Isekai Maou to Shoukan Shoujo Dorei Majutsu - novelonlinefull.com
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And now here are three chapter parts to help me catch up to what I owe you guys.
Also, sorry about the negativity from last week’s post. I usually bottle it up so I guess I reached the limit for the bottle. Thank you to all who felt concern for me. I’ve always been a negative person and I try to keep it from showing up too much in my posts, or at least I think I do. I’m not sure.
And I guess for those who are interested, my negativity is pretty much coming from my hatred of myself? Or is it the difference between myself and the standards or desires I have for myself? Or is it the fact that I can’t do or just procrastinate on the things that I need to do as well as the things that I want to do? I mean, why the h.e.l.l am I procrastinating on the things that I want to do!
Ugh, I don’t know. The cause of my spells of negativity are really bothersome when I’m actually thinking about them but generally forget what it was when I’m not in negativity. And even when I’m in my negativity, the thoughts are scrambled and jump around. It’s kind of like dreams I guess. Like how you can’t really remember it when you wake up.
And speaking of dreams, the two that I have are also part of my negativity I think. One is to have a full collection of One Piece figures. And as some of you already know, I haven’t finished a single one of my own figures that I’m trying to make. So yeah, that’s definitely a cause.
As for the other one……It’s, uh, to make a game.
And I don’t mean getting into the game development industry. I don’t want to make games for a living. I want to make a game that I want. I have a bad habit of wanting to make the things that I want if I can’t find them. And the game that I want is something that will help me live out my fantasy of going to a JP novel fantasy world. And no, I don’t just want to mod Skyrim or something. I want to get these ideas for the game that I want out of my d.a.m.n head. But sadly, I don’t know how to code, I can’t draw (not that I’ve tried it yet), I can’t make 3D models (yeah, the game I want to make is a 3D one. I also haven’t tried doing this yet either), I have no musical talent, I don’t have a lot of money, I have a bad habit of trying to learn about things without actually even trying it (so I’ve been watching Youtube videos about game making and such without trying to make the game at the same time). The list goes on and on. So yeah, I feel that I need to do everything even though I know that it’s impossible to do so, and that is definitely a cause for my negativity.
Ah, sorry, I got way too into that. And now my head hurts from thinking about how all of you will take this. I am really afraid of how people will think of me (yet another thing I hate about myself).
Well, thanks for actually reading through that. And I hope it wasn’t a mistake to put all of this into a post. I tend to think about negative results of my actions as well as deny the possibility of any positive results that I might come up with.