Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi - novelonlinefull.com
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"Ignore those noisy G.o.ddesses for the moment while I introduce myself. They call me Hephaestus, the G.o.d of Blacksmiths." The deeper male voice resounded in my head.
"Me, I'm the G.o.d of War. Name's Vulcan." The first male voice chimed in.
Oh, the two G.o.ds the G.o.ddesses warned me about, the ones who liked to drink. The secret was out, it seemed.
"You're making offerings to the ladies, aincha? In that case we want offerings too. Booze, of course." Hephaestos-sama got right to the point.
"Lots of other-world booze and we want it right now." Vulcan-sama followed up. Hey, these people (G.o.ds) are really selfish and demanding, aren't they?
"Muu-," Deplorable-sama screeched, "you guys, what are you doing b.u.t.ting in here? We don't get these offerings for free, you know!"
"Yes, we have granted this other-world-guy our divine blessings in return for him making offerings to us once a week." Kishar-sama explained. "It's the rules."
"That's right." Agni-sama added. "You guys haven't done anything for him so you can't get anything from him, see?"
"...you two, can't get." Ruksama declared.
Just as I had decided that the G.o.d of Blacksmiths and G.o.d of War were being selfish, the G.o.ddesses stopped b.i.t.c.hing at each other and jumped in unnecessarily to explain how things worked to their fellow dieties. I had a bad feeling about this...
"Hou, so that's how it is. Hmmm..." the G.o.d of War mused, "Okay then, we'll give our divine protection to the other-world-guy too. That way we'll be ent.i.tled to get booze from him, right? Whaddya think, Blacksmith G.o.d?"
I now had a really bad feeling about this.
"Sounds good to me, War G.o.d. Right then, here's my blessing-"
I couldn't begin to decribe how bad I was feeling about how this was going. I was going to receive yet more divine blessings I didn't want from a couple of musclebrained G.o.ds just so I'd have to offer them booze on a regular basis. Really. Not. Want.
"Hold it, hold it, hold it, I do not need any more blessings." I burst out before they could do anything.
"No? You refuse our divine protection~!" the G.o.d of Blacksmiths exploded. "To say that to the likes of us? In the name of Heaven I will punish you! Meghammer chastis.e.m.e.nt strike-"
Woah, woah!! He seemed a bit angry for some reason.
"Wait, what I said was inexcusable, I should have been clearer, oh mighty G.o.d of Blacksmiths." I grovelled (insincerely). "Why don't you give your blessing to my contracted monster, this Slime here since I've got all the divine blessings I really need for myself. I will of course make offerings to you in return for the bestowal of your divine blessing." I pointed to Sui -chan who was sleeping in the futon on the bed. S- Sorry, Sui...
"Well, I see, so that's what you meant." The G.o.d of Blacksmiths deflated. "All right, I understand. I'll give my divine blessing to that Slime." There was a pause. "Right, it's done."
"I'm next then." the G.o.d of War announced. "Do you want me to grant my divine protection to this contracted monster too?"
I thought quickly, Sui had already received the blessing from the G.o.d of Blacksmiths but somehow I didn't want darling Sui to have the G.o.d of War's protection too. She was enough of a battle maniac as it was, how she would be with that particular blessing... I shuddered. Too risky. And I didn't want it myself, either. Safety first, after all. I might turn into a battle maniac too and get killed. Nope, not gonna happen. Dorchan didn't have any divine blessings though and he was a Dragon so...
"M- Maybe my other contracted monster, a Pixie Dragon..." I offered hopefully. I could go down to the beast stables and get him, bring him up here if the G.o.d of War was willing to wait...
"I understand." There was a pause. "Ohoho, you also have a Fenrir as a contracted monster? Then I'll share my divine protection between the two of them. They're both creatures that are compatible with my blessing, after all." The G.o.d of War knew about Fer somehow? "It is done." Ah... So Fer and Dorchan have both received the G.o.d of War's blessing.
I figured Fer would be OK with this G.o.d's blessing, after all he liked to fight. Dorchan I didn't know about but Fer seemed to think that Pixie Dragons were good fighters too so it shouldn't cause him any problems. Maybe.
"Fuahahaha, they're received a great blessing even if I say so myself." the G.o.d of War went on to explain. "My protection provides a 50 percent boost to their Status when fighting." 50 percent boost? That much? "Of course it makes them more belligerent for a time but then again who doesn't like fighting? Fuahahaha!" I don't, I thought to myself. I had dodged a bullet, it seemed. It would have been helpful to know that at the start, G.o.d of War-sama. Still, what's done is done, I decided. Time to open up the Net Super and order up what everyone wants.
"Now that's out of the way, I wanna drink some booze in return for granting my protection." the G.o.d of Blacksmiths announced.
"What he said. Booze, liquor preferably, something strong, like me. Fuahahaha!" the G.o.d of War added.
These two are super-annoying... Just then Ninril-sama interrupted again.
"My fellow G.o.ds, there are rules about the offerings you can receive from this other-world-guy, you know?"
"That's right." Kishar-sama explained. "To be fair to everyone there's a limit of up to three silver coins in value."
"Oh yeah. No cheating, no trying to get more from the other-world-guy than the rest of us get. Arguing with him is right out or else he'll stop making offerings completely." Agni-sama added.
"Don't be greedy. Up to three silver coins each." Ruksama's summary was blunt and to the point as usual.
The G.o.ddesses laid out the rules quite clearly, didn't they? Especially the favouritism thing. I decided to sweeten the deal for the two G.o.ds who were new to the offerings setup.
"That's how it is, Vulcan-sama and Hephaestus-sama." I explained. "Offerings worth up to three silver coins each keeps it fair for all the others. However just for today I have increased this to four silver coins to apologise for being delayed in making my offerings as I had promised."
"Che-, how annoying but-" I heard the G.o.d of Blacksmiths sigh. "Very well, today we get offerings worth four silver coins, right? In that case I want to try lots of different kinds of other-world booze since I don't know what I'd like."
"I want to try various sorts of liquor too, like Heffy says." Heffy? Ah, Hephaestus-sama. "Just pick some booze for us will ya? Up to four silver coins worth each." The G.o.ddesses were spot-on when they told me Vulcan-sama and Hephaestus-sama would want offerings of booze...
"Yeah, just pick some for me too." Heffy- oops, Hephaestus-sama agreed.
"Haa~" Agni-sama sighed. "I give up. Now these two have shown up you're stuck with them, other-world-guy. Oh, and can I have what they're getting?" She didn't seem that concerned about how this was going to affect me.
"It looks that way. We didn't want these two to get involved but... Sorreee." Kishar-sama said insincerely.
"These two, nose too good." Ruksama added. Just like that the G.o.ddesses gave up and left me holding the bag. Thanks, all-powerful Deplorable-samas. I added my own sigh to the collection from Heaven and bowed to the inevitable. Booze, they all wanted booze right?
I started with cans of beer, one of each of a different type, a well-recommended dry lager, a premium beer and a dark stout, each costing 2 copper coins. A 720ml bottle of top-quality sake was a silver coin, a 700ml bottle of imported whisky another silver coin and a 640ml bottle of brandy for yet another silver coin. A bit of searching in the Net Super located a reasonably-priced bottle of Spanish red wine for the remaining four copper coins.
I got three of each for the three drunkards, oops deities who had requested booze as their offerings, total cost twelve silver coins.
"Finally is Ruksama."
"Same as before. Sweets and food. Extra food."
Coming right up. Something warm perhaps... ah, the beef bowl, I had it ready anyway. How much should I charge? I know it's cheap enough back in my own world but here? I put the price at five copper coins. Did I have any gyoza left? Ah, yes, here they were. I put out a dozen gyoza and set the price at five coppers too. Side dishes, I'd get them from the Net Super, lessee, a platter of a.s.sorted kushikatsu mixed meat and vegetable skewers with dipping sauce, there were chicken, peaches, scallions and liver. I added a couple of fishcakes and some deep-fried marinated meat tatsukage. The rest of the offering for Ruksama was bread and confectionery as usual.
Yosh, I had everything. I set up all the offerings on cardboard altars as usual, six this time thanks to the over-sensitive noses of a certain G.o.d of Blacksmiths and a certain G.o.d of War. I realised as I lined up the a.s.sorted lotions and tubes on Kishsama's altar that she'd need a little help with the items I had chosen for her.
"Kishar-sama, I'll explain how you should use your offerings. Oh, can you can see them as I point them out?"
"Yes, I can see them perfectly." she rea.s.sured me so I continued.
"The facial cleansing foam here is squeezed out this way," I demonstrated, "and lathered up with some warm water to wash your face. Rinse it off thoroughly afterwards though. After washing and drying your face use the mosturising lotion here. Put a spot of lotion about the size of..." ummm, umm, what does a 100-yen coin look like in this world? ah, "the size of a silver coin on your fingers and apply it gently to your face. Repeat if your skin is particularly dry."
After putting the skin lotion back on the altar I held up the tube of eye wrinkle cream. "Just a small amount on the tip of your finger and apply it around your eyes. You might want to put a little more on at night before you sleep." Do G.o.ddesses sleep? I didn't know but that's what the instructions on the back of the box said to do. The rest of it was based on memories from watching my sister hard at work fighting the onis of bad skin and acne with her a.r.s.enal of chemical weaponry in the bathroom cupboard. As I put the tube back on Kishar-sama's altar my eye caught the bottles and cans on three of the other altars. I should maybe give some advice about them too.
"Oh yes, I should explain to Hephaestus-sama, Vulcan-sama and Agni-sama about their offerings. Please be careful as the alcohol content is high in them." I said, pointing out the bottles of sake, brandy and whisky.
"Because they're strong you should pour them into a gla.s.s and drink them like that, maybe with some ice. It's similar stuff to the liquor I offered up to Agni-sama last time. It still tastes delicious even if you add water as well."
"I get you. Strong booze is especially welcome, yeah." Hephaestus-sama said.
"That's right. I'm looking forward to drinking this booze real soon. " Vulcan-sama added.
"War G.o.d, let's partaaay!"
"Oh yeah, time to get it on."
Hephaestus-sama and Vulcan-sama sounded like they had been drinking already. I sighed (again) but it was out of my hands now. Time to send the offerings to their recipients and call it a night.
"Then, here are the items you wished for. Please accept them." I couldn't be bothered with saying anything more elaborate. The goods on the cardboard altar disappeared promptly nevertheless, accompanied by the voices of the G.o.ddesses (squealing) and the G.o.ds (roaring) as my offerings arrived in their realm.
Haaaa, somehow the number of deities looking over my shoulder had increased. I couldn't refuse them, the G.o.d of Blacksmiths and the G.o.d of War were just too intimidating and besides I was exhausted after spending most of the day dealing with the Dragon-maniac Elland-san. I worried about how the Status of Fer, Sui and Dorchan would change now they had the blessings of Hephaestus-sama and Vulcan-sama but I was too tired to investigate immediately. I'd get a good night's sleep and check on them to see what had happened tomorrow.