Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 16

"Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men... so lick that!" Tommy said.

"That's nothing!" declared little Johnny. "My dad hasn't wiped his a.s.s in 10 years... so lick that!"

Like Father, Like Son.

Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about s.e.x and girls."

The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."

Little Leprechaun.

A little boy was in the school's bathroom. He found there was no toilet paper so he used his hand. When he got back to his cla.s.sroom the teacher asked what he had in his hand.

"A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

The teacher couldn't get him to open his hand and sent him to the princ.i.p.al who also asked what he had in his hand.

"A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

He was sent home with a note asking to see his parents, so his mom asked him what he had in his hand.

"A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

He was sent to his room. In a while his dad came in and asked, "What do you have in your hand?"

Again came the reply, "It's a little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

His dad ordered him to open his hand, and as he did so the boy said, "Oh no, Dad, look; you scared the s.h.i.t out of him!"

Little Red Wagon.

This little boy got a little red wagon for his birthday. Everywhere he went he pulled his little red wagon. One day, as he was walking by the church, his wagon got stuck in the mud.

Little boy: "d.a.m.n f.u.c.kin wagon! Motherf.u.c.ker!!! Getting stuck in the f.u.c.kin mud!!!!......"

As he was cursing the wagon up and down, the priest came out of the church Priest: "Little boy you shouldnt say naughty words....G.o.d is all around you."

LIttle boy: " He is???? Is he over there??"

Priest " Yes he is"

Little boy: "Is he behind me??"

Priest: " Um-hmm"

Little boy " Is he in front of me ??"

Priest: "Yes"

Little boy :"Is he even in my little red wagon??"

Priest: "Of course"

Little boy: "Well tell him to get the f.u.c.k out and push!!!!!"

Lost Dad.

A little lad was lost in a vast crowd at the football stadium, A policeman saw him crying and asked him what was wrong. "I've lost my dad" he whined, the policeman looked about.

Then said to the boy, "what's he like"

The lad replied "Beer and women"

Making a Sandwich.

A woman and her little boy were walking through a park in New York and they pa.s.s two squirrels having intercourse. The little boy asks his mom, "Momma, momma, what are they doing?" The lady responded, "They're making a sandwich."

Then they pa.s.s two dogs having intercourse and the little boy again asks what they were doing. His mother again replied they were making a sandwich.

A couple of days later the little boy walks in on his mother and father and said " Mommy, Daddy, y'all must be making a sandwich because, Momma has Mayonnaise all over her mouth!!!"

Making a Sandwich.

This guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is about 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his gal climb up to the top bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper, "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.

"Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, pull it out," She screams out..."I can't get pregnant...aaahhhhhhhh"!

Then the little brother chimes in, "Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there, you're getting mayonnaise all over my face.

Naughty Boy.

A boy sees his grandfather having a pee.

He says, "My daddy's got two of those.

He's got a small one like you for peeing through, and he's got a great big one he uses to clean mummy's teeth with.

Need a Lantern.

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?"

The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."

The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."

"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"