means "the desire to have or do something that you know you should avoid."1 (Emphasis added.) The meaning of "temptation" seems to be paradoxical: we strongly desire something that is bad for us. How can such a phenomenon even be possible?

Let us observe the temptation to eat unhealthy foods. Most people are aware that eating poorly may, eventually, result in pain, disease, and even premature death. These consequences sound awful, don't they? Then what compels so many of us to deliberately consume various unhealthy foods? The secret is in those brief but instant pleasures that come with eating certain dishes, while the consequences happen in the long run, often after many years.

Temptations are possibly humans' foremost challenge in life. However illusory, temptations possess an enormous power over many people. It's no wonder that many world religions consider temptations to come from the devil. I witnessed countless times how the sight of but one bite of some nostalgic food caused people to cross out their many months of work towards eating healthy.

Since the vast majority of people in the world live on predominantly cooked foods, adopting a raw-food lifestyle always presents a challenge shaped in a mult.i.tude of temptations. These enticements can quickly overturn one's plans for healthy eating if not properly approached. Based on many years of personal observations and helping people stay on a raw-food diet, I strongly believe that we cannot fight temptations by sheer will power. For that reason I have developed a strategy that has helped me, as well as many other people.

Many psychologists consider the first and most important step in overcoming temptations to be determining the main long-term goal of any pursuit. Therefore, you need to figure out what your main goal in adopting a raw-food diet is. Perhaps you have many targets, such as losing weight, gaining more energy, healing a certain illness, and so forth. However, research clearly demonstrates that when you choose one main long-term goal, you will concentrate all your attention on attaining this particular purpose, and as a result you will be able to decline momentary pleasures more easily.2 In addition, I recommend that you a.n.a.lyze on a deeper level your motives to eat healthy and to spell out your most inspiring purpose for becoming a raw-foodist that will keep motivating you for years and enable you overcome all temptations along your way.

The trouble with temptations is that they distract us from conscious living. Our existence is penetrated with cruel enticements. Some of them are so powerful that we often confuse temptations with our major goals in life. For example, I have met many people who sincerely believed that their life purpose was to own a nice TV, to party as much as possible, and/or to possess a lot of money. To me, all those things are merely big temptations, while the true purpose of life is a spiritual idea-something that everyone is destined to discover on his or her own. I believe that everyone has a true mission in life and that this mission is connected with helping other people. For me, discovering the purpose of life is the most precious gift for every human. When we have a purpose, we know which direction to follow in life, and as we move towards the focal goal, we feel happy and fulfilled. On the contrary, if we haven't found our life mission yet, we keep walking in place and begin feeling useless and depressed.